Going out, you're sitting in your car...

[Denise]

So you get all ready to go out. Get in your car, drive to _________ and sit there.  Finally you go in.

What tricks do you do to get the nerve up to get out of the car?

[Danielle834]

I guess no tricks for me.  I just go for it.  I've found that people just don't care as much as you fear.  They are more likely to be attuned to your apprehension than your look.  Just put your head up and light up the room and most tend to be quite receptive.

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[Gertrude]

Good question. I've been through the cvs drive through. Getting out of the car ? Baby steps


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[Scorpio2Scorpia]

As many know, I am still in the infancy of my female side coming out, and so is my wife. But on Friday, she had a Dr's appt to go to, and that was the 1st day I walked outside in an item of women's clothing (that wasn't panties or a bra concealed by pants/shirt). I wore a pair of pants we got a few weeks ago. They are boot cut, butt/thigh grabbing, make me feel good (and look good on me too ) pants! My wife had minor concerns if anyone would notice or say anything, and my reply was, "Well, if they notice, the likelihood of anyone saying anything is small. If someone does say something, I will admit they are, and ask if they like what they see, or why they're checking me out." No one said anything (not even the kids, and I have some other more feminine ones with rhinestones on them I've worn around the house).

That being said, I have no idea what it would be like to dress 100%, unless I'm in more of a neutral outfit (I have very masculine features that would give me away). It would be much easier if I were accompanied by my wife (like I just was) and going somewhere that has open-minded people there (which isn't too difficult in our area).

[JeanetteLW]

"Go in"?  Are you crazy?  Actually I did do it once. I went to a support meeting and knew I would meet another of this group there. I had committed to doing it before hand and therefore I had no option not to go in. I parked , got out, and walked the few blocks to the meeting. Had I not been going to meet Tessa and to a trans-women support meeting I may have had more trouble doing it.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[RobynD]

Initially when i had this sort of feeling (and subsequently when i would do "firsts", like first time with full makeup or first time with a dress on etc. ) the thing that helped me is that i sort of copped an attitude like;

" I enjoy messing with people and challenging their preconceived notions on gender, so bring it on"

That helped a lot. Later i became more comfortable and was blending in more, i still wanted to sort of mess with people The truth is though most people do not care what you wear.

[JessicaSondelli]

Sometimes you just have to push yourself. I've struggled with using the female bathroom dor a long time and in order to kick my ass I drove an hour in my car while drinking lots of water. After a while I just had to go and pee and there was no way I could walk into a men's room the way I presented so I did my very first visit and used the women's bathroom inside a shopping mall. I didn't get yelled at and I didn't get beaten up. I didn't even get a second glance because let's face it, most people don't really care about others around them so we generally make a big fuss out of every little steep forward but nobody really gives a sh.... ;-)


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[HappyMoni]

There are places I still get butterflies dealing with. I went to a dealership where I had gotten parts many a time. I figured I might see someone who recognized me from before (but didn't.) I just say to myself, "Self, you are spending the rest of your life (metaphorically) in a dress, you better get over it." Besides, I spent much of my life in fear, I refuse to let it bully me any longer. Fear is the enemy! Don't give it satisfaction, walk right over it on the way through that door.
Moni
I never said it was easy!

[KathyLauren]

I've done it often enough now (weekly support meetings for several months) that I don't worry about it.  Just do it.  I make sure I have my purse over my shoulder, that my coat is zipped or buttoned suitably for the weather, I do a quick check around that no bad guys are about to grab me, then I open the door and go.

I  keep an eye on people's reactions as I walk.  I get the odd look, but mostly people ignore me.  I have to assume that I look rather unremarkable on first glance.  I'm just a lady in her early sixties walking somewhere.

[Rayna]

I have a funny story about this Sunday. I cross dressed for a road bike ride from my house to a nearby town and return. I felt Ok about going out because I wouldn't give anybody time to really see me when I'm on the bike, plus odds of anybody recognizing me were slim. I did worry a bit about riding through the neighborhood though.

But my sneaky plan was foiled because I forgot to bring any water. It's an 800 vertical foot climb back home over about 5 miles, and I really needed some water.

So I stopped in to a Safeway (large grocery store), figuring they'd have a self checkout and I wouldn't have to face anybody.

Wrong! Well between my options, I had to face the music.

I waited in line without incident, then got to the checker. She looked me in the face to greet me, in my helmet over a wig, no makeup, tight cycling jersey over my B-cups. Bless her young, pretty heart, she tried to squelch her smile, but couldn't erase it. I gave her my best conspiratorial smile, then we continued the transaction.  Wish I'd had the presence of mind to say something, but I'm just glad I could smile and not act offended.

So there! No damage, and I got a story out of it.

Randy

[JeanetteLW]

 Hi Randi,

  I liked the story and the happy ending.  Almost reminds me of driving en femme on a trip and pulling into a self serve gas station. I get out of the car in a short black lace bubble hem party dress and sandals with others around and pumped my gas only to discover I had to pay at the cashier instead of at the pump.  I went up to the booth and there were 2 guys inside. They took my money w/o saying a word to me and off I went.  I never did that again.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[AlyssaJ]

This is probably lame and not really helpful, but I found the best way for me is to not sit in the car.  In other words, I have to avoid thinking about it and just do it.  I have the hardest time going into new places/situations when I think about it too much.  My mind starts thinking of all the things that could go wrong and I build up a bunch of anxiety.  So what I've tried to do (and I realize this is easier said than done) is just forget about what I'm wearing or how I look and if I need to go somewhere just go there and do what I need to.  I don't set out specifically to push the envelope, but I do make it a point not to put off going somewhere just because I'm presenting female.  That's worked well for me so far.  I can't say I really have a particular place that I am having trouble going into as a woman right now.

This weekend will be a big milestone for me, I'll be getting my first mani/pedi, I'll be traveling on a plane as a female for the first time, and I'll be getting my first ever makeover. 

[CoriM]

The dude I carpool with is pretty chill and he's already used to my hair. Ladies Levi's boot cut jeans, light covering makeup, and neutral nail polish, nobody let on if they noticed. I act like I own it and have a good day driving the bus. The kids are tougher to please, but I'm good at generic Q&A with them.

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[Shy]

I don't have a car so I take the bus. Problem solved. No hiding once you're on the number 37 to Transtown, you just buy your ticket and enjoy the journey. I've never had a bad reaction yet, most people don't even notice me.
Some days are easy in my mind, others not so. But isn't that the same for every human being on the planet? It's just life.

[Rae anne]

I sat in my car inside my garage and decided what the heck, I'll just make a quick trip down the road and back, but as I drove and nothing happened I got more daring. To make a long story short, I drove thru a mid sized city without any problems even stopping at an almost deserted park where I got out for a short time (huge confidence builder). My heart rate returned to normal hours later.  Go for it and Enjoy. Rae anne

[Denise]

These are all great... Keep going... How do you get up the courage to walk out of the house?

[amydane]

For my most recent adventure I drove to to park with my wife and 9 year old son, they both got out for a walk and I stayed put in the car. Maybe next time I can just take the first step. It was really nice that my wife and son were not the least worried about being seen with me in public. ...Funny thing is that I get called Mam sometimes while in my guy clothes. I just need to take the first step.

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[RachelH]

I need to get in the car first then maybe I will be able to answer this question!  I have driven around underdressed before but by far that is all I have gotten the nerve up to do.  I hope to one day go out as my true self but when and where I have no idea.  In the mean time it is good to read all your responses here!

[Shy]

These are all great... Keep going... How do you get up the courage to walk out of the house?

It will be different for everyone as everyone's life experience and personality is unique. I initially had too much baggage to fit through the door so chose to leave certain things behind until I could fit.
I started with just painted nails, and soon realised I wasn't going to be chased out of town by a pitch fork wielding angry mob. I then started to wear full daytime makeup, nice and soft. Eventually I just weathered into the landscape of my community. All a bit normal and boring really, but initially very scary.
The big issues for me now are public toilets and women's changing rooms, as I don't fully pass yet. So you walk through one door and get presented with others to challenge you, but bit by bit you carve out a life for yourself.

[kittenpower]

..,I didn't do it to get a rise out of people; I didn't do it to start a trend; I didn't do it to be cool; I did it because I'm real, and I'm living my truth.