Here I go again :-(

[JeanetteLW]

I'm really good. I had my first outpatient follow up last Thursday and was surprised that I had the whole team of 2 consultants and 4 registrars seeing me, seemingly I'm a bit of a star in my recovery time so they're interested in how I'm going. I was asked the usual about pain etc and I said yep, heaps of pain. I was told I had a choice, I have been so heavily irradiated that my wound healing will be slow and scars (both external and internal) will be very tight unless I keep flexing them. If I don't keep flexing I will not have pain but will have very poor movement,. I of course told them that I will have total free movement as soon as possible and as for pain - bring it on.
I'm having a TOF voice system inserted in a week or so, depending upon healing, and will then learn to talk again. I'm also being part of a clinical trial for a new type of stoma button and that will arrive soon.

Eating was an issue so I started to puree my food and then began one meal puree next meal chew and swallow. Last night I had a full home made roast chicken dinner, all chew and although it took me a while I ate the lot without too many swelling issues. Sometimes I need to stand up to allow gravity to help me swallow but that's easy.

I also had a catch up with the pathologist who looked after my histology. We have worked together and been friends for over 30 years so it has been quite a difficult time for him. Anyhow, the cancer had started to spread in the larynx but there were clear margins and it was removed. I had a neck dissection while under and so they kept sending samples to him for checking, the routine is that they will look at about 3 or 4 sentinel lymph nodes and various tissue samples. He called in his Registrars and looked at 35 sentinel nodes and 15 tissue samples while I was under and everything was clear. No wonder I was under for so long but what service!

As for life, well I'm slowly getting back to work here and getting around to some projects that I was supposed to do but had shelved for a while.
I've started a new photography project that I am enjoying.
I'm walking for 1-2 hours a day, my left thigh muscle is now my throat so I need to build up that muscle again.
But most of my time is spent in rebuilding myself, I still need about 10 hours sleep at night and 2-3 hours during the day. I'm down to 48kg so I need to put on about 15 kgs to get back to a healthy weight and I'm trying to balance my pain threshold with meditation and medication to achieve a balance that I am happy with.

Oh and I smile a lot and love life as only people who have had our experiences can.

In my spare time I have taken up the sport of cajoling

Wow! Cindy, what a work load. You certainly have a lot of stuff going on with your recovery. But heck Lady, I can tell you are on top of it all. There's a lot of challenges there too and I think by reading your dissertation that you are  up to the task. Dang it, Cindy What I mean to say is that you sound like you are doing great! You're in pain as you should be at this point, but that is only the physical. Your attitude and love of life is exemplary for the rest of us that haven't had the challenges you have. It also sounds like you are in good hands there and getting the care you need and deserve. It is really good to read this update on you.

  Yes (sigh) I know all about that new sport of yours... I suppose it's good for me. I should be flattered that you have taken this interest in me. I feel accepted and part of the family in part because of it. I've been made to feel at home here by not only you but by many of the other ladies here. I thank you and them for that.

  I am glad, happy, overjoyed that you are doing better Cindy. Keep fighting for that mischievous life of yours so we can all benefit from having you around many more years.

  Love ya you cantankerous old broad,
    Jeanette

[HappyMoni]

I don't always get a chance to check in on this thread but I am glad I did. It is good to hear about Cindy's progress. Do I have it right that Jeanette is forcing everyone to get makeovers? Oh, and was there something about vampire cross dressers who only go out at night? Well anyway, I hope I am not too late to say congrats for telling your sister Jeanette? It is so great to watch you move forward.
Moni
PS  Is cajoling when you go to a bar and make a fool of yourself by singing the lyrics while they play the music?

[JeanetteLW]

I don't always get a chance to check in on this thread but I am glad I did. It is good to hear about Cindy's progress. Do I have it right that Jeanette is forcing everyone to get makeovers? Oh, and was there something about vampire cross dressers who only go out at night? Well anyway, I hope I am not too late to say congrats for telling your sister Jeanette? It is so great to watch you move forward.
Moni
PS  Is cajoling when you go to a bar and make a fool of yourself by singing the lyrics while they play the music?

*sigh*  No Moni Cindy is the one instigating and cajoling about makeovers. I am an innocent victim.
  Vampire crossdresser huh? not quite right but I can see where you could get the idea.
Thanks for the kudos
  I think you mean karaoke... cajoling is  the trouble making and harassing that Cindy does to coerce newer people into doing thing they are uncomfortable doing.

   You are welcome to come read this thread more often if you want.

Hugs,
    Jeanette

[HappyMoni]

*sigh*  No Moni Cindy is the one instigating and cajoling about makeovers. I am an innocent victim.
  Vampire crossdresser huh? not quite right but I can see where you could get the idea.
Thanks for the kudos
  I think you mean karaoke... cajoling is  the trouble making and harassing that Cindy does to coerce newer people into doing thing they are uncomfortable doing.

   You are welcome to come read this thread more often if you want.

Hugs,
    Jeanette

Jeanette,
   Thanks for the invite. I will try to visit more. I do have a fear of cajoling, innocent victims, karaoke, vampires, and, most importantly, being on Cindy's instigating radar. Did I forget Feng Shui and makeovers? Pretty scary thread you have here. 
Moni

[p]

Jeanette--sorry to be late to the party. Congratulations on coming out to your sister! This is so huge--freedom to be yourself in your own home. From your posts I can sense the relief already. Not that there won't be a road ahead w/ your sister re: acceptance and fully coming to terms, but it sounds like you are off to a fantastic start with her. So excited for these steps you have taken (and the steps you are considering--MAKE-O-VER, MAKE-O-VER  ). Love, P

[JeanetteLW]

Jeanette--sorry to be late to the party. Congratulations on coming out to your sister! This is so huge--freedom to be yourself in your own home. From your posts I can sense the relief already.  So excited for these steps you have taken  Love, P

   Thank you p, it seems I was wrong about my sister and what she was talking about when she said weirdos in reference to LGBTQ. She was talking about the acronym itself not the people it represents. She doesn't like how everybody seems to us acronyms these days instead of the words everyone can understand. So far I am having no problems with my sister's acceptance.

J So excited for these steps you have taken (and the steps you are considering--MAKE-O-VER, MAKE-O-VER  ). Love, P

  aaaarrrg!!
CINDY!! See what you are doing?  You have started a movement!!

Hugs,
    Jeanette

[LizK]

But I thought it was you who started this whole make over thing...challenging us poor defenceless souls, wicked of you I say absolutely wicked... I still Like "Jeanette's Makeover Challenge" as a topic...has a certain ring to it

On a more serious note

How have the last few days been with your sister? Is it working out the way you hoped....

Liz

[JeanetteLW]

  Hi Liz,

First off Liz, to set the record straight Cindy was the troublemaker as usual as seen below.

With the in mind; when are we heading off for a make-over? Maybe the afternoon before dinner with a few girl friends?

But I thought it was you who started this whole make over thing...challenging us poor defenceless souls, wicked of you I say absolutely wicked... I still Like "Jeanette's Makeover Challenge" as a topic...has a certain ring to it

On a more serious note

How have the last few days been with your sister? Is it working out the way you hoped....

Liz

   As far as coming out to my sister goes, it seems as I was mistaken about what she meant  when she "weirdos" when we were talking about LGBTQ and it meaning. She was actually referring to the use of the acronym being used instead of saying the words so everyone could understand what it means. She didn't mean the people were weirdos. So me fears were misplaced. My sister has been great so far. We have even had a few short sessions of what I would describe as girl talk. A few words on nails and polish, earrings, taste in clothes. makeup use in general terms etc.
  I haven't been in full girl mode in front of her yet. Though I was in complete female dress with earrings and nail polish yesterday. I only lacked wig and makeup.
  Today was back in male mode due to having to be out and about in public taking her for a doctor's appointment, checking mail, and doing laundry. I change to more preferred dress a bit later.

  But things are going well with my sister and in general. I'm not complaining today.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Cindy]

  Hi Liz,

First off Liz, to set the record straight Cindy was the troublemaker as usual as seen below.

With the in mind; when are we heading off for a make-over? Maybe the afternoon before dinner with a few girl friends?

But I thought it was you who started this whole make over thing...challenging us poor defenceless souls, wicked of you I say absolutely wicked... I still Like "Jeanette's Makeover Challenge" as a topic...has a certain ring to it

On a more serious note

How have the last few days been with your sister? Is it working out the way you hoped....

Liz

   As far as coming out to my sister goes, it seems as I was mistaken about what she meant  when she "weirdos" when we were talking about LGBTQ and it meaning. She was actually referring to the use of the acronym being used instead of saying the words so everyone could understand what it means. She didn't mean the people were weirdos. So me fears were misplaced. My sister has been great so far. We have even had a few short sessions of what I would describe as girl talk. A few words on nails and polish, earrings, taste in clothes. makeup use in general terms etc.
  I haven't been in full girl mode in front of her yet. Though I was in complete female dress with earrings and nail polish yesterday. I only lacked wig and makeup.
  Today was back in male mode due to having to be out and about in public taking her for a doctor's appointment, checking mail, and doing laundry. I change to more preferred dress a bit later.

  But things are going well with my sister and in general. I'm not complaining today.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

All I can say is: Fake News and Alternative Facts

[JeanetteLW]

   As far as coming out to my sister goes, it seems as I was mistaken about what she meant  when she "weirdos" when we were talking about LGBTQ and it meaning. She was actually referring to the use of the acronym being used instead of saying the words so everyone could understand what it means. She didn't mean the people were weirdos. So me fears were misplaced. My sister has been great so far. We have even had a few short sessions of what I would describe as girl talk. A few words on nails and polish, earrings, taste in clothes. makeup use in general terms etc.
  I haven't been in full girl mode in front of her yet. Though I was in complete female dress with earrings and nail polish yesterday. I only lacked wig and makeup.
  Today was back in male mode due to having to be out and about in public taking her for a doctor's appointment, checking mail, and doing laundry. I change to more preferred dress a bit later.

  But things are going well with my sister and in general. I'm not complaining today.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette



All I can say is: Fake News and Alternative Facts

OMG!! ROFLMAO Cindy

I see this as just another instance of you Aussies messing with us Yanks.

[LizK]

All I can say is: Fake News and Alternative Facts

Its just sad when that happens...

[JeanetteLW]

Its just sad when that happens...

  Just sitting here shaking my head in disbelief.

[LizK]

  Just sitting here shaking my head in disbelief.

It's Ok dear just breathe....

[LizK]

  Hi Liz,

First off Liz, to set the record straight Cindy was the troublemaker as usual as seen below.

   As far as coming out to my sister goes, it seems as I was mistaken about what she meant  when she "weirdos" when we were talking about LGBTQ and it meaning. She was actually referring to the use of the acronym being used instead of saying the words so everyone could understand what it means. She didn't mean the people were weirdos. So me fears were misplaced. My sister has been great so far. We have even had a few short sessions of what I would describe as girl talk. A few words on nails and polish, earrings, taste in clothes. makeup use in general terms etc.
  I haven't been in full girl mode in front of her yet. Though I was in complete female dress with earrings and nail polish yesterday. I only lacked wig and makeup.
  Today was back in male mode due to having to be out and about in public taking her for a doctor's appointment, checking mail, and doing laundry. I change to more preferred dress a bit later.

  But things are going well with my sister and in general. I'm not complaining today.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

That is really great that your sister has turned out to be so supportive of you and that you have broken the ice with her as far as your presentation. That must feel pretty good that you can now move at your own pace with out restriction. It might take a bit of getting used to but I am sure you will make it.

I would argue you have been in full girl mode by dressing as yourself... putting on the wig and makeup is not going to suddenly change things for her. Having said that it was not so long ago I wouldn't take a handbag with me because it was going to make the difference as to wether I attracted attention or not....maybe the long hair, female shoes, clothes and jewellery might actually have been a catalyst for attracting attention. I had to stop myself thinking like that because it really didn't make any sense and was more about acceptance...it was one of the things that helped me make the decision about going fulltime. 

It a bummer you have to return to drab mode  when you go out but that will change. You are making great progress and you sound happy...maybe not so much about the make over LOL but on the whole you sound happy.

Hugs

Liz

[JeanetteLW]

That is really great that your sister has turned out to be so supportive of you and that you have broken the ice with her as far as your presentation. That must feel pretty good that you can now move at your own pace with out restriction. It might take a bit of getting used to but I am sure you will make it.

I would argue you have been in full girl mode by dressing as yourself... putting on the wig and makeup is not going to suddenly change things for her.......  I had to stop myself thinking like that because it really didn't make any sense and was more about acceptance...it was one of the things that helped me make the decision about going fulltime. 

It a bummer you have to return to drab mode  when you go out but that will change. You are making great progress and you sound happy...maybe not so much about the make over LOL but on the whole you sound happy.

Hugs

Liz

   You may have something there Liz, These last few weeks have made me feel a little bit more comfortable with myself. A little less fear that what I am doing isn't the right thing and a little more confident that it is right. But then when I think about going outside my door in broad daylight and those fears and doubts come flooding back.
   I could be happy. You might be right. I certainly do not feel I have a crisis at the moment. No reason to pick up the phone and call my therapist. Nothing pressing to talk to him about before my scheduled appointment on the 9th.

  I am getting a bit anxious to have my next blood tests done so I can approach my doctor about increasing my estradiol and/or possibly adding progesterone.  He said he would schedule the tests for 3 months but it will actually be 4 months by the time it is scheduled for on the 22nd. It's been 3 months already and I want it now.  LOL
  Is that fickle or what? I'm afraid to start being a woman in public but I want more HRT drugs so I can become a woman. Isn't that silly? 
  I looked online for electrolysis and there isn't much close to me. Pretty much only one that is by appointment only and I don't know anything about them except what is on their site which isn't much. There are a few in Portland (which isn't far) but I really dislike having to go into the city. The local LGBTQ+ center may have more possibilities but again they would be in Portland and if not downtown then likely in an area I  like even less. Perhaps I should look south in towards Salem. It maybe the capital but it isn't as built up like Portland is. I feel I should be getting something like that started... but then that is yet another irreversible step... That may be what is holding me back from it.  Yes, I'm doing better but...... lol

Yeah ,I am doing good today, even in male mode. I think I will go put on a dress. My sister hasn't seen me in a dress yet.  lol

Hugs,
    Jeanette
 

[KathyLauren]

Definitely get started on the electrolysis.  Sooner is better. 

What are the odds that you would ever want to grow a beard?  I am guessing slim to none.  So, although it is an "irreversable" step, it is one without any negative consequence.  (Other than a bit of physical pain.  OK, quite a lot of pain.)

I had a beard right up until the day I came out to my wife.  But it was part of my disguise.  Once the need for a disguise was gone, I was happy to lose it permanently.  But now I am full-time and growing stubble three days a week so the electrologist has something to work with.  Ugh!  Talk about dysphoric.  I wish I had started it much earlier.  But I just couldn't wait the couple of years it would have taken to clear my face, so it is what it is.

[JeanetteLW]

  Thanks for the input Kathy, My facial disguise was a mustache, a nice gray mustache. I wore it fir something like 15 years maybe a few more. It's been gone for a few years now it looked terrible with lipstick.

  Well I didn't change into a dress. I'm in a black skirt and red/black cowl neck top with a 2" stretch belt. On my head is my short wig with sparkly large hoop earrings and on my feet 3 1/2 black heels.  I went out to show my sister saying "how is this for a different look?" her response? "Wow, it is different" then we talked about our different clothing tastes. Such as, she isn't a high heel girl where I am, she prefers baggy boys jeans (she has 3 pairs of mine that I can't wear anymore) and I like skirts and dresses.  But now she has seen me in a skirt and a wig. Makeup will be another time.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Rayna]

   I'm in a black skirt and red/black cowl neck top with a 2" stretch belt. On my head is my short wig with sparkly large hoop earrings and on my feet 3 1/2 black heels.  I went out to show my sister saying "how is this for a different look?" her response? "Wow, it is different" then we talked about our different clothing tastes. Such as, she isn't a high heel girl where I am, she prefers baggy boys jeans (she has 3 pairs of mine that I can't wear anymore) and I like skirts and dresses.  But now she has seen me in a skirt and a wig. Makeup will be another time.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

Wow, great! You are on a roll! Makeover soon?
Randy

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[LizK]

Wow, great! You are on a roll! Makeover soon?
Randy

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Randy...

[JeanetteLW]

aaaarrrg!