Here I go again :-(

[JeanetteLW]

   It's a cloudy, rainy day again here in Oregon. I'm kinda feeling like the weather. I'm sad that my daughter doesn't accept me being trans. It was good the both her and Scott (her husband) were willing to talk about it. By now they've told the kids. I'm feeling reticent about visiting again because of it. That and because I still haven't heard what they may have decided after my coming out to them.
  But  what is getting me down most is a feeling that I have once again failed her as a dad. I've shocked her and made her sad again. I'm a disappointment and now likely an embarrassment. It just another failure in a long line of failures.  I've failed as a dad, failed as a protector, as a husband, and as a man.  She could be right. I could have some long time issue, something missing that I haven't discovered or confronted that keeps me from being normal. Something that keeps be grasping at straws trying to figure out who I am by crossdressing and now thinking I'm trans.  I don't know what that could be, but she could be right.  Maybe I should be seeing a regular shrink instead of a GD.
   So there you have it. My head isn't in a good place. You might describe it as a dark and stinky place. lol I'll get it pulled back out one of these days and be better, but I'm okay, not good, but okay.

[Dena]

That's not how I see it. You raised her and you didn't enforce your view point upon her allowing her to form her own view of the world. You didn't forbid her marriage to her husband and thus you have been very supportive of her life choices. The final verdict isn't in yet, but should she decide to reject you, it was a selfish decision on her part and not one of being  graceful for everything that she has received form you over the years. Unfortunately children through no fault of the parents make the wrong decisions.

You had no other option in life and if she doesn't see it today, it's possible some day in the future she will discover how wrong it was to reject you. 

[KathyLauren]

I could have some long time issue, something missing that I haven't discovered or confronted that keeps me from being normal.

Well, you undoubtedly have a long time issue.  But why would you think it was something else?  It seems fairly clear from reading your posts that you have gender dysphoria.  Which is a "long time issue" if anything is, and could likely account for a lot of stuff in your past.  So why look for another issue?

A gender therapist will be looking for other issues that might be masquerading as GD.  It is not their job to fix them, but I am sure they would tell you if they suspected something else.

Don't make your life complicated! 

[Shy]

   It's a cloudy, rainy day again here in Oregon. I'm kinda feeling like the weather. I'm sad that my daughter doesn't accept me being trans. It was good the both her and Scott (her husband) were willing to talk about it. By now they've told the kids. I'm feeling reticent about visiting again because of it. That and because I still haven't heard what they may have decided after my coming out to them.
  But  what is getting me down most is a feeling that I have once again failed her as a dad. I've shocked her and made her sad again. I'm a disappointment and now likely an embarrassment. It just another failure in a long line of failures.  I've failed as a dad, failed as a protector, as a husband, and as a man.  She could be right. I could have some long time issue, something missing that I haven't discovered or confronted that keeps me from being normal. Something that keeps be grasping at straws trying to figure out who I am by crossdressing and now thinking I'm trans.  I don't know what that could be, but she could be right.  Maybe I should be seeing a regular shrink instead of a GD.
   So there you have it. My head isn't in a good place. You might describe it as a dark and stinky place. lol I'll get it pulled back out one of these days and be better, but I'm okay, not good, but okay.

I had this kind of regret a few days post coming out too, I actually ended up with a crisis appointment with my GP thinking I'd ruined everything, with everyone I'd ever known, forever. It's quite common amongst the LGBTQ communities as you're bringing others into what was once a secret part of your life. Cis gendered people don't have to come out like we do, but it's actually one of the most beautiful gifts you can give your family, being honest and open with them. That doesn't sound like failure to me.
Very few of us get the "I'm so proud of you" reaction when we come out. I certainly didn't, it's just been a slow process of everyone getting used to a different family dynamic.
Try not to be so down on yourself Jeanette, I think you're awesome! You made me feel very welcome when I popped on to this site and I thank you for that:)
If you're feeling depressed then maybe ask a doc about it, no shame in that, you just may need a little more support at this time.

Peace, Love and all that Good stuff,

Shy

[Alanna1990]

   It's a cloudy, rainy day again here in Oregon. I'm kinda feeling like the weather. I'm sad that my daughter doesn't accept me being trans. It was good the both her and Scott (her husband) were willing to talk about it. By now they've told the kids. I'm feeling reticent about visiting again because of it. That and because I still haven't heard what they may have decided after my coming out to them.
  But  what is getting me down most is a feeling that I have once again failed her as a dad. I've shocked her and made her sad again. I'm a disappointment and now likely an embarrassment. It just another failure in a long line of failures.  I've failed as a dad, failed as a protector, as a husband, and as a man.  She could be right. I could have some long time issue, something missing that I haven't discovered or confronted that keeps me from being normal. Something that keeps be grasping at straws trying to figure out who I am by crossdressing and now thinking I'm trans.  I don't know what that could be, but she could be right.  Maybe I should be seeing a regular shrink instead of a GD.
   So there you have it. My head isn't in a good place. You might describe it as a dark and stinky place. lol I'll get it pulled back out one of these days and be better, but I'm okay, not good, but okay.

Ohhh my... try to be at peace with yourself, I get you so much, when I told everybody my wife left me, divorced and refuses to let me see my son (he's just 3 years old) lost my job, and have been living in my parent's spare room for months no... the pain can be a huge thing, try to deal with it, cry whenever you can, and while things can look grim I think your daughter will come to her senses and accept you the way you are, because like my mom said to me, you can't divorce your children, that's horrible, I think it's the same the other way around, you just have to be optimistic, it will be alright.

[LizK]

   It's a cloudy, rainy day again here in Oregon. I'm kinda feeling like the weather. I'm sad that my daughter doesn't accept me being trans. It was good the both her and Scott (her husband) were willing to talk about it. By now they've told the kids. I'm feeling reticent about visiting again because of it. That and because I still haven't heard what they may have decided after my coming out to them.
  But  what is getting me down most is a feeling that I have once again failed her as a dad. I've shocked her and made her sad again. I'm a disappointment and now likely an embarrassment. It just another failure in a long line of failures.  I've failed as a dad, failed as a protector, as a husband, and as a man.  She could be right. I could have some long time issue, something missing that I haven't discovered or confronted that keeps me from being normal. Something that keeps be grasping at straws trying to figure out who I am by crossdressing and now thinking I'm trans.  I don't know what that could be, but she could be right.  Maybe I should be seeing a regular shrink instead of a GD.
   So there you have it. My head isn't in a good place. You might describe it as a dark and stinky place. lol I'll get it pulled back out one of these days and be better, but I'm okay, not good, but okay.

So pull you head out of your bad place and hold it up high. Despite that ignorant response from your daughter, you are still a worthwhile human being who is deserving of a daughters respect if nothing else. Most reasonable people don't react the way your daughter did...don't be disheartened, time can be a great healer. Keep the channels open as difficult as that can be...

I am sure you will work this out
Liz

[JeanetteLW]

Just saw this on social media. My daughter wrote:

"My heart is breaking for my children who are confused and sad and broken-hearted over devastating news they just received about someone they love very much (our immediate family are all ok). It's not something we wish to share publicly, but my family could use a lot of prayers."

  I'm waiting for the questions from mutual friends and relatives to start.

[Michelle_P]

But  what is getting me down most is a feeling that I have once again failed her as a dad. I've shocked her and made her sad again. I'm a disappointment and now likely an embarrassment. It just another failure in a long line of failures.  I've failed as a dad, failed as a protector, as a husband, and as a man.  She could be right. I could have some long time issue, something missing that I haven't discovered or confronted that keeps me from being normal. Something that keeps be grasping at straws trying to figure out who I am by crossdressing and now thinking I'm trans.  I don't know what that could be, but she could be right.  Maybe I should be seeing a regular shrink instead of a GD.

I'm so sorry this happened, and your latest news doesn't sound very good, either.  Being kicked down by our own family members is hard.  Trying to deal with multiple blows is very hard.

Jeanette, try and make some time to spend with a sympathetic person, someone who will listen to you and help you through this.  It's hard to deal with multiple blows to our psyches at the same time.  I just went through this a couple weeks ago, and know how hard it can be.

Dena is absolutely right. You had to do this, no other real choice, really.

Your daughter is hitting you with this junk because she's like most people, without understanding of what having to submerge our gender identity for decades is like, and how it corrodes our very soul.  She's trying to relate it to things she can understand, and misinterpreting what is actually going on.  Buying into her misinterpretation does you no good.

[Rayna]

..."My heart is breaking for my children who are confused and sad and broken-hearted over devastating news they just received about someone they love very much (our immediate family are all ok). It's not something we wish to share publicly, but my family could use a lot of prayers."

  I'm waiting for the questions from mutual friends and relatives to start.

Jeannette, I'm so sorry your daughter is outing you to the larger social circle without your being given the opportunity to say it yourself, when you're ready. She may pretend she's not outing you, but as you said, the mutual friends and relatives will be asking.

You may just need to rip off the bandaid now, and be up front with anyone who asks. There's probably no hiding it now.

You have our support however you choose to face this. You are strong and you have a lot of friends here. We all care about you, and many have been through this themselves.  Take care.
Love,
Randy

[Rayna]

I also meant to say, your grandchildren's alleged reaction is probably very much coming from your daughter. I don't think most kids that age really care that much about gender issues. They live in a very different world than do adults. I suspect if you had them out for a social day with you, they'd have very little problem with you or your gender.
Love,
Randy

[JeanetteLW]

Thanks Dena, Kathy, Liz, Alanna, shy, Randy and Michelle.

   I've got myself under control again, but it did hurt.  If someone does ask I'll deal with it then. I'm an old hand at never doing today what I can put off until tomorrow.

  As for my grand kids I can understand confused. I'm not so sure about sad, as I don't see what there is to be sad about. Unless they believe they won't be able to see me again. That could be the "devastating news" my daughter and her husband told them I suppose but I do not know that. I haven't been told anything yet. When I do get told what they've I'll figure out how to deal with it then.

   Will someone please tell me to stop being a dang "Drama Queen" when I go off like that?

  In the mean time I have a pickup to have checked out before I can go for a ride. Details yet to come but I have to be back by the 10th for my GT appointment. Probably Missouri and fitchin.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[LizK]

 

Stop Being  "Drama Queen"....too soon?



You know one of us was going to do it!!!

[JeanetteLW]

 

  I meant NEXT time , Liz, next time!

*sigh*

Hugs,
    Jeanette

[jentay1367]

L.O.L. .....

[Janes Groove]

  I could have some long time issue, something missing that I haven't discovered or confronted that keeps me from being normal.

Normal*? . . . and what is that exactly? 


*I've never met a "normal" person in my whole long life.

[JeanetteLW]

Just saw this on social media. My daughter wrote:

"My heart is breaking for my children who are confused and sad and broken-hearted over devastating news they just received about someone they love very much (our immediate family are all ok). It's not something we wish to share publicly, but my family could use a lot of prayers."

  I'm waiting for the questions from mutual friends and relatives to start.

   Last night I sent a PM to my daughter in response the the above.  I can understand the confusion but the rest hurt. This is how I responded.

"sad and broken-hearted over devastating news" Did you tell them I died?... I am sorry I failed you once again, am an embarrassment to you, and made life harder for you at a time when you have enough burdens to bear. I love you and everyone there. I'm sorry for the hurt.

  I haven't heard from her at all since I returned home from her place. Nothing regarding how they want to proceed nor on response to my PM. I am not going to dwell on it any longer. She will let me know where we go from here or not.  I've done my part. 

  Now where's that bottle of red wine and box of chocolates?

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[jentay1367]

Good for you Jeanette, sometimes the doormat approach doesn't work. At any rate, don't go quietly into that good night. Good job for standing up for yourself! I  might also let her know that it's not her job to be the town crier with information that was shared in confidence.

[JeanetteLW]

it's not her job to be the town crier with information that was shared in confidence.

  Technically she hasn't yet. I am surprised I haven't been asked what is going on by others yet. I think it's only a matter of time though. I'll cross that bridge when it does.

  Thanks Jen,
   Jeanette

[LizK]

  I meant NEXT time , Liz, next time!

*sigh*

Hugs,
    Jeanette

I never was good with instructions

Liz

[LizK]

   Last night I sent a PM to my daughter in response the the above.  I can understand the confusion but the rest hurt. This is how I responded.

"sad and broken-hearted over devastating news" Did you tell them I died?... I am sorry I failed you once again, am an embarrassment to you, and made life harder for you at a time when you have enough burdens to bear. I love you and everyone there. I'm sorry for the hurt.

  I haven't heard from her at all since I returned home from her place. Nothing regarding how they want to proceed nor on response to my PM. I am not going to dwell on it any longer. She will let me know where we go from here or not.  I've done my part. 

  Now where's that bottle of red wine and box of chocolates?

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

It is tough when you have to call you own out on stuff.  You can't do much more than you have. Keeping the lines of communication open like you have is always a good thing...apart from that what else can you practically do. No more than you already have.

Liz