Just a lot of questions

[mary83054]

I am not really sure if this post fits here or if this is even the right place to be asking this but I am so full of questions and have come to susns place for help and right now am not sure I really belong here.  I just recently started with HRT actually only the estradiol.   After reading some of the psots here I feel more  out of place than I did before.  One post asking about how to handle questions from the girls regarding your period.  For me I don't think that is going to be an issue I am 52 6'4 and have a snowball cahnce in >>>>  (any way you know what I mean) of passing or even coming close to passing.   
   1) so I ask myself is it even worth all the effort?  I don't want to stop but I look at the rest of you and end up asking who am I kidding anyway//
   2) I am still in the process of coming out to family I have come out to some but not to others and it scares me...  still
   3)when I think about the changes I will be making it scares me  I want them I really do but it scares me..
 
   So to keep from rambling here I guess you guys can get where I'm at from the above my big question is.. Is this part of the average or "normal" process that most TS go through or am I missing something.  Are all the girls here on susan's place so passable or are there others who will be like me and never pass.

Mary
(Please don't take offense at any of this I really am just trying to find my way here!!   

[Kate]

For me I don't think that is going to be an issue I am 52 6'4 and have a snowball cahnce in >>>>  (any way you know what I mean) of passing or even coming close to passing.

I'm 43 and almost 6'3". I just tonight posted in another thread:

I NEVER thought transitioning would work for me (heck, come to think of it, I STILL don't believe it worked, lol). One of the first things I said to my therapist was, "It's not that I don't know if I want to transition - I do - but I don't know if I CAN transition. There's just no way I'll ever be anything but a feminized man to everyone." Even when I committed to transitioning, I STILL didn't believe it would work. I fully expected I'd end up a laughingstock...

And.. height just hasn't been an issue in the least.

Check out the Never say never thread

~Kate~

[Jennifer01]

Hi,
     Well i'm 50...with wrinkles. Altho i'm 5-10, people say i'm tall. Of course if someone is 5-8 I would be tall. I seen a woman awhile back, i'm not making this up, she made me look short. She was tallll !.

Don't give up the ship till the water is up to your chin !.

                                                          Jennifer

[buttercup]

   Are all the girls here on susan's place so passable or are there others who will be like me and never pass.

Mary
(Please don't take offense at any of this I really am just trying to find my way here!!   

None taken.  I don't pass for either 100% male or female, I get called cute though, and attractive but I'm still wtf type when people pass me by!  Makes life difficult, but it could be worth it all in the end.  Sometimes I think I could make it easier on myself if I stop everything and just be an ordinary pretty guy, but it's not me.  I don't wear make-up, just lip gloss with a hint of colour, I never wear dresses, just femme jeans and blouses, tees etc.  I am 5' 7", so its not about height really.
I don't know if I will ever meet the 'one' and that makes me kinda sad.  It's tough but if you have your friends and loved ones around you it will be easier.  You've got to grow a second skin, and I think there a lot of people on here who have that, I'm too sensitive for my own good and get hurt easily.  I just want to be me and I'm sure that's how you feel to so do what you gotta do, grow that second skin, and you will be the person you knew you always were!

buttercup   

[Enigma]

In my experience, we're always the last one to know we pass.

I remember once, during my first attempt at transition, buying alcohol, my ID was in my male name, I was presenting as male (or at least trying to).  The clerk looked at my ID, looked at me, got confused, looked at my ID some more, shrugged and sold me the alcohol.

HRT takes a LONG time to work.  I've seen some websites (ones I would consider reliable) say that it can take as long as two years to get the full effect of HRT.  Give it its proper time.  If nothing else, remember that women play basketball professionally and football semi-professionally, they come in all shapes and sizes.

FYI...

Katie Feenstra of the Detroit Shock (WNBA) is 6ft 8in tall and weighs 240 lbs.

http://www.wnba.com/playerfile/katie_feenstra/index.html?nav=page

[daisybelle]

Are all the girls here on susan's place so passable or are there others who will be like me and never pass.

Mary

Statements like this show the true woman you are .... you really think I have a chance at passing?

I know I could lose a little weight, and and work a little on my hair, and add some accessories.

But still your comment gives me a little hope.

Daisy

[melissa90299]

Mary,

Have you been out and about en femme as the CDs say.

In reality, almost no one passes 100%. I don't know if how happy I'd be not being perceived as a woman. Anytime anyone asks me about the pain of FFS, I say, "It is a lot less painful than being called "sir." If you are 6'4" you will have to have a very feminine face to have any chance of "passing."

I don't know what life would be like to be constanly "clocked." Myself. I don't think I could take it. OTOH when I began transiton, I never thought I would "pass" at all.

[Kate]

I don't know if how happy I'd be not being perceived as a woman. Anytime anyone asks me about the pain of FFS, I say, "It is a lot less painful than being called "sir."

I hear ya. But let me mention that having someone realize our birth sex doesn't necessarily mean getting "sir'd" and being treated poorly. IMHO, if the changes are significant enough, and if you're "congruent" in appearance and personality, people seem to have no problem dealing with us - even knowing our legacy. True, it's not the same as passing for a GG. But I'd hate to see anyone give up all hope because they can't pass for a GG. There are levels of acceptance and validation between "pass for a GG" and "laughed at for trying to pass as a GG."

If you are 6'4" you will have to have a very feminine face to have any chance of "passing."

Awl, thank you Melissa!

Seriously though, my face isn't very feminine. I'm looking through that "bored girls post photos" thread and feeling pretty ugly and stupid now, lol. But... I get by somehow. I can only imagine there's much more to it than just the face - although I'll admit the face is a big part of it.

~Kate~

[Enigma]

If you are 6'4" you will have to have a very feminine face to have any chance of "passing."

Awl, thank you Melissa!

Seriously though, my face isn't very feminine. I'm looking through that "bored girls post photos" thread and feeling pretty ugly and stupid now, lol. But... I get by somehow. I can only imagine there's much more to it than just the face - although I'll admit the face is a big part of it.

I still think we're our own worst enemies.  Non-TS women have issues with their body image as well, but they don't live and die around "passing" the way we do.

Since I seem to have this love affair with Katie Feenstra...



Her shoulders are broader then mine, her arm's are bigger then mine.  She outweighs me by over 40 lbs (in fact she's the heaviest player in the WNBA) and she's at least half a foot taller then me.   And yet some how I don't think she's posting to online message boards about how she doesn't pass.

[melissa90299]

I saw a woman (naked) at the gym who was 6'4" and one of the most beautiful women I ever saw. If she was trans, she was post-op LOL

[Sheila]

I don't really care if I pass or not. I dress the way I want and I go where ever I want as a woman, because that is who I am. If you have a problem then keep it to yourself. I have enough problems of my own and the least of them are wondering if I'm a woman. This is my philosophy. I am post op with no other surgery. I'm 5'10" and my weight is over well lets just say I'm heavy. I have extra large hands, size 15 ring finger, go find a ring in that size, male or female. I'm out to anybody that knows me and if they don't know about me that is good to.
Sheila

[kae m]

   1) so I ask myself is it even worth all the effort?  I don't want to stop but I look at the rest of you and end up asking who am I kidding anyway//
   2) I am still in the process of coming out to family I have come out to some but not to others and it scares me...  still
   3)when I think about the changes I will be making it scares me  I want them I really do but it scares me..

For me, #1 is a big question, and I keep coming up with excuses to not transition.  It costs a lot, I'm not tall but I'm built fairly big, I have plenty of self-confidence issues without constantly questioning how others see me, what if I lose my job, I might become a (bigger) target for hate, and so on.  Yet, every day that goes by I become more sure of myself.  Every secret/private step I take toward being the real me makes me feel better and more secure with myself.  Still, if I am managing to "get by" in my current life, should I really bring that kind of added stress onto myself?  If I put it off 6 more months, will I be better positioned to successfully begin transition?  If I put it off 6 more months, can I actually wait that long?  I wish I could know.  I don't want to stall but I don't want to rush into things unprepared either.

As for # 2...I lose sleep every week over coming out, and I haven't done it to anyone.  I feel like I can't come out until I am capable of maybe passing (which is a long, long way away) and it tears me up inside that I'm forcing myself to carry this kind of burden alone.  I think my mother will support me but my father will disown me, which is extremely awkward because I live with both of them...  My friends, few that there are, are mostly guys and are extremely typical ones at that.  I fear they will all abandon me because I've been so fake with them for so long that being me is really going to be like being an entirely different person.  Even as I've adjusted my personality and conversations toward being more gender-neutral they've pointed out that something about me is changing.  And coming out at work...the thought makes me go into a panic.

I think # 3 is totally normal, considering.  I mean you're not talking about changing your hair style (well, actually you are but anyway) you're talking about changing how you live your life, abandoning what might be familiar for what feels natural.  Taking the context out and ignoring the specifics, it isn't always easy to do what feels right when something is constantly reinforced as wrong.  Thinking about it like this helps me accept my feelings, but doesn't make it any less scary...

All I can hope for, for the time being, is to someday have a tiny little piece of the kind of confidence people here seem to have.

[Berliegh]

I'm 43 and almost 6'3". I just tonight posted in another thread:

[~Kate~

Wow, that is tall Kate....I thought I was tall at 5' 7".......in the U.K genetic women are generally shorter than in the U.S and most are around 5' 5" or shorter....

[Kate]

I'm 43 and almost 6'3". I just tonight posted in another thread:

Wow, that is tall Kate....I thought I was tall at 5' 7"...

I know Kim, I hate to brag about my height like that, as I know my supermodel looks makes the girls jealous

What can I say? It's funny that my male genes have sorta turned out to be an asset, lol...

~Kate~

[Berliegh]

I'm 43 and almost 6'3". I just tonight posted in another thread:

Wow, that is tall Kate....I thought I was tall at 5' 7"...

I know Kim, I hate to brag about my height like that, as I know my supermodel looks makes the girls jealous

What can I say? It's funny that my male genes have sorta turned out to be an asset, lol...

~Kate~

I wish I had that kind of confidence..

[Kate]

I'm 43 and almost 6'3". I just tonight posted in another thread:

Wow, that is tall Kate....I thought I was tall at 5' 7"...

I know Kim, I hate to brag about my height like that, as I know my supermodel looks makes the girls jealous

What can I say? It's funny that my male genes have sorta turned out to be an asset, lol...

~Kate~

I wish I had that kind of confidence..

LOL, well it was said somewhat tongue-in-cheek. STILL though, for all my whining about my height and masculine face, I think it's time I get over myself and put a new spin on what I have. We all tend to be so critical of ourselves, especially when our traits fall out of a female norm. But ya know, many women (and men) consider height very sexy and attractive, especially if you're in reasonably good shape. So yes, my height is way out of the norm for females, but that rarity is also why it's often admired. Instead of viewing our differences as "male traits," sometimes I think we can learn to see them as actual advantages.

I can't tell you how many times people have said to me, "You're SO lucky!" Maybe I (we) should believe them once in awhile

~Kate~

[melissa90299]

I am constantly amazed when short cisgendered women tell me how lucky I am to be so tall. Lets' face it, setting aside gender, there are a lot of practical advantages to being tall. As a tall woman, being "striking and statuesque" is wonderful most of the time, but sometimes, I kinda wish I would just be able to be not so noticeable. OTOH I have always craved attention but I am getting more attention than I ever bargained for.

I am glad I only got 500 cc implants

[Enigma]

Instead of viewing our differences as "male traits," sometimes I think we can learn to see them as actual advantages.

I can't tell you how many times people have said to me, "You're SO lucky!" Maybe I (we) should believe them once in awhile

Natal females that enter puberty late tend to be tall and thin at the end of puberty.  Their early counterparts tend to be shorter and more compact.  Modern society views tall and thin as beautiful (see most supermodels, usually 6 ft +).  I've also heard that male puberty gives most MtFs legs most women would kill for.

Finally, in studies where gender variant children have been treated with GnRH, they end up 5 to 7 inches shorted then what would have been their predicted height had they followed a male puberty.  There's lots I wish I would have avoided in a male puberty, but I'm actually happy being 6ft 1in..  My whole family is tall (male and female), I really don't think I'd want to be 5 1/2 feet tall.

[melissa90299]

What is a natal female?

I've also heard that male puberty gives most trans women legs most women would kill for.

Certainly true in my case.

[Enigma]

What is a natal female?

cisgendered