hello,
I would like to share my intersex story, and It is kind of unusual and complicated.
The thing started when my mom was very young - she had some hormonal issues, that she ( still ) dosen't talk about. When she was pregnant with me, she applied herself with some hormones - otherwise she could not give a birth and loose a child ( me ). Shortly after I was born, I have had various serious conditions, that last till this day. It were the early 90's, so the doctors didn't know what is really going on. I am MAAB, so I was raised like a boy, even if my sex couldn't be specified in an easy matter. To choose correctly, is like playing a game with various options.
My puberty went wery awkward - I didn't develop like rest of the boys in my age. In 2005, when I was 16 yo, I susspected, that something wrong is going on with my sex / gender, but my parents silence down my questions in the topic. So I grew as an androgynous boy ? . . . person ? that was the shortest from my classmates ( lower than 160 centimetres in adulty ), obese, with gynecomasty, with no Adam's Apple nor dropping down vioce and delikate face structure ( no M nor F like ), with almost none facial hair. Difficult time it was for me . . .
In 2006, I tried to commit suicide twice. I was hospitalized in psychiatric ward. They did my blood tests there, and the results were showing that I have hormonal issues. The case was silenced out.
In my high school, in 2005, I presented myself as non-binary. I did not know the reasons of it, but felt something must had been very wrong. My parents were against me having long hair, that made me look even more femalelike.
Since 1994, I was hospitalized year in year, for various conditions. My doctors were hopeless, they didn't manage what was the core of this state. When I was older, they did my blood tests, and the hormonal levels were uncorect.
For some reason, I started to browsing the web for info on my condition, but . . . I didn't know, what is the point. So, randomly, the topic was that I could be transseksual. In February 2013, I started to self medicate with estrogen purchased in the web. Still don't knowing the reason WHY nad WHAT FOR. But it seemed to worked well. After I while, I consulted the matter with a sexuologist, that insisted that I am MtF transseksual, even I he heard of what kind of sex issues I have had. Till my kariotype came, I was considered as trans Male to Female, but it didn,t felt the correct diagnosis for me. My kariotype, in January 2015 shown, that I am a 46,XX,t interseks person, and that was a translocation im medical terms. I changed my sexuologist to an other one. ( And my diagnosis was changed to "
Intersex " ) Also changed my name to neutral - existing for many years as a fenotypical female-like androgynous person, with a formal male name, was much difficult. I did that in mid 2015, when my country allowed citizens to have a gender neutral / fully foreign name. Further examination shown that I have male and female genitalia.
Estrogen, that I inject myself, make my anatomy even more similar to a female. But have reasons staying non binary / genderqueer. For my older friends / neighbours / family / etc, I still exist as the same, short, obese, long haired person that was before HRT and remaining male. My family didn't accept me being on estrogen - they were very mad . . . Now, they neither say "Yes" nor "No" for my HRT. They say nothing. When I was hospitalized in 2013 in endokrynology ward, doctors suggested that I should excange estrogen for testosterone, and it felt wrong with me
But they did not, as I opposed. Estro is one of mine most important medicines, it helped me dealing with very most of somatic and psychological health sh...t, that was abnourmous before. My blood records show, that it is most probable, that since I was 12 yo, there was no correct hormone suplementation in my body, that remained till I was 24.
In my opinion, the family knew for the whole time, but remained silent for years. Dad laughs the topic out in every occasion, mom dosen't want to talk in any of my gender / sex issues and cuts the topic every time. True, that I was not an ordinary child, and having mild Asperger Syndrome in my childchood, Asthma, seriois alergic troubles and other. They didnn't know how to handle that and help me.
