Here I go again :-(

[Michelle_P]

Yaaaay!   Well done, Jeanette, well done!

My first retail interaction was courtesy of a push from my therapist.  I went to a Starbucks next to the office after my fourth session (I think).  I had been presenting as myself from the second session, so there was that daytime dash across the parking lot, and an interaction with the receptionist (well trained!) as well.

It ain't easy, the first time.  I will tell you that repeated successes become addictive.  I soon left for therapy early, got breakfast in a diner, and went grocery or other shopping after every session.  About a month after that I was effectively full-time outside the house. (Inside was a different and sadder story.)

But, you did it.  You actually did it.  Congratulations.

[JeanetteLW]

 Thank you Michelle,

  So far I've only been sneaking out at night for these impromptu challenges. Of course the stores are all lit up but I'm only there a short time then I escape back to the safety of my pickup.  Not sure I could do it during the daylight.
  I thought of going to a therapy appointment but the common lobby at the VA was PACKED with people the last time I went.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Rayna]

Great work, Jeanette! We are all proud of you.

I showed your photo to my wife (using she/her pronouns) and she said, "That's a man?" in an amazed voice.  You're presenting very well and have nothing to worry about.

Love Randy

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[JeanetteLW]

Thanks Randy,

    And thank your wife for the kind word. But don't you think it's time for a visit to her optometrist? lol  Pictures can and do lie you know?

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[Shy]

Well that's an A+ with credits for your homework assignment Jeanette!

I can't believe how natural and content you look in your latest selfie. And damn girl, now I've got some serious nail envy.

Glad to here your sister is getting better. Hospitals aren't nice places for anyone.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[LizK]

Good on you Jeanette,

It takes great courage and to sit in your car for 5 minutes means it was touch and go there for awhile? You came through...so what if she clocked you...who cares...how do you feel about it now you are back...have we just made things harder for you?

As far as a grade goes you get a "Pass" 

Coming out is going to seem like a walk in the park compared to what you just did. I commend you for sticking it out despite your uncomfortable feelings and not just bailing shows courage and determination for a start...

Liz

[TransAm]

You have some of the prettiest most beautifully shaped nails I've ever seen and you look great.
Also, it sounds like you did well even if you were nervous. Good job pushing yourself a bit past your comfort zone and taking that first major leap. Seriously, I'm proud of you.

Personally, I always liked going to Target when I was in the in-between phase (visually male but yet to change my ID/CC) because their registers don't show the name on your card in big bold letters to the cashier on their screens.
Just a heads up, Kohl's does. I was there one day with my fiancée buying her a pair of shoes and a couple other odds and ends. I mindlessly swiped my card only to feel the weight of confused eyes all over me. I looked up and the cashier (an older woman) looked at me and quietly said, "Uh... is... your name ___?"
It took me completely off-guard and I just sort of stammered out a rough explanation. She nodded and everything went through fine, but that was a deeply uncomfortable experience and I'm glad we were the only two in line at the time. I was considerably more cautious with my card after that and started carrying cash as a result.

[KathyLauren]

Way to go, Jeanette!  You did it!!  We are all proud of you.

I am glad to hear that your sister is getting out of hospital.  Sorry that it means curtailing your freedom.

[jentay1367]

Awesomeness!!!!!!

[Janes Groove]

You're doing great. You're a natural at this.  I think you'll find it will be harder now NOT to want to go out more.  As to the handbag you might want to consider a bag with a shoulder strap.   If you look around you'll see lots of women wearing them, and not just because they are convenient, but because they have a strap that goes right down the middle between one's boobs making them stand out just a little more. A girl needs all the help she can get!  So next homework assignment: senior Tuesday at the ARC.

I love the picture of you with the cuticle tool. It's a very feminine expression.  I vote that for you profile pic.

Good luck coming out to your sister.

[JeanetteLW]

Well that's an A+ with credits for your homework assignment Jeanette!

I can't believe how natural and content you look in your latest selfie. And damn girl, now I've got some serious nail envy.

Sadie

You have some of the prettiest most beautifully shaped nails I've ever seen and you look great.
Also, it sounds like you did well even if you were nervous. Good job pushing yourself a bit past your comfort zone and taking that first major leap. Seriously, I'm proud of you.

   Sadie and Stone thank you for the pats on the back. Yes I did have more difficulties going in this time knowing I was going to buy something and go threw the check out line. And thanks Stone for the tip about ID cards. I'll keep that in mind.
   My nails have always been the envy of girls and women. I hate them short and file them rather than clip them. I usually only clip them when I break a couple. Then I clip them all and start over. They grow strong and fast and the length you see is only 3 - 4 weeks. I have been real tempted to visit a salon and have a manicure but then that fear thing shows up again. Another problem I have now id what looks like bubbles or rather broken ridges along wit unbroken ridges growing out from the nail bed to the tips. Even when I try to even them with the rest of the nail you can still see them through polish even. :-(

It takes great courage and to sit in your car for 5 minutes means it was touch and go there for awhile? You came through...so what if she clocked you...who cares...how do you feel about it now you are back...have we just made things harder for you?
As far as a grade goes you get a "Pass" 
Coming out is going to seem like a walk in the park compared to what you just did. I commend you for sticking it out despite your uncomfortable feelings and not just bailing shows courage and determination for a start...
Liz

  Thanks Liz,
  Touch and go? Yes I would says so. I didn't say anything about how long it took me to get up and start the process to get out of the door this time. I was already dressed as I had been most of the day so when I decided I was going to do this it should not have taken long to go through the door, but it did. I finally go up and got out my makeup and put it on. even a light layering took me some time. then the earrings and wig. All ready right? No, I sat down and had to think about it again. There would be people there... I finally convinced myself there shouldn't be that many due to the hour. So now I grab my purse and my phone, put my wallet in, take my wallet out and get my Target card out ready for use and put my wallet back in. Take my wallet out and put the card back in it, replace the wallet in my purse again but open this time to make accessing the card easier and cut down the fumbling for it. *sigh*.  Time out. Do I really want to do this? decide my lipstick is a bit much for Target so back into the bathroom to redo it.
Okay I am doing this. Get my coat and put it on. Check out the windows in the kitchen and bedroom to see if the coast is clear... ooops there's a car waiting outside. Come onnnnnnn already go away!  It finally leaves.  Peek out the door and put the key in to lock it quickly after me. Go, go, go, out the door , close and locked. To the pickup unlock the door. Damn the light comes on. Hurry inside and start the engine so the dome light gore out. Damn the headlights come on and reflect back off the wall illuminating me as well as the dome light did. Quickly put it in reverse and back out, put it into drive and out of the complex I go.  Safe, safely out on the road and back into a known comfort zone. Just another lady driving down the road. Finally  I pull into the Target parking lot and the fear has me in it's grasp once again.. elapse time from deciding to go and getting there? approximately an hour and a half.
  See Liz? It was a piece of cake. no problem at all.
  How do I feel about it? Relieved that it's over. Elated that I did it. Fearful that there will undoubtedly be a next time. You're right I had to gather up the courage to get out of my pickup and go inside. I almost didn't. There were so many people still going in and out. I don't like people in male mode and in girl mode it's thousands of times worse.

Way to go, Jeanette!  You did it!!  We are all proud of you.
I am glad to hear that your sister is getting out of hospital.  Sorry that it means curtailing your freedom.

  Thank you Kathy Yes I did, and thank you for my sister. Her being here will have a damping effect on what and when I can be me but it won't be forever. Hopefully it won't be for much longer as I do need to tell her, her brother is one of those weirdos. I'm not sure how she will take the news and I fear the domino effect it is likely to start.
  Alas It will have to be done eventually.
  On that note.
  I sent a Facebook PM to my daughter last night trying to break the ice. So far no response.  *sigh*

Hugs to all,
    Jeanette

[JeanetteLW]

You're doing great. You're a natural at this.  I think you'll find it will be harder now NOT to want to go out more.  As to the handbag you might want to consider a bag with a shoulder strap.  ...  So next homework assignment: senior Tuesday at the ARC.

I love the picture of you with the cuticle tool. It's a very feminine expression.  I vote that for you profile pic.

Good luck coming out to your sister.

  Thank you both Jen and Jane,

   "A natural"? read my 2nd post after the outing....  It's an ordeal. Not anxious to be doing this more just yet Jane,

My purse does have a strap. alas it's not long enough to wear like you suggest and it's too long to wear on the shoulder comfortable and have it feel secure. I may not be proficient in purses yet. duh.  LOL

Thanks for the sister comment. It will happen, when is the question. I probably should bring her home first.

At a loss for "senior Tuesday at the ARC."

Hugs,
   Jeanette

[LizK]

One of the things that I discovered is that you have to keep track of your cards...I have misplaced mine several times over the last 6 months and lost it once. I have never done that in my life...I think it is a combination of being nervous and the person who serves you. The first few times I went out, if someone was weird with me, I would get really flustered and I normally would be trying to escape the situation as fast as I can thereby being careless and not looking where I was putting my card....I was really annoyed with myself after losing it the final time because I got all weird about using my handbag(stupid dysphoria) and just grabbed my card and at some point got so flustered left it behind or dropped it somewhere....Now... no bag >no purse>no card ....they all stay together (sigh)

Liz

[Janes Groove]

At a loss for "senior Tuesday at the ARC."

It's a second hand store like Goodwill and every Tuesday is always 1/2 off for mature ladies like us. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. I always end up buying too many clothes (is that even possible?).  I thought they had ARCs everywhere. Guess not.

[jentay1367]

It's a second hand store like Goodwill and every Tuesday is always 1/2 off for mature ladies like us. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. I always end up buying too many clothes (is that even possible?).  I thought they had ARCs everywhere. Guess not.

I have a lovely little consignment shop like that near me, Jane. They start out at certain prices and the longer the stuff sits, the cheaper it gets. I've gotten Jones of New York and some Anne Klein pieces for like two bucks apiece in new condition. They have clothes, jewelry, purses and shoes. Half my wardrobe's from this place...l.o.l. Only way to dress. I love it on every level and really hope it never goes away!

[JeanetteLW]

It's a second hand store like Goodwill and every Tuesday is always 1/2 off for mature ladies like us. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. I always end up buying too many clothes (is that even possible?).  I thought they had ARCs everywhere. Guess not.

  Ahhhh thank you for clarifying it for me. I googled it and interestingly I can find a donation center here in Orgeon but no apparent store.

[p]

Jeanette!!!!! I am so happy for you, such big steps. You look wonderful--I love your new wig and your SMILE 

Love you, P

[JeanetteLW]

  Thank you p. This one took a bit of work to get done with many episodes of having to talk myself in to getting ready, going out the door, getting out of my pickup and going inside. Not to mention the shopping part and checking out. I couldn't wait to get out of the store and back into the safety of my pickup.
  Yeah this one was harder. But I did do it!

  Hugs p,
   Jeanette

[JeanetteLW]

  Hi all,

  I am in hiding for a few days. Not only is my sister home now but we have an out of town guest staying here until Thursday. One on my nephews dropped in on his way home to California from Connecticut. this puts a severe cut on my forum time as well as my time to be me.  Muches sadness.  I'll be on when I can.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[vicki_sixx]

As to the handbag you might want to consider a bag with a shoulder strap.   If you look around you'll see lots of women wearing them, and not just because they are convenient, but because they have a strap that goes right down the middle between one's boobs making them stand out just a little more.

It's really weird but for years I always though bags were a hindrance to women and loved the fact that men have pockets whilst women don't (on dresses & skirt) or only very shallow ones on jeans (mainly present for decoration only). I thought it was unfortunate that women need to cart bags around all the time but having done it myself, I must say it's fantastic and not at all as ball-and-chain as I envisaged. Now, only now, do I understand why women can have everything including the kitchen sink in their bags!