'stuff' is getting real!

[Megan.]

I've not posted in a while,  I've been in a bit of a holding pattern for a few months while the right time to start my RLE slowly came closer.
When people have asked me before if I'm excited or scared,  I've always felt a bit 'meh',  it was always a distant thing,  and I've never let myself really get emotionally invested in the thought.  But last night it hit me that basically in six weeks I'll be packing away my man clothes, almost certainly,  forever.
I'm really overcome now with lots of different emotions,  fear of the future,  sadness about loosing the old me and excitement about something wished for for so long might actually come true.
I've come so far in the last couple of years (I'll spare you a repetition of old posts),  both physically and mentally. For me it's been a slow gradual process,  to discover myself and how far I needed to go.
When I first came to Susan's,  I couldn't believe I'd ever have the confidence and conviction this was the right path; and now it feels like the right thing, even with all the doubts my mind.
As some others have done,  I'll try to post updates on this thread on my thoughts and experiences up to and through my start of RLE.
Hugs. X

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[JeanetteLW]

Hi Megan,

   You know? I read that about  'stuff'  is getting real! for you and it makes me think just how not real this stuff is for me. I'd bet at times since your starting, you've felt this way too. Yes, yes, we take our meds. have our good times reveling in the new sensations as our bodies change and discover new emotions as those meds change our minds. We play dress up and come out to family and friends. (Well, you and others have) But in a sense it remains in the realm of the unreal, as if we are role playing in a game.

  But then there comes a time for putting away our avatars we've been playing with for so long and take up that fantasy mantle for our everyday lives. That's what your will be doing soon. Closing the chapter, and the book on your old self. Then opening up a new book by fully embracing your new self, making it "real".  In many ways it will be a rebirth for you as I have seen it put on other's profiles.

  It will be a time of metamorphosis from catapiller to butterfly. A time to spread your wings and fly.

It'll be great!

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[Megan.]

Jeanette,  I don't know, but I imagine it will take some time before it starts to feel real. Being a UK girl at the whim of the NHS,  I'll be starting RLE before HRT,  so that particular journey of discovery has yet to begin.

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[JeanetteLW]

Jeanette,  I don't know, but I imagine it will take some time before it starts to feel real. Being a UK girl at the whim of the NHS,  I'll be starting RLE before HRT,  so that particular journey of discovery has yet to begin.

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Megan,
   I'm sorry. I guess I did misunderstand a little. It sounded like you had already done more than you said. My mistake.

  You have to do a year RLE "Before" getting to start HRT?  I don't think I would ever make it through that if I had to do the same. My condolences. really.  I don't think I would be here in Susan's at all had I not started HRT. That was what forced me to realize that there was more to my crossdressing than I was willing to admit.  I was happily ignorant of all this here. Ignorant or just plain in denial of it.

  Well heck, Megan, Just look at all you have yet to experience.

Weave your cocoon caterpillar, weave away, for there is a butterfly in you waiting to be born and take flight!!!

Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Megan.]

Jeanette,  physically speaking,  huge weight loss,  hair transplants and a major abdominoplasty mean I don't look like the person I did 2 years ago,  even as my assigned gender.  I'm expecting to start HRT a month or two after my RLE starts,  so not too bad!
I did a 2 month low-dose E trial last summer which was one thing that helped clarify my decision on going full-time.
I do hope butterfly is right,  and that I won't be a moth to a flame.

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[HappyMoni]

Megan,
   Having gone full time within the past year, it is still fresh in my mind. For me, the more I concentrated on living life as I always have and minimized looking at every little thing under a microscope, the easier it was. For example, I got so busy at work, I had no time for trans think. I mostly remember the random times throughout my day where I would say, "Oh my gosh, I love this. I can't believe how much I love being female me, interacting with the world." Now, voice issues have dogged me and made things hard at times, but I can't imagine living any other way. You won't miss man clothes.
Moni

[Megan.]

Moni,  keeping busy at work won't be a problem! Voice is my biggest worry,  but hopefully time and practice will win through.

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[JeanetteLW]

Hi again Megan,

   Sorry I didn't continue our conversation yesterday. You've been at this 2 years already? Geeez color me in pretty pastel newbie colors. Wow, weight loss, hair transplants and a tummy tuck? I guess you haven't been just hanging around in Susan's lounge like I have. You've been busy working for what you want. (applause). Heaven knows I could use all three of those and then some.
   Again I feel sorry for you UK ladies that have to wait until after starting the RLE before you can do the HRT. If I had had to wait as you do, I am sure I would not be hanging out here with all of you,  being silly in greeting the new folk. Getting kind words of support from all of you or sharing your ups and downs as you share mine.


Hugs,
   Jeanette
   

[LizK]

Not long now...My target was April...in the end it was my GD that determined the final date...I started on a Wednesday...hardly planned although Wednesday is as good a day as any...time will fly

Liz

[Megan.]

Jeanette,  it's not all bad in the UK,  HRT and SRS do get paid for, so we have it better than others.
We all have different needs here at Susan's,  and we all go at a pace that fits us and our lives. Having wonderful friends like you here makes it the great community that it is.

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[davina61]

Planning on starting my RLE November after this seasons drag racing is over, being in the UK as well am pushing GP for a bridging prescription, waiting for blood test of liver function to come back. As you say voice is the worry as I would be the BASS in a barber shop group,b,bum b,bum b,bum .Tried but my voice just cracks. Well I say good luck to you, one step closer.

[AnneK]

after this seasons drag racing is over

For a second there, I pictured a bunch of cross dressers having a race!   

[davina61]

Fancy dress party at end of season Halloween gets a bit weird, can get away with Davina then and that will be me coming OUT. 

[Megan.]

Best of luck Davina.
Not slept well the last couple of nights,  alot of WTF am I doing thoughts. I'm someone who always likes to keep their options open,  but this will be for keeps. My head feels like a hamster going round on a wheel.

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[JeanetteLW]

Not slept well the last couple of nights,  alot of WTF am I doing thoughts. I'm someone who always likes to keep their options open,  but this will be for keeps. My head feels like a hamster going round on a wheel.

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  Are you mimicking me? Every one of those words apply to me. Every One!

  I'm right there with you, Megan

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[Megan.]

I think these are all very common and understandable feelings. Doesn't make it any fun though!

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[JeanetteLW]

I think these are all very common and understandable feelings. Doesn't make it any fun though!

Yes, They are very common and understandable, and you are right about it not being any fun. You are about to start your RLE and soon after will be starting HRT, both necessary steps towards what you want. Sure it is scary but nothing you cannot overcome. 
  It's even less fun when your chest has been sore for a while and you can almost fill the cups of your bra. That "keeping you options open" has just passed into the realm of irrevocable and that is when "Stuff gets real", Now it gets scary.

  But on the other hand when you can almost fill the cups of your bra that is also when things are wonderful! Your dream is beginning to come true. You have Boobs!! and life is good! You see and feel change is happening!
   Stuff is becoming real!!

   Dwell on the bright side and not the dark.

   Hugs,
     Jeanette

[Veda]

Just today I decided to clean out my bathroom vanity, I was running out of room.

The attachment is my 'boy-stuff', things that are going away.

I was thinking about throwing them out, as I did my tightie-whities, but instead I'm making a sort of time capsule.

I'm putting this box out in the garage for rediscovery in some later year.

Kind of makes me sad and happy at the same time.

 

[AnneK]

I was thinking about throwing them out, as I did my tightie-whities

I threw out my male underwear years ago.  It's been about 25 years since I last wore them.

[Megan.]

I've been slowly running down my bathroom cabinet items and replacing with female versions. I suspect in most cases it's all made in the same factory and just put in pink/blue packaging!

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