Here I go again :-(

[Megan.]

Laurie you have soooo much going for you.  You really do.  As for wanting to be here and enjoy life: if a twin of yours was going through exactly the same thing, what would your advice be to her?  You know the answer... you would tell her to see the positive, look forward to better days, accept the fact many people really do care deeply about her and minimize those who don't care. 

And ya ain't gonna change my mind.  You are a beautiful person and need to get back to that great smile I saw on your face this summer.

^^^ this.

Well said Kendra!

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[Michelle_P]

Laurie, I understand some of what you are going through.  (I'm still dealing with a hellish but slowly fading post-op depression, likely anesthesia related.)

I don't think any of us older transitioners WANTED to be here.  I would have loved to live out my life with my old family, happily enjoying retirement with my wife and children, traveling the world and enjoying life.  Except that the 'happily' and 'enjoying' weren't there.  Instead I got dysphoria.  Massive dysphoria, built up over decades of self-shaming, rendering me unable to function as 'happy old Dad'.

Kendra is absolutely right.  We're both better off now in our transitions, living as our authentic selves. 

It beats sucking on a tailpipe and hosting a party for the worms, my poor plan for dealing with the dysphoria, anxiety, and depression a couple years ago.  I'm alive and know that outside of the depression, I can enjoy life.  I've beaten it before, and I know that eventually it will be gone and I'll be enjoying life again.



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[HappyMoni]

Laurie,
   After my last surgery, I find myself emersed in depression. I'll be damned if I will let it win. Unacceptable!
Moni

[Laurie]

Laurie,
   After my last surgery, I find myself emersed in depression. I'll be damned if I will let it win. Unacceptable!
Moni

  Moni,

    I am saddened to learn you are having a difficult time and that it is because of depression. It sucks, it sucks a lot and I hate to see that you too are suffering. When you say, "I'll be damned if I will let it win.", I believe you. You will beat like you say. Ann won't let you quit and you have the drive to fight it. You'll win.

  Love ya,
    Laurie

[Laurie]

  Something nice

   Yesterday evening my sister came into my room and gave me a sapphire and diamond ring and earring set. They were my Mom's. My sister and I got together to buy them for Mom many years ago. Sapphire is her birth stone and I think she told us she never had a set in her birth stone before. Sapphire is also my birth stone and now they're mine.

[Michelle_P]

  Something nice

   Yesterday evening my sister came into my room and gave me a sapphire and diamond ring and earring set. They were my Mom's. My sister and I got together to buy them for Mom many years ago. Sapphire is her birth stone and I think she told us she never had a set in her birth stone before. Sapphire is also my birth stone and now they're mine.

Wow!  That is incredibly special, to have something of Mom's to wear as a reminder and connection. 

I have that old set of Franciscan Desert Rose dishes from my mom. I do love them, and every once in a while find myself whispering "Thank you, Mom."

[Cindy]

Oh Laurie, that is so beautiful and so special.

Mmm time for me to have a cry

[Laurie]

Oh Laurie, that is so beautiful and so special.

Mmm time for me to have a cry

It is special to me. It would have been more so if she were alive to give it to me herself.

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[Megan.]

  Something nice

   Yesterday evening my sister came into my room and gave me a sapphire and diamond ring and earring set. They were my Mom's. My sister and I got together to buy them for Mom many years ago. Sapphire is her birth stone and I think she told us she never had a set in her birth stone before. Sapphire is also my birth stone and now they're mine.

What a beautiful gift to have. I'm sure you'll treasure them. X

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[steph2.0]

Sapphire is also my birth stone and now they're mine.

Beautiful jewelry for a beautiful lady. Now you need to find a nice place to wear them out to.

Happy!

Steph

[Sarah_P]

That's so wonderful Laurie!!

[MaryT]

Beautiful jewellery.  I'm sure that your mother would be happy that you have them.

[davina61]

aaaaaaaaaaaah made my peeps go moist.

[Laurie]

aaaaaaaaaaaah made my peeps go moist.

  It kind of promoted ocular leakage in me also. I need to get the ring resized as it only fits one of my little fingers.

[steph2.0]

  It kind of promoted ocular leakage in me also. I need to get the ring resized as it only fits one of my little fingers.

This brought back the memories of when my sister gave me my Mom's first wedding ring. She was going to give it to her daughter but thought her new sister should have it instead.

So yeah, ocular leakage for sure.

Happy for you, Laurie!

Steph(anie)

[Laurie]

 I received another nice gift today all the way from the UK.

  Thank You very much Davina and thank you also Kendra for getting it to me.

Hugs for both of you ladies.

Laurie

[davina61]

If you just make one thing from it that will do, picked that one as its a bit more "how to do"  enjoy.

[Laurie]

  Davina,
    I have already begun reading it and not just looking at the pictures. Rest assured I will be trying some of the recipes out. I hope to gain a better understanding of what a curry really is now that I know it isn't just a powder in a bottle the turns everything in a stew green. (I still like that though too) Thank you again.
--------------------------------------------------------

  On another note. It was 6:50pm tonight when I realized I have not taken the first of my 3 daily doses of estradiol. I've noticed I haven't been taking it until the afternoon more and more. Its not like I haven't thought of taking it, because I usually do think of it everyday. I prefer to take it after breakfast and brushing my teeth which I do but then I forget to take my estradiol. This is the latest I've remembered I needed to take it. I did think of doing it at least twice earlier. I guess it just isn't all that important any more.
 

[Roll]

Wow, that is truly special that you have that jewelry. My mom was never one for jewelry and I don't know what happened to the pieces she did have after she passed, now I'm wondering.

Also, the cover of that cookbook is making me hungry and I've already eaten too much today. Now I need to make some curry.

[Jayne01]

  On another note. It was 6:50pm tonight when I realized I have not taken the first of my 3 daily doses of estradiol. I've noticed I haven't been taking it until the afternoon more and more. Its not like I haven't thought of taking it, because I usually do think of it everyday. I prefer to take it after breakfast and brushing my teeth which I do but then I forget to take my estradiol. This is the latest I've remembered I needed to take it. I did think of doing it at least twice earlier. I guess it just isn't all that important any more.

I have an app on my phone to remind me. That just reminded me to tell the app I have taken my lunchtime dose a little early. Does that mean I need a reminder for the reminder  because I forgot to remember? [emoji15]