What do your kids call you now?

[staciM]

For those of you out to your family and either in transition or living full time...what do your kids call you? 

My son is 11yo and my wife and I have been trying to decide on what he should be calling me around the house and once a full social transition happens.  He's incredibly supportive and is being really good about pronouns and uses "Staci", but I'm not convinced it's the right name to use as my son.  It feels strange him using my name rather than a parental handle.

We have both decided that my wife "owns" "mommy".  That's her special title and I couldn't agree more.  We can't both be "mommy" since it doesn't distinguish who he's calling.  Also, as my son gets older, I'm sure he will start calling her "mom" or even "ma" ....but what does that leave me?  The more immature variants won't be appropriate in the coming years ..."mama" etc

How are others handling this?

[amberwaves]

My daughters, 6 and 4, still call me dad.  I don't care if it seems odd to others.  I may not be a traditional father anymore, but that doesn't change my relationship with them.

[barbie]

My kids always call me dad. But my little daughter sometimes jokingly calls me mommy, aunt or sister.

barbie~~

[I Am Jess]

Privately it is dad.

Publicly it is "D" of Dee

[Beth Andrea]

They don't call me.



But when we do see each other, my kids call me dad, and the grandkids call me Beth (all at my request, btw).

[HappyMoni]

Staci,
   My sons are in their 20's. I said they could call me Dad as I didn't have the right to take that away from them. It quickly occurred to me that I would ask them to use Moni as I didn't want to be outed in public constantly. This was smart because the further along you get the more it hurts for the male references. They will be adults longer than they will be kids, so I would opt for something that will be appropriate when they are older. I think consistency is important. Get something and stay with it. Habits are hard to break.  They use 'Dad' sometimes at home but inside me I tighten up a bit when I hear it. I don't show it though.
Moni

[Gertrude]

I know someone that used "maddy". A combination of mommy and daddy


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[Thessa]

Most of the time she still call me Papa but I get to the point of feeling strange when addressed that way.

In public we agreed on Mapa.
But sometimes it happens that she calls me Mama as well, which is funny because it happens often when in boy mode.

[Rebecca]

I'm lucky all of the kids instincts were to call me Mum. At first whenever it happened they would look like they expected to get into trouble for it which isn't fair for anyone. My eldest felt it would be a betrayal without permission from her mother to call me Mum which is understandable.

My wife and I talked about it and naturally she didn't want me to have that title (which is fair) but we both agreed it can't be about what her or I want our first concern is the kids.

From their position and others it's pretty simple to them

Parent + Female = Mum

Neither of us wanted the kids beating themselves up and having to censor their own thoughts before they speak. We just want our kids to do what comes naturally and be happy like any parents.

After her asking our eldest daughter (12) if she wanted to call me Mum she answered yes. It was very brave of her as my wife's tone while asking the question made it clear she wasn't happy. To my DD honesty is very important even if it hurts and she laid it all out that they all had been calling me Mum by accident but they didn't want to hurt her.

It's sweet that they were trying to spare her feelings but they were hurting themselves in the process.

Neither of us could allow our children to that to do that to themselves and most importantly my wife didn't want kids going through that for her sake.

After that we made it official by telling the kids it's ok to call me Mum or any other equivalent.

In situations where it's needed to separate us she is Mum 1 and I'm Mum 2 which is cute.

We now have extra fun in our house from time to time when the kids just yell for Mum my wife will smile and say "They're shouting on you".

They can and do call me by name as well but I always light up when they call me Mum.

As to the loss of their Dad I'm happy to say there is no loss as they are all very happy with having 2 Mums

[ainsley]

Like Moni, I got tired of being outed in public from my kids calling me Dad.  Mine are 17, 20, and 21.  They can call me what they want, but I just ask them not to out me in public.  They respect that.

My oldest and youngest call me Mom.  My oldest one is a boy and his roommates call my wife MomOG and me NewMom, so they can keep us straight when they are talking about us amongst themselves. lol  Kinda funny, actually.

My middle child, a boy, calls me ainsley.  They all 3 decided it was best to not use Dad because it was too easy to slip up and use it in public, so they chose something else.  My wife refers to me as mom or mother to them when talking about me --always. 

My youngest, a girl, always uses mom in my presence.  She says she has to revert to Dad when talking with her high school friends sometimes because she doesn't want to have to explain her family situation to everyone at school.

[Denise]

For years I've signed emails "-D". Worked for "dad", "Dan" and now "Dee".

Therefore I'm telling them they can use anything except "mom" but "Dee" works for me.

[LizK]

Currently my daughters call me Dad and I have said to them I have no issue with them calling me Dad but in public if they could make the effort not too would be good. They are 25 and 23 and both said they would call me Liz. My wife use the nickname Ekay (pronounced like the letter e and k) which is a play on my initials...my daughter and I have the same initials...we are all new to this name and pronouns stuff, so will see how it works. I think pronouns are going to be the biggest issue for my family.

Liz

[Rebecca]

For pronouns it helps to be honest at the beginning.

Early on I lied and said I didn't mind (I was initially just that grateful to exist) which meant people didn't try that hard to correct their habits because I didn't mind but after I told people it hurt me any time it happened it made it a lot easier for everyone.

After all loved ones don't want to hurt you if they can avoid it so easily and after a very short time the adjustment is made in their mind making it natural again to use the correct words.

Happy to say no name, pronoun or other issues in a loooong time x

[kaitylynn]

How awesome this topic came up.  I was just talking with a friend the other day about it.  I have 4 daughters, 2 made the old fashioned way by my X and I and 2 by adoption.  Of my 2 bio kids. my oldest calls me dad regardless of where we are.  The youngest calls me "Mada" as she sees me as both.

The oldest adoptee calls me both mom  and dad by her own whim and the youngest calls me mom.

It is interesting to witness how each has their own unique perspective and comfort.  I love them all, no matter what they call me and honestly...that is all I can really ask

[Anne Blake]

My son (36) chose to call me by my name, Tia. My nine year old granddaughter hunted around for a name, I gave her the option of using any name she wanted. It started out as PapyT, then changed to Tia, and sometimes switches to T, the name my wife uses. Neither my son nor granddaughter ever mess up with pronouns and I love that! Anne

[LizK]

My son (36) chose to call me by my name, Tia. My nine year old granddaughter hunted around for a name, I gave her the option of using any name she wanted. It started out as PapyT, then changed to Tia, and sometimes switches to T, the name my wife uses. Neither my son nor granddaughter ever mess up with pronouns and I love that! Anne

That is just so great to hear...don't you just love that unqualified acceptance...sounds like you have some solid support around you as well as a loving family...Pronouns...I have to say I never thought they would be as important to me as they are...the difference a word makes. But using that word shows such a huge level of acceptance.

Liz

[Sabrina Hope]

Your families are awesome. Just thinking of coming out to my wife makes me freak. And how my childs will react? I hope to have the guts to tell them someday. I only cross dress for now but I need more to stop that felling inside me of being in the wrong body.

[kittenpower]

...meow 

[Denise]

Your families are awesome. Just thinking of coming out to my wife makes me freak. And how my childs will react? I hope to have the guts to tell them someday. I only cross dress for now but I need more to stop that felling inside me of being in the wrong body.

There is a sticky thread on the transgender forum about coming out to wives.  It's a good read.

[Sabrina Hope]

There is a sticky thread on the transgender forum about coming out to wives.  It's a good read.

Thank you Denise.I think ive already read it all and I know this site for 3 days. Btw you are all beautiful ladies.