Here I go again :-(

[MaryT]

That's good news for everyone on Susan's Place.

[Devlyn]

I completely agree with Mary. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Sarah_P]

Great news & a great day!

[Marcieelizabeth]

   Just got the call I've been waiting for.  For all my posts where I've parroted the advice of those of you that know better than I,  and how seeing seeing a gender therapist is a highly recommended step in obtaining help for our specific needs in our journeys...  Why is it I am getting such butterflies in my tummy now that it is my turn? I was already becoming worried over my daughter returning from out of state and my plans to go visit for that "talk" with her and her husband. But that just got preempted.

  Monday morning it happens. That's only a weekend away. I can't even describe what I am now feeling right now. I can give you a hint though. It isn't joy.

Jeanette

It is hard for me to think I have taken this step but you have not. You seem so self-assured of who you are, this is really easy.  I hated to take this step because I had not had faith in therapists in general , but it is as easy as talking to someone whose sole purpose is to help you!  Tell them anything, be yourself, and be open about all those things you know about yourself others do not. You can hear yourself say them aloud to another person and in the case of telling others you can even practice saying it to someone else without fear of it going anywhere!  It is not all roses and wine, but it is a lot better than I thought it would be.  GO for it!

Hugs and love, Marcie

[Laurie]

It is hard for me to think I have taken this step but you have not. You seem so self-assured of who you are, this is really easy.  I hated to take this step because I had not had faith in therapists in general , but it is as easy as talking to someone whose sole purpose is to help you!  Tell them anything, be yourself, and be open about all those things you know about yourself others do not. You can hear yourself say them aloud to another person and in the case of telling others you can even practice saying it to someone else without fear of it going anywhere!  It is not all roses and wine, but it is a lot better than I thought it would be.  GO for it!

Hugs and love, Marcie

  Hi Marcie,

   I'm sorry, I kind of muddled that intent of that post. I'll explain. The post as you can see is about getting therapy. I had been in a holding pattern waiting for the call to get the first session scheduled. That was the call I mentioned in the post and I went that Monday to see my therapist and have been seeing him ever since. As you recommend, I am completely open and honest with him and he is fully aware of my depression in all it's glory.
   It was during this wait to see a therapist that I had been contemplating coming out to my daughter who was out of state for a couple months. Making that mention of it is what make the post unclear. It was that coming out that began my descent into the morass of depression I am in now. With her reaction to the news I not only lost her but my 5 grandchildren. They were the last of everything I held dear in this life to be lost. My hopes and dreams I had from my youth vanished, all gone. I'm empty inside and can't see a good reason to continue on. Yet I'm still here, at least for now.

[davina61]

Ever the optimist me , hang on in there sunshine you never know what will happen in the future ( crystal balls broken) sounds like you had a good day and good results . Positivness

[Rayna]

Hi Laurie,

Long time away, again. I get in and read some of the latest every few days but rarely get time to reply. I think I'm also trying to keep some distance from trans activity to avoid getting sucked whole hog into this world that strangely appeals to me.

I've established that I'm a crossdresser and that's enough for now, perhaps forever. Jacquie and I are seeing a couples therapist to work through how all this plays in our relationship.

And that's what really provoked this reply. We've done counseling therapy several times over the years. I always dread it, but get a lot out of it and never regret it. I think most of my dread is because we inevitably get into painful things. It's my standing joke that I always grab the tissue box when I sit down and keep it close. The latest counselor specializes in emotion-based work, and it seems to be very effective...if sometimes painful.

So I have hope that the medication and therapy will prove helpful over time. These deep pain points don't yield quickly, but they will if you want them to.

Love
Randy

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[Laurie]

Thank you for the comments Randy. I'm seeing my therapist about every 2 weeks and I'm waiting for the new magic pills to start working. For now it is what it is.

[Michelle_P]

Thank you for the comments Randy. I'm seeing my therapist about every 2 weeks and I'm waiting for the new magic pills to start working. For now it is what it is.

Patience.

We need so damn much patience in our lives. 

"Take these pills.  They'll take a month or two to kick in"

"Wear these patches.  They'll take a few years to show results"

"We've approved your surgery.  You are on the waitlist to be scheduled eventually once we train some doctors."

It can be wearing.  That's why we have each other, support groups, and places like this.

Hang in there, Laurie.


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[p]

I am so glad that you were cancer free! Good news and getting gendered correctly all day--lots to be happy about. Your doctor is such a catch! I also still hear you about the pain you are feeling. I am sorry that you are still suffering, my friend. All my love 

[Laurie]

 Thank you everyone that were happy for me. Though I can see that all these things are good, I can't feel the joy in them myself. I always enjoy visiting with my oncologist but this visit was almost as somber as when she told me I was going to die in a matter of months three years ago.

[Laurie]

  For no reason that I can discern and in spite of the mild nag of a migraine, today was a better day.

[p]

I am so glad that you had a better day, Laurie! 

[Laurie]

  Thank you Patti. I had actually put  Good but it sounded too optimistic so I scaled it back to better. I was even laugh at myself with Erin and Rachael ( my Speech pathologist and her student) during the session today. They can get me feeling pretty silly about the noises they have me make.  I couldn't leave well enough alone though and put a damper on things for a bit by telling Erin she reminds me of my daughter every time I see her.

[Michelle_P]

I'm glad you had a better day.  I did as well.  It's nice to be able to laugh a bit, and talk face to face with friendly people.

Life really is worth living, even if we have some rough days in there.

With Love and Respect,
Michelle


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[Megan.]

  For no reason that I can discern and in spite of the mild nag of a migraine, today was a better day.

Yay [emoji4], copy/paste that sucker! X

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[Sarah_P]

  For no reason that I can discern and in spite of the mild nag of a migraine, today was a better day.

Yay! Better days are better than... not.... better days. 

Just to be clear I wasn't yay-ing your migraine. In fact, I'll keep my yay-ing to a lower volume so it doesn't worsen your migraine. You know, in case you can hear that half-way across the country.

[p]

  Thank you Patti. I had actually put  Good but it sounded too optimistic so I scaled it back to better. I was even laugh at myself with Erin and Rachael ( my Speech pathologist and her student) during the session today. They can get me feeling pretty silly about the noises they have me make.  I couldn't leave well enough alone though and put a damper on things for a bit by telling Erin she reminds me of my daughter every time I see her.

LOL I wondered what was going on--you posted Good day, then I said Good in my response, then I come to make sure my post went through, and then your post says Better, so I changed mine. I thought I was losing it! Send you lots of love. 

[Michelle_P]

Goooooo Laurie! 

Just had to say that. [emoji6]

You are going to do so well, and are already a pillar of strength for our little community. I know you don't quite see that right now, because of that nasty dark blanket covering you, but you are, and you'll see it soon.

Hugs, Michelle


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[Laurie]

   I thank those of you that were happy for me last night. It really was a better day. It was a better day than today too but that's not to mean today wasn't okay. I had a couple of periods when I found myself thinking of things that tend to bring me down but they were short periods. My mood wasn't too bad either. Okay, on the plus side, I haven't thought of umm lets just say vanishing since Monday. Another plus is that my sleep has become less broken at night. I slept for about 6 hour w/o waking last night and went back to sleep a couple time between then and getting up. I also remember dreaming and for once it was not a nightmare or other unpleasant dream. What I remember of it really make no sense but one thing in it that I do remember clearly was that I was female in it. As far as I know I have never dreamed of myself as female. In female clothes yes and usually being pursued by people intent on doing me harm. No this time I was female. There were a bunch of guys playing a game with a ball and it came to me. I tried to throw it back but I threw like a girl and it went in a different direction than I intended. Later I was in a building moving through a room full of guys and I knew I didn't fit in with them so I continued through to a room where other women were. I hold no stock in dreams but I did like this one.