I can't see me

[JeanetteLW]

Google "red pill blue pill"
It's a trans thing.

  Thanks Jane,

    Got it now.  I would not have gotten the reference in any case as I never got into the matrix. I'm a scifi fan but that one just didn't do it for me so I never watched it.

  Now if you want to talk about pills...

  "One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you, don't do anything at all."

  Courtesy of Jefferson Airplane

   Now those I understand.

Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Rachel_Christina]

Jeanette, you really need to watch the Matrix. The concept is insane. A great film

[KayXo]

Jeanette, you really need to watch the Matrix. The concept is insane. A great film

+1

[Mikka55]

I had/have that feeling too,  also because I suck at make up.   But inside... its who I am that counts.   I am still afraid to do make up by my self.  But why should I use make up.. just to prove I am female.   I just tell people who I am. That's why I want to do ffs just enough to pass.  Then I wouldn't have to worry about make up. I guess when I see my face... i see ughhh im so male looking.. but when I see deep down my soul I say... I am a female,  I will always feel female... its gonna take me time to get used to it.  So now I don't  stress with make up.   Sooner or later..... you will see your self... It will take time,  and good luck

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

[JeanetteLW]

Thanks Mikka,

  This was just a bad moment I had. I was fine before it and then I saw not the person I wanted to see but the person I didn't want to be and felt all wrong about what I am doing. Just an unusual sudden bout with depression I guess. It didn't last too long. I seldom get caught up in the darkness of my own making.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[davina61]

I get the what's that old bloke standing in front of me cause I cant see my face in the mirror, problem is not sure what my brain thinks I look like but it feels like a memory of being female 

[Katya]

very useful thread with a bunch of helpful comments.  Yah ... me too, the old guy in the mirror is very disconcerting.  My solution is to simply no look in the mirror, because what matters is how I *feel* and the more I feel like real-me the more others perceive same. 

That being said, I certainly don't want to hide from myself either, so an occasional mirror check-in is of course also important.  When I am going to have a look, *before* I look ... I spend a few minutes smiling really super hard till it feels like my cheeks are almost aching, and I very consciously perk up my posture and get that "statuesque" *mental* image going full tilt.   Then I relax nice and loose and go have a looksee in the mirror, and when I do it this way I get no dysphoric reaction, rather instead I get a boost like "hmm... I look better than I thought I did" and the smile sticks to my face quite firmly as I feel like smiling

[Laurie]

very useful thread with a bunch of helpful comments.  Yah ... me too, the old guy in the mirror is very disconcerting.  My solution is to simply no look in the mirror, because what matters is how I *feel* and the more I feel like real-me the more others perceive same. 

That being said, I certainly don't want to hide from myself either, so an occasional mirror check-in is of course also important.  When I am going to have a look, *before* I look ... I spend a few minutes smiling really super hard till it feels like my cheeks are almost aching, and I very consciously perk up my posture and get that "statuesque" *mental* image going full tilt.   Then I relax nice and loose and go have a looksee in the mirror, and when I do it this way I get no dysphoric reaction, rather instead I get a boost like "hmm... I look better than I thought I did" and the smile sticks to my face quite firmly as I feel like smiling

  Hi Member061817,

  You preparation for looking in a mirror will work as it obviously does for you. The problem however was that my  event was more one of being ambushed by that nasty old man in the mirror as I went by. It was completely a matter of being blindsided by him. I had been passed the mirror several time earlier and had only seen me. This time he was there and it hit me hard enough that I made this thread and later talked to my therapist about the event.
   I was very disconcerted by the experience and posting about it here was very helpful in getting past it. That is one of the things this site was made for, helping others overcome their problems and letting them know they are not alone.
  I hope you have very few such disturbing episodes.

Hugs,
    Laurie

[Katya]

oh yah I know what you  mean Laurie, that happens to me too once in awhile, like especially at night if I catch a reflection from the glass of a large window at just the wrong moment.
I totally sympathize ... and yah no strategy is foolproof 

I am so glad that got into this forum recently ... wow its great for finding a bit of moral support when needed (which is a lot)

I sure do appreciate you posting this thread in particular, so I can see I am not alone in experiencing this sort of tussle with being haunted by the old guy in the mirror and the negative impact it has on us when we catch a glimpse unprepared.  Seeing this thread helps a whole lot. 

[Laurie]

.
I am so glad that got into this forum recently ... wow its great for finding a bit of moral support when needed (which is a lot)

I sure do appreciate you posting this thread in particular, so I can see I am not alone in experiencing this sort of tussle with being haunted by the old guy in the mirror and the negative impact it has on us when we catch a glimpse unprepared.  Seeing this thread helps a whole lot. 

Member061817,

   I was looking in the mirror last night without any makeup, wig, or earrings and it occurred to me that though I cannot see anything I can point to other than my hair is a little longer in the back but my bald head is the same. I saw myself in the reflection more as a woman than a man. As far as I could tell it is the same face as when I began taking hormones, but something about it seems different. Perhaps it is just that I am beginning to accept myself as a woman, perhaps not. Then again, I could be just imagining things too.

   I hope you can get to where this is true for you also, Member061817.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

[Katya]

wow Laurie thank you so much for the follow-up.   To go from one day glimpsing "the old guy" and then the next day seeing the real you as fem, I mean like the way you describe really seeing yourself with no makup or anything and you look and "there she is" (except not in third-person   )   This really says a lot about how this whole process of metamorphosis works.  I would venture a guess that maybe the way we smile makes the biggest difference both externally as it lifts those "cheekbones" up, and internally as it lifts one's attitude up.  Looking at your avatar photo, the soft warm sort of way that you smile with your eyes is absolutely priceless.   

[LizK]

wow Laurie thank you so much for the follow-up.   To go from one day glimpsing "the old guy" and then the next day seeing the real you as fem, I mean like the way you describe really seeing yourself with no makup or anything and you look and "there she is" (except not in third-person   )   This really says a lot about how this whole process of metamorphosis works.  I would venture a guess that maybe the way we smile makes the biggest difference both externally as it lifts those "cheekbones" up, and internally as it lifts one's attitude up.  Looking at your avatar photo, the soft warm sort of way that you smile with your eyes is absolutely priceless.   

When I look at people photo's of their Transition it is their eyes that show the most to me....no matter what the original picture may have looked like the brightness and "Liveliness" in peoples eyes seems to reappear when they discover themselves....

[LexiDreamer]

I had similar experiences before starting HRT, so I know where you're coming from.
Now, I look in the mirror 100 times more than I ever did as a guy.
Everyday I feel more beautiful than I did the day before.
You'll get there, just be patient.

I still am not out at work, so I'm still doing the guy thing there... It's funny, when I look at myself in the mirror in the men's room at work, I see a woman cross-dressing as a man. I keep thinking, how am I fooling these people into thinking I'm a guy?... haha!

It's such a great thing when that part switches over in your brain.

You'll get there!

P.S. Keep in mind... there are many things cis-women see in the mirror and wish they could change. It's just the nature of the game!