On being Liz

[LizK]

Today, two significant things happened.

I had my first haircut as a woman and after 12+ months preparation I began my life fulltime as Liz.

For the last 2-3 days I could not understand why I was so angry with myself along with anyone else who happened to be around...I tried to blame my wife and quite rightly failed...this just made me more angry with myself until it dawned on me why I was so ratty. In the end it was really simple...this is my life and my transition, my wife in not standing in the way but alongside me. I cannot expect her to do "X" with Liz, if Liz won't do "X" on her own for a start!! I don't have to wait any longer....there are no more obstacles perceived or real that cannot be overcome.

Once I began to think about this it really became so obvious to me what I needed to do. All this talk, thinking, planning and talking and planning, thinking and planning and talking.....STOP!

Today after I had my hair styled (as can be seen in my current Avatar)I had to sit in the car for awhile before I could leave after my hairdresser appointment as it took me a few minutes to compose myself. The simple act of having my hair styled had bought "her" to the forefront so vividly for me that it was almost an overwhelming moment. Once composed I went to the supermarket to get groceries. Normally I would have gone home and changed to a more androgynous look...not today and not anymore I am done 

Within the next few weeks as I get my ID sorted I will be able to put a full stop at the end of the first part of my Transition. The preparation part, the real work starts now with the transition and working towards SRS.

It all feels a little surreal to actually be where I am today,  but it is nice, after all the years of thinking about this moment and when it arrives it is weird how normal it felt...the anxiety and anger from the last few days left me the moment I sat in my car this morning and checked my lipstick in the mirror.

Liz

[JeanetteLW]

Congratulations!! Liz,

  Great story and wonderful step you have taken. Thank you for sharing it with us. I must add your hair style and new avatar look good for you.
 
    With each step shared here, hope is given to someone yet to take it.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[LizK]

Thankyou Jeanette...

It felt good to place a marker in the sand and actually follow through with it. Told both my Daughters today and they were stoked for me. So its been a nice relaxed start to my RLE, I have my first voice therapy session on Saturday so that could be a bit of fun. My Psychologist seemed to think there was nothing wrong with my voice...but I think I will take the advice of an expert.    

Thankyou for your kind words about my new Pic, I am still a work in progress. It was great to hear my new hairdresser exclaiming about how much new growth I have that is yet to impact my hair because it is so small at the  moment. I can even have a fringe next time, if I want, once the new hairs have done their thing, according to her. So very,very happy.

Liz                                                                                                                             

[Violets]

Congrats, Liz! You must feel a huge sense of relief and excitement knowing that from this day forward, you don't have to pretend to be something you're not.

Love your new avatar!

Sonja

[Cindy]

My dear Liz,

I recall a coffee shop and meeting a very sad excuse for a person. I met the growing up person several times - I'm now meeting Liz.

Lovely

Cindy

[Megan.]

Yay! You're looking great Liz.  Super happy for you. Now go forth,  live and love your life.  X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[LizK]

Congrats, Liz! You must feel a huge sense of relief and excitement knowing that from this day forward, you don't have to pretend to be something you're not.

Love your new avatar!

Sonja

It has been so peaceful...I must have come a long way, the meltdown I was having today was about my liquid eyeliner running out with only one half of one eye done and I had an appointment 40 minutes later....so that was new LOL

You are right I get to be me...which is very cool

Liz

[LizK]

My dear Liz,

I recall a coffee shop and meeting a very sad excuse for a person. I met the growing up person several times - I'm now meeting Liz.

Lovely

Cindy

Cindy,

I remember it well, your kind words that day made a huge difference, on leaving that coffee shop that afternoon I knew I could do it. For me that was a very significant day...thank you.

Liz

[LizK]

Yay! You're looking great Liz.  Super happy for you. Now go forth,  live and love your life.  X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

You betcha!! I really do get to be me...

Liz

[Devlyn]

Thinking and planning has nothing on doing!   
You look great, hon, and happy.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Michelle_P]

You betcha!! I really do get to be me...

Liz

And that is totally awesome!  What a wonderful goal to achieve!  [emoji471]

Hugs, Michelle


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[LizK]

So off to speech Therapy this morning for the first time...I was really nervous and had all the stuff in my head about wanting to be authentic and having a fear I could end up sounding ridiculous...all totally false of course...

Biggest drama... Liquid eyeliner ran out halfway through the first eye which I them managed to  smear all over my eyelid...life has changed hasn't it.

Eyeliner 1 Liz 0

The woman I saw came recommended as trans knowledgeable and friendly. She was brilliant, put me totally at ease took me through the basics. We talked about my expectations and what I did and didn't want. Then we did some testing.

The scale she used went something like men speak in a pitch(?) of between 70 and 130 and women are about 160 to 240. When she tested me my average reading pitch was 143. This could be why a number of people have said to me that my voice sounds fine. What she did tell me is that my voice gets a bit rough and therefore sounds like its deep. She went on to say that to move my pitch from 143 to over 160 should not be terribly hard.

For trans women she believes nuance/inflection,(my words) is the bigger part of having feminine speech, as pitch on its own is not enough. So we will do 5-6 sessions then she will leave me to see how I go for a few months then get me back for a review. She has given me 3 exercises to do until our next session in a couple of weeks...

She has given me a great deal of hope that I can successfully change my voice and still sound like me

Saturday again so prepping now for Electrolysis on Tuesday...this is the bit I hate the most...growing out what is left of my beard so she can work on it....

LIz

[rosinstraya]

Congratulations on these big steps forward! 

[LizK]

Thanks rosinstraya, you're right, they are significant steps and it is easy for me  to forget where I started.

Since Christmas and reconciliation with my parents I have been talking to them regularly via skype and it has been going really well. Since I started fulltime last week I have not had a chance to let them know..so we had a Skype call today...I was very calm and not feeling anxious at all and as soon as I started to tell them I had started fulltime I burst into tears...it was really unexpected. I was quite emotional for quite some time. I eventually calmed down and was able to speak to them. It went well but the enormity of what I have achieved hit me I think...

Day 2 growing beard for Electrolysis...it bearable...day 3 and 4 suck bigtime

Liz

[JeanetteLW]

Unbearable relief.  Congrats Liz

[LizK]

Fairly Uneventful weekend. I finally managed to get it together enough to have a really nice call for about an hour with someone I am getting to know...always nice. Spent some time on Sunday...about an hour trying to put on a new  liquid eyeliner my wife bought me....unsuccessfully I might add...terrible nib on it...that is my story and I am sticking to it 

Eyeliner: 2 Liz:0

Attended my Dr for injections to my face for Electrolysis. Right along the jaw line and down to the Adams apple slightly left of centre then right over to the edge of the right side of my jaw down about as low as the Adams apple...numbed this entire area and off I went to the Electrologist she cleared that entire are in about 50 minutes...not mucking around with the laser too much. It has been nearly three weeks since the laser treatment so anything shedding will have done so and all black hairs left are fair game...I had an area about the size of a shot glass...thick black hairs that the razor misses and will not shave properly so it always sticks out...gone baby gone...and another sparser patch on the other side... gone baby gone....

The aesthetic worked reasonably well but I think she tried to do too big of an area so it was a little patch...one more to session before I get to have a one month break before diving in to get this first full clearance completed...black hairs and all...

Liz

[Barb99]

Hi Liz, how long does the area stay numb after the injections? Is it your GP or dermatologist that gives the injections?
I may pursue this but my doctors are 20 - 45 minutes away from my electrologist.

[BeverlyAnn]

Aha.  I was going to ask if you were OK and how it was going with your parents since I haven't heard from you in a while. But you've answered both questions.  Congratulations hon!

[LizK]

Hi Liz, how long does the area stay numb after the injections? Is it your GP or dermatologist that gives the injections?
I may pursue this but my doctors are 20 - 45 minutes away from my electrologist.

Charley

I can usually start to feel some small pains after about an hour but by that stage she has usually cleared the area I have numbed. After about 1 hr 45 they are really starting to wear off and by 2 1/2 hour mark they are almost non  existent....from about the 1:45 to the 2:00 hr mark is when it starts to begin to fade and when this happens it happens fairly quickly.

My injections are usually given by about 12:30-12:45, its then 15 minutes to get parked and into the Electrologist...each time I think I have provided her with a big enough are she clears it...she can work way faster.

The injections themselves could be a bit tricky depending on where you live. I had great difficulty finding a Dr willing to do it...by Dr who does my Endo stuff does it for me because she is Trans herself and understands the pain and the need. She doesn't have huge amount of experience (except in injecting her own face)with facial injections but together we are learning as to what works best.

Hope that helps

Liz 

[LizK]

Aha.  I was going to ask if you were OK and how it was going with your parents since I haven't heard from you in a while. But you've answered both questions.  Congratulations hon!

OMG, I was thinking, I hope Bev is Ok she hasn't replied to my last e-mail......ehhhh...email still sitting in the drafts folder...will update and send it to you...I promise

Liz