Starting Therapy.... Super Nervous...

[CrziCricket]

Hey all,

I went for a walk-in to start my intake/new patient process to get a therapist (preferably a gender therapist) and during my appointment the person the psychologist thought would be best for me had a last minute cancellation for tomorrow at 8am... I took it since the next opening wasn't until mid-April... but now I am SUPER nervous....

(The way psychiatry is worked through my insurance is to have a basic meeting to gauge your current mental health and needs, decide on a general treatment plan, maybe doing coping/skills classes for general issues, admission into a facility if danger is perceived, or deciding what kind of doctor and intervention you might need)

I wasn't prepared for this to happen so fast... I am getting crazy nervous as the night goes on.... I know that nothing bad can really happen during a first appointment but I am so scared I will say something wrong or she won't believe or understand what I am saying (even though the intake guy said she is the best at their facility)..... I hate that every day I discover something new that has always bugged me but I pushed away... it makes me feel like I'm making things up and looking for something to be wrong when there isn't and scared that maybe she will say that that is the case...

I am sure I am getting rambly and not making much sense... sigh I wish I could find a way to calm my nerves

[Dena]

Don't worry because for you there are no wrong answers. How you will respond will be different from anybody else they have seen because it's your story and what you feel. The fact that you are on this site and that you are seeking treatment will be sufficient to confirm that you are transgender and that you require treatment. Look at it this way, the worst that can happen is tomorrow you may have to make the decision about starting HRT. I think your appointment will be just fine and tomorrow night you will be wondering why you were so nervous.

[JeanetteLW]

Hey Cricket,
   Dena is right (as usual).
   I just went through that about two weeks ago. The VA does the same thing. Ask to see a gender therapist and you first have to see a psychiatrist for a mental health assessment.  I too had a case of the nerves before it. I have never had a high opinion of therapy, psychiatrist, etc. I had a lousy experience with one once. So I was not looking forward to the visit. (btw I have changed my mind about them after reading how much help they can and do provide from the good folks here.)
   I posted here to help gather the courage and I went to the appointment. The psychiatrist has a long list of things to cover ( after all it is an assessment) and there was little time to "discuss" much. Once the list is done she was able to talk a bit about some of the areas she had noted may need clarifying. Nothing was scary and I was as honest as I could be. In the end she decided I was not a risk to myself or others, offered me some help with some problems I have sleeping which I declined, and said she would refer me to a gender therapist as she diagnosed me with gender dysphoria ( I saw it in writing) and needed more help than she could provide herself.
   All in all I'd say it was all pretty clinical and professional. There wasn't time to go into details. They are just looking for key points that may need to be addressed further at another time.
   There is nothing to fear. Just be yourself and answer as honestly as you can about whatever they ask. They only want to help you.

   Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Daniellekai]

I'm in the same boat, my appointment is Monday, although I don't really know how it's going to work exactly, she is a gender therapist, and transgender services navigator for the place that I picked, it's a very new coalition of Doctors, surgeons, and therapists who cater to transgender patients. If it takes off maybe CT will be another Thailand, one can only hope...

Still even though I don't own any female clothes, have a beard, and need to lose a bunch of weight, the fact is I'd like to start changing my body, I'll deal with telling people as they need to know, given that my goal is not just to pass as female in the next 3 years, but to also lose the ability to pass as male I feel like they won't find it hard to believe I'm sincere at the very least.

Almost forgot, just be you, even if it's the first time in your life.

[JeanetteLW]

I'm in the same boat, my appointment is Monday, although I don't really know how it's going to work exactly, she is a gender therapist, and transgender services navigator for the place that I picked, it's a very new coalition of Doctors, surgeons, and therapists who cater to transgender patients. If it takes off maybe CT will be another Thailand, one can only hope...

Still even though I don't own any female clothes, have a beard, and need to lose a bunch of weight, the fact is I'd like to start changing my body, I'll deal with telling people as they need to know, given that my goal is not just to pass as female in the next 3 years, but to also lose the ability to pass as male I feel like they won't find it hard to believe I'm sincere at the very least.

Well Danielle, The stuff Dena and I would apply to you two, just as it applied to me when it was my turn. The uncertainty and fear is in your head. These people are there to help you.  You don't have to prove anything to them but it will be to your own advantage to be honest with them and yourself.

  My 3rd visit (2nd with the gender therapist) is Tuesday. I'm a veteran at it now.

You can do this.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Morrigan]

I just started looking for a therapist myself last night. Found one I am hoping is available.
I'm not really nervous about it myself. I grew up with a bunch of psychos in my family. Oops, I mean psychologists.

Anyway, just think of it this way... You're paying them to do their job. You are essentially their employer. So if they aren't doing a job you're satisfied with, then fire them and find a new one.
Not every therapist is good at their job. Some really do suck at it. Some are just awful people and others have more mental problems than the majority of their patients (and at least their patients are TRYING to get help, unlike a terrible therapist who is unlikely to be seeing another therapist). So you always have top watch out for those.
And while there are some great ones, too, those usually get booked up full and it's hard to get the time with them that you need. That's one thing I'd personally have a problem with. If their next available spot isn't until April I'd be worried I'd tell them all this stuff a about me and never see them again! (But if it's just a one time thing to get on HRT I guess that wouldn't matter).

Anyway, look at me yammering on like I've ever been to one.... The crazy things these people will put into your head when you grow up with them! Oh dear...

[Selina]

I have my first appointment with a therapist tonight and am extremely nervous too.I went to a couple different therapists many years ago, but was a practicing alcoholic/drug addict at the time so that kept me from being completely honest. I'm now 20+ years clean and finally ready to fully come to terms with who I really am. It's scary, but necessary for me. I hope it goes well for you!

[CrziCricket]

Update...

It went great... she was amazing, it was a twist of fate that I got in as fast as I did (even though she said I shouldn't have had to do the intake since I asked for a gender therapist when I called originally and I should have been directed straight to her.

She has a group 2x a month for non-binary to male identifying people that is a process and support group so I am going to be going to that. I am nervous and excited to be around people who are going through the same thing, it's one thing online but my experience with adoption support is that in-person always helps me in a different way. It will be strange being with people who also want leg hair, and less curves.

And we scheduled my next appointment in April to match up with an anxiety class I am taking so I don't need to make an extra trip out there.

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am not "ab-normal" only different and that that is okay. She gave me a lot to think about how I talk to myself. Things I need to start thinking about in terms of talking to my mister and what we will eventually need to decide if I want to have surgery or do HRT but also have kids.

I hadn't spoken aloud the thoughts on my pronoun preference to anyone so I didn't move too fast for them, nor had I shared a name possibility.... We talked about it today... she used it. And every time it took everything I had not to smile. I don't know why I was trying to hide it (I just know that it didn't work).

I am so glad I ignored my nerves and went in, I probably came out with more to think about then when I entered the room but I think it's for the best.

I have never had a high opinion of therapy, psychiatrist, etc. I had a lousy experience with one once. So I was not looking forward to the visit. (btw I have changed my mind about them after reading how much help they can and do provide from the good folks here.)
   I posted here to help gather the courage and I went to the appointment. The psychiatrist has a long list of things to cover ( after all it is an assessment) and there was little time to "discuss" much. Once the list is done she was able to talk a bit about some of the areas she had noted may need clarifying. Nothing was scary and I was as honest as I could be.
...
   There is nothing to fear. Just be yourself and answer as honestly as you can about whatever they ask. They only want to help you.

THANK YOU!!! I read this on the way to my appointment and it really helped me to feel more at ease.
I have been to therapy in the past to help me through a family trauma, but this was so different.

I was scared I wouldn't know what to talk about, how to answer questions or that it would be silent because I had blanked that it wouldn't be worth it.