Quote from: Twoman44 on March 20, 2017, 12:08:01 PM
Hello everyone
Last night my daughter went to a sleep over at a friend's so I had bough my (non transitioning husband) some comfy pajamas like I wear. I asked if he wanted to wear them and possibly wear them to bed.... he was very hesitant at first worried that it would feed into his desires of wanting to be female. It is going to take a lot of counseling and me showing my acceptance of him to get him comfortable with his female self. He says that it feels good to wear the clothes but he's uncomfortable at the same time. It's like his female and male self are at battle with each other. But he felt so good wearing the pajamas that he asked if I minded if he wore his bra I bought him. I said I didn't mind. Wearing the bra did make him feel the discomfort for not actually having his own breasts though. He says that he absolutely will not tak HRT or fully tradition. He says he's not willing to just throw 43 years of his life as a man away and taking on another (to him) bigger issue with publicly transitioning. He also said that getting older he thinks about his female side more that when he was younger. I'm curious as to why that is. So in the end he ended up sleeping in the pajamas but he did not wear the top to sleep in (he usually just sleeps in his boxer briefs). I asked him how he felt about wearing them all night and he said that he liked it and that he could get used to wearing female clothes. I told him that most female clothes are not all that comfortable... those were just pajamas... lol
Your husband so much like me. I am 44 and only last week I was telling my therapist that I don't want to throw away my male life, put extra strain on my marriage and transition. The feeling of not wanting to "throw away" your years is a form of grief. By fully accepting myself as trans and thinking about transition, it becomes painfully evident that I have missed out on a childhood as a girl, growing into a young woman and adult. That feels like great loss that I'm sure many trans people feel who realise who they are later in life. I personally deal with it by telling myself that had I transitioned at a young age I never would have met my wife. To me that would be a greater loss than a lost childhood. I still have to go through the grieving process of this loss as I come to terms with my gender. But I don't want to one day wake up in 20 years time grieving the loss of another 20 years on top of my current 44 because I didn't do anything now.
Having said that, I don't have current plans to transition. My wife and I have agreed to just take baby steps until I get to a stage where my dysphoria is either gone or at least manageable while we continue to have an amazing life together. I am going to start HRT in the coming months (I have my first appointment with an endocrinologist in late May). My plan is to speak to the doctor about starting off on a low dose to see what effect it has on me and then consider increasing the dosage if necessary. I'm sure I can be happy living as a man if I can tame the dysphoria. It may also become evident that I need to go all the way to a full transition, but that is only one possibility. It has taken me a long time to understand that there are many many ways to be transgender.
As far as wearing women's clothes, I have had mixed feelings. I like to wear women's clothes, but at the same time it increases my dysphoria because it highlights to me that I am not female. I have a pyjama.....thing. I just realised I don't know what it's called. It's like a long sleeved shirt but it comes down to just above the knees like a skirt. A skirt shirt!! [emoji846] Anyway, I haven't been wearing it because I'm not entirely comfortable doing so yet. I also can relate to your husband being uncomfortable with a bra because it's a reminder that it's not actually necessary because there are no breasts that need to be supported.
Yesterday, I had an initial trial of electrolysis on my face. After only a single 30 minute session, I was amazed at the effect it had on my mental state. Knowing that I have started the process to permanently remove my facial hair has made me feel so much better about myself. And for me it's a win win scenario. Both my wife and I dislike facial hair and I hate shaving, so worse case scenario is that I never have to shave my face again, with an added bonus that it has given me a mental boost without giving up being a guy.
You are doing an amazing job of supporting your husband with your acceptance. That is fantastic! Your husband seems to be going through very similar emotions that I am going through and we are almost the same age. He can message me anytime if he wishes to talk some more, and of course you can also continue to message me.
I will stop my rambling now, I have said a lot.
Jessie
