Here I go again :-(

[SailorMars1994]

Off note, there seems to be a lot of hating on good ol' country music. Squares heheh

[Laurie]

Getting a recording is a Good Thing.  Electrolysis operators are largely single-person businesses.  If they are working on someone, charging for every 15 minutes, it is considered bad form to stop treatment to chat on the phone.  Getting a recording means:

1) The electrolysis operator has customers, and is busy.  You don't want an operator with no customers...
2) The operator shows their customers some courtesy.

Now, if they don't return your call within a day or so, that might not be a good sign...

  Thanks for the pep talk Michelle. But now I'll jump every time my phone rings. Just think I'm about to join the rest of you ladies in the self inflicted torture of hair removal.  Cue up Beethoven's Ode to Joy

OUCH
   Laurie

[Laurie]

Off note, there seems to be a lot of hating on good ol' country music. Squares heheh

  So it isn't just me that noticed...

[Shy]

  Thanks for the pep talk Michelle. But now I'll jump every time my phone rings. Just think I'm about to join the rest of you ladies in the self inflicted torture of hair removal.  Cue up Beethoven's Ode to Joy

OUCH
   Laurie

And there's me thinking that county and western was self inflicted torture
Follicle zapping sounds like way more fun. Good for you Laurie, the things us ladies have to put up with to look our best eh?

Off note, there seems to be a lot of hating on good ol' country music. Squares heheh

Ha, Ashley. Hearing "Off note" and "country music" in the same sentence has a certain irony to it.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Cindy]

Hi folks,

   Not much of anything going on with me these last few days. I have several appointment coming up this month starting with my gender therapy appointment on Tuesday 5/9. I don't have any pressing things to bring up in it this time either. It seems there was something I wanted to talk to him about but I can't remember what it was. I guess it wasn't important.
  On the 15th its going to me a long day up at the VA hospital. I have some labs for my oncologist, an IV to be put in and then my 3 month CT scan. Yes, it's that time again. time for the glow in the dark test and the wait for my oncologist appointment after the results are tabulated. Will it be good news that there is no sign of the cancer or will it be the deflating bad news once that it has finally returned yet again. What the verdict will be I never know. This is something I go through about 4 times a year. I've been given the bad news twice now (actually 3 times if you count the initial finding of the tumor in my left kidney).  I've been given months to live twice and have not  let it win. I'm still here, still fighting to stay here. Anyone that has been diagnosed with cancer will tell you it's fight this disease of lie down and die. Ask Cindy, she knows.
   Later that day I have a followup appointment in the eye department so they can check their laser repair job on a tear I had in my retina about a year ago. I imagine they will also check the progress of my macular degenation at that time too.  Later this month is my visit with my PCP on the 22nd. It's my regular 6 month check up with him but it is also when my hormone (and other labs) blood draw will be done and his subsequent determination if he will increase my estradiol dosage. I've already lobbied him twice to do so.

   Oh did I mention I called a local electrologist today? No? Well I did. I got a recording and left my name and number so we can discuss costs and possibly make an appointment. LOL I finally work up to making the call and I get a recording.

  That's about it for now.

Hugs to all,
   Laurie

I've got my radiation oncologist follow up on Monday. He was the one who had to tell me that my cancer had returned and that I had 2 options and one was terminal. He is a lovely man who did struggle with meeting a TG woman as a patient on my first consult. He overcame it when I asked him how he would feel if he had walked into my clinic to consult me for his cancer.

I'm pretty sure I do now glow in the dark. Pretty cool really "A glow in the dark Cindy Doll" sounds like the perfect gift.

Good luck on your appointment Hon. I know how it feels.

[Laurie]

And there's me thinking that county and western was self inflicted torture
Follicle zapping sounds like way more fun. Good for you Laurie, the things us ladies have to put up with to look our best eh?

Ha, Ashley. Hearing "Off note" and "country music" in the same sentence has a certain irony to it.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Hush Sadie, just hush.   lol

[Laurie]

I've got my radiation oncologist follow up on Monday. He was the one who had to tell me that my cancer had returned and that I had 2 options and one was terminal. He is a lovely man who did struggle with meeting a TG woman as a patient on my first consult. He overcame it when I asked him how he would feel if he had walked into my clinic to consult me for his cancer.

I'm pretty sure I do now glow in the dark. Pretty cool really "A glow in the dark Cindy Doll" sounds like the perfect gift.

Good luck on your appointment Hon. I know how it feels.

  Cindy,

  I hope your follow up on Monday goes well.

Thank you Cindy and yes I know you understand how I feel every 3-4 months. The apprehension is difficult but the relief upon hearing good news is wonderful.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[LizK]

  Thanks for the pep talk Michelle. But now I'll jump every time my phone rings. Just think I'm about to join the rest of you ladies in the self inflicted torture of hair removal.  Cue up Beethoven's Ode to Joy

OUCH
   Laurie

You may find that it doesn't bother you that much or a simple anti-inflammatory will do the trick. The reactions to Electrolysis are so varied... I don't think anyone would say it is pleasant and many cope really well without intervention. I have hypersensitivity (or call me a wuss I don't care)on my face so it is extremely painful...the trade off is I have a very low number of follicles...my regrowth/new growth is negligible...even my Electrologist was surprised at just how stubborn these hairs were imbedded in my face and how little regrowth there had been...

When you see the Electrologist she will no doubt give you a test run to see how you feel about it. With any luck you will go...no problem although being on HRT does raise the likelihood of it hurting a bit more than say pre - HRT

There are plenty here who can give you good advice on how to maximise your sessions...you may even want to look into going and having a full clearance in one hit with injections to numb you (studio 3000?). If there was somewhere here in Australia that would do it I would have done it by now. It just seems to me to be the least Dysphoric inducing way of doing it...Growing your facial hair out for treatment becomes a real hassle whether you are full time or not...mainly because it grows so slowly you need to allow more and more time for the hair to gain enough length for the Electrologist to be able to work with.

I detest the look and feel of "hairy makeup"( I can never disguise it properly) and it tends to turn me into a hermit...think about timings...have appointments on the Monday or Tuesday to give you the weekend to grow it...Tuesdays  did work well for me. I could shave on a Friday morning and then not again to Tuesday after treatment...It didn't really bother me until the Monday morning and then there was only 24 hrs to go. When you book appointments/places that you can safely go "en femme" don't do it the day before Electrology ....I can hear you jumping for joy already? or was that you hitting the floor in a dead faint....

[Laurie]

There are plenty here who can give you good advice on how to maximise your sessions...you may even want to look into going and having a full clearance in one hit with injections to numb you (studio 3000?). If there was somewhere here in Australia that would do it I would have done it by now. It just seems to me to be the least Dysphoric inducing way of doing it...Growing your facial hair out for treatment becomes a real hassle whether you are full time or not...mainly because it grows so slowly you need to allow more and more time for the hair to gain enough length for the Electrologist to be able to work with.

I detest the look and feel of "hairy makeup"( I can never disguise it properly) and it tends to turn me into a hermit...think about timings...have appointments on the Monday or Tuesday to give you the weekend to grow it...Tuesdays  did work well for me. I could shave on a Friday morning and then not again to Tuesday after treatment...It didn't really bother me until the Monday morning and then there was only 24 hrs to go. When you book appointments/places that you can safely go "en femme" don't do it the day before Electrology ....I can hear you jumping for joy already? or was that you hitting the floor in a dead faint....

  Hey Liz,

   I thank you for the tips. They may be a bit premature at this point, seeing that I haven't made an appointment and still can chicken out.  That idea of a full clear at one appointment is out I'm sure. I'm not that much of a masochist. It's a good thing I don't suffer from bad dysphoria. If I didn't know better, (I did see it in writing after all) I would say I don't have it at all. Because it is not a problem and the fact that I am not out in the public eye en femme, I do not see a problem getting hairy for any possible facial hair plucking appointments. So scheduling should not be a problem provided I can bring myself to schedule that initial visit.

  Hugs,
    Laurie
   

[KathyLauren]

The sooner you start it, Laurie, the sooner it will be done.  Bear in mind that it can take two years to clear the face.

Like Liz, I have to plan my week around the days I can't shave.  Going out en femme (which is the only way I go out these days) with a 3-day growth really sucks.  Fortunately, my beard is mostly white, so not terribly visible, and I do enough laser now and then to keep the dark hairs from showing up.

[Laurie]

The sooner you start it, Laurie, the sooner it will be done.  Bear in mind that it can take two years to clear the face.

Like Liz, I have to plan my week around the days I can't shave.  Going out en femme (which is the only way I go out these days) with a 3-day growth really sucks.  Fortunately, my beard is mostly white, so not terribly visible, and I do enough laser now and then to keep the dark hairs from showing up.

  Thanks Kathy,

   I will keep what you've said in mind. Hmmmm so can't go full time for two years? That might be doable....

  I'm not sure I have any dark hairs. Grey and white yes, dark I'm not sure perhaps I should try growing a beard and mustache again to see.

  Hugs,
   Laura

[LizK]

  Thanks Kathy,

   I will keep what you've said in mind. Hmmmm so can't go full time for two years? That might be doable....

  I'm not sure I have any dark hairs. Grey and white yes, dark I'm not sure perhaps I should try growing a beard and mustache again to see.

  Hugs,
   Laura

Hey Laura (as in bora)

You don't  have to go fulltime if that is not what you want 

You don't have to have any Electrolysis if that is not what you want 

You don't have to go one step further than you already have if that is not what you want 

This is your journey and done at your pace...we are here only to guide, challenge but first and foremost to support your journey.

[Michelle_P]

Electrolysis not being done isi not a real blocker to going full time.   I went full time within about 30 hours of electrolysis being done.  (I'm over 100 hours in now)

I do my electrolysis every Monday.  My last shave is Friday morning.  Saturday, there's not enough for anyone to notice with a good concealer and foundation.  Sunday, they have to get awfully up close and personal, or bright sun has to catch your cheek to make anything visible.  My hairstyles cover my cheeks.

Monday, the only place I'm going in the morning is to the electrolysis session.  Afterwards I can use a foil shaver and some good aftercare to make the beard vanish.

I gradually ramped up to 2 hour sessions after going full time, and in January went to two 2 hour sessions each Monday.  It is mostly a test of my mindful meditation practices, which get me through the discomfort nicely.

At 100 hours in I no longer shave my upper and lower lip and the area down to the chin.  We remove the slow growing immature hairs each Monday.  The neck has almost nothing, and the sideburns under my hairstyle are getting thin.  There is not enough to worry about or slow me down on the weekend any more.

[Laurie]

Hey Laura (as in bora)

You don't  have to go fulltime if that is not what you want 

You don't have to have any Electrolysis if that is not what you want 

You don't have to go one step further than you already have if that is not what you want 

This is your journey and done at your pace...we are here only to guide, challenge but first and foremost to support your journey.

Dear Liz (as in  ShowBiz)

    I guess this is one of those times people can't tell I'm joking. 

Or is this just a ploy to get me saying I am going to do something in writing to use as black mail down the road when I drag my feet like I am wont to do. I wouldn't put it past you Aussie types. Sneaky you upside down folk can be. Ooops make that you down under folk. (same thing)
  Rest assured I know no one here is twisting my arm to do thing. Friendly nudges, prodding, cajoling and other forms of light coercion yes but no arm twisting. All I have done so far and whatever I may do in the future is of my own volition. So none of you need ever feel or think you are making me do anything. It ruins the fun.
 
  As far as what I'm going to do. I will make it official for you here.
     I am making an appointment with someone to perform facial torture.
     I foresee myself going full time sometime down the road and if it take me anywhere near two years something went terribly wrong. But first I have to work on stepping out my door en femme during daylight hours and go somewhere in public. It will happen, I promise. I am working on it. Really I am. I stood in my open doorway several minutes, several times for anyone to see, in skinny jeans and top yesterday and a cute dress today. Not many went by and I don't know if any did see me there but I did it. See? I am working on it.

    Alright serious nonsense time over.

btw Liz, it looks like you didn't get the memo so I'll post it here again.

Memo:
  Let it be known high and low, from the hills to the sea (and on island-like continents) Jeanette has change her name to Laurie, Yes Laurie, as in Dory or even lorrie for foreigners (not Laura which was being considered and rejected in favor of a less formal and fun name)
Thank you for your assistance in this matter.
  sincerely  Laurie

  There it's done and all is well with the world.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Laurie]

Electrolysis not being done isi not a real blocker to going full time.   I went full time within about 30 hours of electrolysis being done.  (I'm over 100 hours in now)

Oh come on ladies I was kidding! 

  I am going to do have facial torture performed. I have seriously decided to do it or I would not have made a call to the electrologist and left my info for her to call me back.
  I am going to go full time. I just do not know when but I doubt it will take until the end of the year much less than two years.

There it is in writing. It's official. This will happen....sometime.

Michelle,

   I read everything you post in your updates and appreciate the stuff you, Liz and others post regarding electrology.
For that matter I appreciate everything I read from the people here who share about their personal experiences with transition. Be it making the decision that they are going to transition or what recovery from GCR surgery and all in between.  I thank each of you that do in order to let those of us who follow get an understanding of what to expect.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Laurie]

 Hi folks,

  I guess I'm having a bad day or two. Nothing serious just not quite right. I've been a bit moody, letting little things get to me. Today I would say I've been down right grumpy. I've been at my computer not really interested in what I'm doing on it. I cleared 3 pages of unread topics today because I didn't feel like getting involved and commenting. The several I did comment on was more or less generic comments. There were even a couple where my comment were better left unsaid.
  I haven't even been  enthused about being me today. I have been en femme all day (sans makeup) and  painted my nail a nice shade of frosty darker red and the only thoughts I had for it was "Your just going to have to remove it tomorrow". I've stood in my doorway several time looking out, not really worried whether I was seen or not.
  Several time today I've had those thoughts going through my head. You know the ones. Second guessing myself again. And my answers are not coming back the way I want them to. I can't seem to convince myself that these feelings are not heralding another end to one of my old crossdressing binges.  Is it time to put my props away and return to being a man again?
    If it is then I have really messed up this time. I've taken it way too far. Done things I cannot undo. I hate having these thoughts. They're wrong, I know they're wrong, but there they are. Squirrels running amok in my head. Yesterday, no last night, I'm saying I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. Today I'm telling myself I need to go through with it because I said I would. Not trying to convince myself to do it , just convinced I will.
    What happened? Why?  Squirrels, nothing but those pesky squirrels. Tomorrow I'll be fine again. LOL Fine with what, I'm not sure. Squirrels, just squirrels.
  I'm F.I.N.E.  AA fine atm if you know what that is. But not that bad, no not that bad at all. Never mind me. I'm just caught up in my musings tonight, Tomorrow will be better. That's the way these things work. At least my nails are pretty.
  It's just the squirrels....

  Hugs,
    Laurie

[LizK]

It sucks when you are feeling like that

The very nature of the trans beast is one of self doubt which feeds all our insecurities. Being trans can be hard work and once you are out we pile on even more pressure. It is normal to have doubts, it gives you the opportunity to reaffirm your reasons for wanting to transition. Your reasons, no one else's reason and if at the end of the day you were to discover transition wasn't for you then...such is life....I am sure there is nothing that you have done so far, that you can't put right.

Hope you are feeling better about things soon

Hugs
Liz

[Shy]

Sorry to hear you're struggling Laurie.

From reading your last post it sounds very much like coming out panic. It's very common amongst the LGBTQ community when you publicly commit to something or reveal something about yourself you've tried and failed to suppress for so many years.
I know you have to work through things yourself, we're all different, but it's something that happened to me so thought I'd share.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[KathyLauren]

Hang in there, Laurie.  It's just the old doubt monster turning over in his sleep.  We all get those "WTF am I doing?" moments.

You know what they say about squirrels: you are what you eat.  Those squirrels are nuts.

Those doubts are just you mind's way of clinging to what is familiar.  Change is scary.  But so is not transitioning, or we wouldn't be in the position we are in.

[Asche]

The sooner you start it, Laurie, the sooner it will be done.  Bear in mind that it can take two years to clear the face.

Like Liz, I have to plan my week around the days I can't shave.  Going out en femme (which is the only way I go out these days) with a 3-day growth really sucks.  Fortunately, my beard is mostly white, so not terribly visible, and I do enough laser now and then to keep the dark hairs from showing up.

I'm two years in at an hour a week (my face needs a week to recover), and I'm guessing I have 2-4 years to go.  YMMV, of course.

I'm full-time and have to let the beard grow for 3 days to be long enough for her to have something to grab, so I hear ya about running around with several days worth of beard.  My beard is almost entirely white, so it's not that visible, either, but I can't use laser at all.

My electrologist now specifies the part of the face she's going to work on next week and I only have to let that part grow.