On being Liz

[LizK]

Hello to everyone

Its been a couple of weeks since I did my last update. I have been reading a lot lately on TapaTalk which has helped me keep up with all the lunacy 

I got my approval letter last evening from the Govt for my GCS funding via Early Super Release on Compassionate Grounds. The hardest part of the process!!!

Got in touch with my Superannuation today and I needed to submit a withdrawal form along with certified ID, all of which could be uploaded via their website. Which I have done. I should see the actual cash by this time next week unless their is some technical question about the form I submitted (there shouldn't be its straight forward)

I am really relieved to have this funding which includes all my expenses for airfares and accommodation for both myself and my partner. This whole process could have been a bit easier had I known a few things which I will share with you all in the thread about the subject.

I was chatting to Laurie as I was submitting the withdrawal form for processing saying to her how my heart was pounding in my chest as I hit the final submit button. I will not be surprised if there is not some small technical issue to be dealt with. But essentially I expect to see the funds this time next week and with 154 days 14 hours 10 minutes to go (not that anyone is counting).I will have the funds in plenty of time .I still have 86 days 14 hours 10 minutes to go (not that anyone is counting) till I have to pay for the surgery.

The last few weeks have been pretty busy, I attended a new LGBTQI support group for the second time and spent the afternoon chatting with a couple of ladies about all sorts of stuff and had a thoroughly lovely time. I have enjoyed both outing to this group so will be sure to make them regulars.


I started walking for exercise again 4 weeks ago and am back to my 5ks a day. My hip just barely tolerates this but to be fair it has actually reduced my overall daily pain. I enjoy getting out and I have always enjoyed the exercise, it has always made me feel better. My specific goal is to lose down to 90 Kgs from 106Kgs. After a false start due to some faulty scales I now have an accurate idea of my weight and I have 11Kgs (25 pound)to lose. I only need to lose 5kgs (11 pound)for surgery but I would like to be around 90 Kgs for my hip surgery the following March.


Had some unexpected excitement yesterday, was busy doing my chores only to vacuum out into the family room and notice some water on the floor....as I looked up I could see the tap running in the kitchen sink overflowing onto the bench and then onto the floating floor...panic...towels everywhere...mopping, mopping...opened the huge corner cupboard under the bench...flooded...both shelves...That's when I lost it and burst into tears...about 10 minutes later I felt better and settled to the job of removing every item from the cupboard and wiping out the two large shelves. About and hour later the place appeared to be mainly dry although the floor has been damaged and I will have to wait a few days to see how badly. Lesson for the day: Don't leave a running tap unattended when you are distracted 

My father wants to Skype call me tomorrow...I love him dearly but it will be another hour of sheer willpower not to lash out when he will inevitably misgender or misname me. I should be more patient its only been 3 years  He seems to try not too misgender or misname me, but I suspect that is only because he is talking to me as he constantly stumbles over my name and pronouns which are obviously unfamiliar to him. The sad part being is the only time I am misnamed or mis gendered it is by my own family. I really can't complain as this will only be the third call for the year and it was his birthday on Monday and I do love him. I will no doubt have to discuss the lack of promised contact from my Brother. "Frankly my dear" I don't give a dam!! I am so disgusted by his behaviour that I have no desire to have any contact with him.


I am sure I will be fine and am going to make a speciel effort with my appearance tomorrow for the skype call. I will have to put on my best camera makeup!!

Phew and thats the end

Take care

Liz

[Cindy]

Good to hear from you Hon. Only - how long?

You are a remarkable and gentle woman to keep persevering with your Father. I know you love your family deeply and I do admire your fortitude.

Hopefully in 154 days and some hours it will be considerably warmer and those salt baths won't freeze the .... Oh you won't have any to be frozen off!!

[Northern Star Girl]

@ElizabethK
Dear Liz ... thank you so very much for posting your update just about a half hour ago.  You had been missing in action.... your readers and followers, including me, had been left wondering about your life events for over 3 weeks since your previous thread update....  we are a curious sort and you were missed for sure.

Wow-whee, lots of exciting things going on in your life as you stated in your very informative and detailed update about your GCS and progressing toward your transition goals .... and your exciting upcoming Skype with your father.... 
All of this is such wonderful news....  and I can just hear the glee in your voice as I read your update... even though I am just reading what you wrote and not actually hearing your speak.

Please keep us updated real soon regarding all of the events that you will be experiencing and especially tell us about how your Skype call went with your father..

We are all rooting for you and as your fans we want to be informed so we know how to support your efforts with our words and our thoughts.

Hugs and well wishes, as always,
Danielle

[Shy]

Nice to read your progress Liz Don't stress to much about your folks misgendering you, mine do it all the time to the point that I get an identity crisis . I know it can be really confusing and upsetting, but like you said their family and you love then to bits. That's all that matters, the rest is just words.
Good job with the 5ks, sounds like you're really getting in the swing of things, just take it slow and steady and you'll hit your targets I'm sure.
So I see you're still counting, but seem to have left out the seconds, milliseconds, nano and zeptoseconds.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Jayne01]

Hi Liz,

Great news with getting the approval to release funds from your super. It must be a big relief for you to know the necessary costs will all be covered. It can free up your mind to keep an accurate countdown to the big day! [emoji16]

Good work with your weight loss so far. Keep up the effort and you will feel so much better for it. The hardest part is getting yourself into a regular exercise routine, something I am still struggling to do.

I hope you have not had too much water damage from your overflowing kitchen sink incident. Give the floor plenty of time to thoroughly dry, it may not be as bad as it appears.

Best wishes for the Skype call with your father.

Looking forward to your next update.

Hugs,
Jayne

[davina61]

That's good news my dear, me I am still trying to lose some fat but its not working yet. 28 lb before the end of Sept , must give up eating !!!!

[LizK]

Good to hear from you Hon. Only - how long?

You are a remarkable and gentle woman to keep persevering with your Father. I know you love your family deeply and I do admire your fortitude.

Hopefully in 154 days and some hours it will be considerably warmer and those salt baths won't freeze the .... Oh you won't have any to be frozen off!!

OOhhh Heck has it been cold hasn't it...out walking this morning and I spotted a couple of brass monkeys searching the undergrowth...seems they were missing some personal items 

Thankyou for the kind words regarding my Dad  Unfortunately the call has been postponed (due to life interfering in our plans) and we should talk tomorrow. I do love my family and losing a member in the manner that I have, has been very difficult for me but my need to keep up the bravado about this is still ever present. 

We don't have a bath at home but I purchased a sitz bath (?) ( for those who don't know it is essentially a large wide plastic container, wide enough and  deep enough to just sit your fanny in it so you are able wash yourself)...I can just imagine the fun I am going to have with that!! .....and on your last point I agree I better not have any "bits" left down there 

Take care

Liz

[LizK]

@ElizabethK
Dear Liz ... thank you so very much for posting your update just about a half hour ago.  You had been missing in action.... your readers and followers, including me, had been left wondering about your life events for over 3 weeks since your previous thread update....  we are a curious sort and you were missed for sure.

Wow-whee, lots of exciting things going on in your life as you stated in your very informative and detailed update about your GCS and progressing toward your transition goals .... and your exciting upcoming Skype with your father.... 
All of this is such wonderful news....  and I can just hear the glee in your voice as I read your update... even though I am just reading what you wrote and not actually hearing your speak.

Please keep us updated real soon regarding all of the events that you will be experiencing and especially tell us about how your Skype call went with your father..

We are all rooting for you and as your fans we want to be informed so we know how to support your efforts with our words and our thoughts.

Hugs and well wishes, as always,
Danielle

@alasakan Danielle


Hi Danielle

Glad you enjoyed the update  I do deserve a bit of a scolding for being slack  I have to be honest and say that it was a little bit of slackness on my behalf but what I am going to use as an excuse is that I have been using TapaTalk for the last three weeks trying to keep up with everyone but in the process I ended up spending the majority of my time constantly reading and only being able to reply to a handful of threads. I dumped TapaTalk 2 days ago and am back on my PC. I sometimes forget about those who have been following along with my story but I will be updating much more frequently.


As I mentioned in my response to Cindy, the Skype call has been delayed until tomorrow...Each day just before I try to make the call I put on my "emotional armour" only to have to remove it a few minutes later. The whole exercise making me feel very anxious. It will come to an end and I will be Ok again until my Birthday in early November. No one in my family (Parents, brothers etc) knows about my November Surgery and I will not be telling them! They made it very clear to me from day one that they "Didn't want to know any details"...and they haven't gotten any so far and won't now.


Thankyou for checking in and letting me know that you read my updates. Sometimes its easy to forget that other people actually read what you post...thankyou. I value the input from everyone who is able to take the time to sit and write something in this thread. I also value those that read and may never comment...thankyou I appreciate that you took the time to read in the first place 

Take care

Liz

[LizK]

Hi Liz,

Great news with getting the approval to release funds from your super. It must be a big relief for you to know the necessary costs will all be covered. It can free up your mind to keep an accurate countdown to the big day! [emoji16]

Good work with your weight loss so far. Keep up the effort and you will feel so much better for it. The hardest part is getting yourself into a regular exercise routine, something I am still struggling to do.

I hope you have not had too much water damage from your overflowing kitchen sink incident. Give the floor plenty of time to thoroughly dry, it may not be as bad as it appears.

Best wishes for the Skype call with your father.

Looking forward to your next update.

Hugs,
Jayne

Hi Jayne

It was a great weight off my mind to get the funding and  it took plenty of perseverance. Like most of these things its difficult to quantify the amount of physical, emotional time and energy they consume but quite a substantial amount in my case I would think. In the end the result has left me in a better place than I was...always good!!

Thankyou for the encouragement with the exercise. It is now crucial to get this weight off after the amount of time and energy I used so far just to get this surgery to happen. As my fitness and gotten back to where it was this time last year I have noticed an upswing in my general well being. I also have less pain from my stupid hip if I can keep it exercised so that is another good positive reason to want to maintain the fitness and mobility. The motivation is always the hard part but I have found once the benefits begin to kick in things get so much easier.


It would seem the damage has been minimal to the kitchen floor and it would seem my quick efforts have paid some dividends. We will have to replace maybe 1/2 dozen boards but we have a spare 20 or more with which to do it...have no idea how to do it so will not even attempt too.


Skype call tomorrow so will let you all know then how things went

Take care
Liz 

[LizK]

That's good news my dear, me I am still trying to lose some fat but its not working yet. 28 lb before the end of Sept , must give up eating !!!!

Thanks Davina


LOL I can't see me losing the whole lot by September but definitely by November...but if I stop eating all this rubbish it would happen faster!! To be honest I have cut out all chocolate, sweets of any kind or deserts of any kind. Combine that with exercise and the last time I did this the weight dropped off me steadily...I got close to 90 Kgs before I "lost the plot" about this time last year. The catalyst being the awful episode with my now estranged brother. However I am on track to be at my goal 1 weight of 96kgs by then end of July which will give me a further 4 months to lose the final 6 kgs to be at my final goal weight of 90 Kgs

How you doing with your weight loss?


Take care


Liz

[davina61]

Need to cut out snacking and comfort food as put 10 lb back on over winter and not lost any yet. Should get the 10 of OK but its the next 10 that is stubborn

[LizK]

Thought I would give a quick update after my Skype Call with my Father

We had a very pleasant general chat initially leaving out the big issue over my brother. But here is where the story takes a pleasant turn, in the middle of the discussion about my brother this happened...

My father started out by telling me he watched a program about a " 50 year old married guy with two kids who transitioned after his wife died you know, a bit like you" he said he found the whole story fascinating but also enlightening and the whole thing had given him some insight. He acknowledged my very real life and death struggle with my GD and how long it had gone on.

As the conversation continued on, things got really weird...he misnamed and misgendered me whilst talking about some other topic but be immediately stopped, corrected himself and apologised to me. He told me he understood that it hurt me and he did not want to do that. I was trying to explain that all I want from anyone in my family is a genuine effort and honesty but he stopped me mid sentence and said he still needed to apologise....at this point I am really beginning to wonder what is going on.

It feels a little bit like someone threw on a light switch enabling him some understanding where he didn't have it before. What really reduced me to sniffling mess was the following

He said to me continuing on from his insistence at apologising to me...

"I no longer have the son that I was used to having but I now have a daughter....I have never had a daughter before and am so happy that I do...one thing I will say for sure is that I see a much happier person before me than I have ever seen. You are my daughter now...it might take a bit of time for me to get used to them (right name and pronouns), I also need to get to know my new daughter and learn about who she is.....but also, I need to learn how to treat my new daughter all of which which I am really happy to learn how to do"

Could one television program have really made the penny drop...maybe I am reading this wrong ( I don't think so...am I?)? he  went on to say that he "felt I was the same person he had always known but also different (in a good way) than I was"

I am an emotional puddle at this stage of the conversation...He has never called me his daughter before nor referred to me like that in any way.

So there you have it...I am surprised, happy, apprehensive , confused(pleasantly) and weirdly positive. I would be so happy if this was the start of better relationship between my father and I...unfortunately things have not always worked out that way in the past so it makes me wary. This time...maybe...

Liz

[Cindy]

WOW!


A very wonderful fantastic wow.

I'm very happy for you Hon.

That's great!

[Jayne01]

OMG Liz!!! That is incredible. I have the sniffles now also. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to be presented with the information in just the right way at just the right time for the penny to drop. That tv program sounds like it did that for your father. This is fantastic news! I want to give you a great big hug right now. You will have to settle for one of my virtual hugs for now.

(((((HUG)))))

Jayne

[Kendra]

Liz this is a huge breakthrough with your father.  The television program may have triggered this coming together in his mind, but it's really due to your persistence and doing everything possible from your side to help him understand.  I am so happy for you!

[Drexy/Drex]

Wow Liz Wow .... happy for you ....what a milestone 😊😊😊😊

[Northern Star Girl]

@ElizabethK
Yes Liz, Like the members that just replied, I am also bubbly happy for the successful Skype session with your father....  better that you could have ever hoped for I think. 

Your good news update gives me a glimmer of hope that one of these days my parents will come around to accept me.  So far my results are not as positive.
   
Thank you for your update and the encouragement it gives to me.
Hugs,
Danielle

[KathyLauren]

Wow, Liz, that is amazing!  I understand your need for caution, but it sounds like a wonderful change.

[LizK]

Thank you all ladies I am still a bit shell shocked over my father new found level of understanding and have read back on my earlier writings. I can see I have been this positive before only to find things return to the status quo shortly afterwards so caution is appropriate. To be honest it felt different this time and hopefully it was.

Weigh in day today
Lost a further 1.5 kgs so now sitting just on 100kgs (220 LB) so have approximately 4kg (8 LB) to reach my first mini goal. This is the weight I have to be to have my surgery in November proceed which is only 148 days 6 hrs 11 minutes till Surgery ( Not that anyone is counting ). I actually want to lose about another 10kgs more prior surgery which will put me around 90kgs.

Been to the Drs today and been given a referral for more speech work but I really am not sure how much more she will be able to help me. I unfortunately have an issue surrounding using my trained voice at home...my beloved would prefer if I use my natural voice and yes she understands that it is difficult for me. She has been so amazing throughout our entire marriage and especially my transition that I find it too difficult to deny this one request as I do know he reasons....so I haven't.This is something I need to work on with her and I will just have to bite the bullet and talk to her about it.

Awhile ago my 8 year old Olympus DSLR Camera stopped working with my standard 18-55 lens leaving me only a telephoto lens to use. Unfortunately just prior to the lens ceasing to work the screen developed a crack on it. It has been well used and done me great service. I go looking for a replacement lens and it is going to cost me somewhere around $300. So I thought I would compare the cost of a new camera. Long story short I bought a new Nikon d3400 DSLR with a standard18- 55mm lens. I have my eye out for either a 40 or 50mm Nikon Nikkor micro/macro lens which retail at around $400 upwards. I would like to find a good second hand one a bit cheaper but will have to keep my eyes open whilst I save the $$. So the new camera should arrive on Wednesday followed rapidly by a few profile picture updates lol

Its now just about to go lunch time and I have not been for my walk today so better get going. I want to be 98 something Kgs this time next week and it will not happen without the exercise. In theory I should be able to be at my first goal weight (96kgs) by the end of the month and be at or below 90kgs by the end of November. I want a big buffer between my surgery goal weight and my actual weight. With that in mind I am off and will be back a bit later to try and catch up with more posts.

Take care


Liz
 

[Jessica]

Liz, I'm so happy about your fathers and yours interaction.  How wonderful it is to have him accept you with all his love, congratulations!

How many days and hours is it now....I'm counting.

Hugs and smiles, Jess