Really need advice

[findingout]

I've always felt more feminine than male. I've had a couple of homosexual experience but found it didn't do it for me. I want to wear women's clothes, make myself look like a woman. However I don't want to go the whole way and change completely into a woman. I want to keep my make part. When it comes to sex I prefer females but pre and post op transgender women Is also something I like. I've told my wife and she says I should find a group and get advice, find out the best clothes to wear and how to look more feminine. I've spent my whole life frustrated and just couldn't go on not saying something. I'm not even sure what I am. Please help.

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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. You have come to the right place for answers as we have a section for cross dressers and fashions that might be of interest to you. I am not an expert in those areas but over time I am sure you will learn what you want to know.

There are others on the site much like you who wish to remain in their birth gender but present as the opposite gender. Some do it part time and other full time so it's whatever you are comfortable with. We class that group as part of the non binary. To learn more about this, you should look at our WIKI for a more detail description.

I need to drop off for a few minutes but if you have question, post them in this tread and I will look at them when I get back.

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[HappyMoni]

I can tell you exactly what you are. Ready? You are a human being who does not have to fit perfectly in any box with a label on it. What you want is okay. You took such a  wonderful step telling your wife. Congratulations! The burden of hiding stinks. I would suggest you explore your feelings through real life experiences and through talking to a therapist or support group. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Don't be surprised though that through learning more, your ultimate goals may change. Its all good.
Monica

[findingout]

Thanks, that's good advice. I'm looking around to find support groups in Edinburgh just now. My home town is still struggling to come to terms with the 1950s far less the 21st century. But Edinburgh is only 30 mins away. I'm already under a psychiatrist because of clinical depression and psychosis so I thought I'd speak to him as well. I'm really feeling releif I've come out though. Best thing I've done in years.

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[aa0810]

OMG...  you are soooo in luck!  Just search "transgender support groups edinburgh" - there are just soooo many options! 

[karenk1959]

I have similar feelings. I feel unfortunate that I am already 57 years old and only now starting to understand my self. I fantasized about being a girl when I was young, but repressed those fantasies. I did dress in my mother's underwear secretly through puberty (although maybe she knew if I didn't put things back the way they were). Dressing up led to feelings of shame. Later, after I was married for several years, I secretly started to buy and dress in pantyhose and sometimes panties when I was away at conferences. I found the urge to do so unbearable  and so sexually exciting, but later on felt ashamed of my behavior. Presently, after almost of year of therapy to address years of depression and an insightful wife, I have come to realize I am transgender. I started out thinking I just wanted to dress up in my own privacy once in a while and bought panties and a bra-that that would be enough. I thought I probably had gender dysphoria and was somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of male and female identities. But I was just fooling myself. I didn't want to face the truth and disturb my relationships with friends and family, especially my kids. The truth is that I was born in the wrong body. I want to be a woman. I am envious of women I see. I am in the early stages of all of this and anxiety-wise only a couple of my wife's close girlfriends know. I can only bring myself to wear panties under my pants. But I know this will not be enough. I don't know how far I will go. I am afraid of medicines and surgery in general. But, I feel so much better and a lot of my depression has cleared since admitted the truth of myself. For me wanting to dress up meant I wanted to be a woman. A good therapist goes a long way. I hope that helps. I joined this website recently for similar support and appreciate talking to people with similar feelings.

[theqnoumenon]

The only advice I can give is: forget the boundaries and be, wear, feel... what you really want.
First of all, we've been always taught a set of norms of gender and some social irrational behaviors, just don't let them limit your view of the world, don't let them limit you.

Secondly, I don't really know who I am either, but I can tell you that one of the things which are helping me the most is experimenting with my gender expression in my inner social circle. I started only a few weeks ago wearing female clothes and asking to be called by the corresponding pronouns, and these real interactions have helped more than months of thinking! Also, this forum is helping a lot.

About the clothes, I started with leggings, which are more "socially accepted" for their use in people read male than other female clothes, and these are good new if you have concerns about this as I had. Skirts are comfortable too in my opinion.

[HappyMoni]

I have similar feelings. I feel unfortunate that I am already 57 years old and only now starting to understand my self. I fantasized about being a girl when I was young, but repressed those fantasies. I did dress in my mother's underwear secretly through puberty (although maybe she knew if I didn't put things back the way they were). Dressing up led to feelings of shame. Later, after I was married for several years, I secretly started to buy and dress in pantyhose and sometimes panties when I was away at conferences. I found the urge to do so unbearable  and so sexually exciting, but later on felt ashamed of my behavior. Presently, after almost of year of therapy to address years of depression and an insightful wife, I have come to realize I am transgender. I started out thinking I just wanted to dress up in my own privacy once in a while and bought panties and a bra-that that would be enough. I thought I probably had gender dysphoria and was somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of male and female identities. But I was just fooling myself. I didn't want to face the truth and disturb my relationships with friends and family, especially my kids. The truth is that I was born in the wrong body. I want to be a woman. I am envious of women I see. I am in the early stages of all of this and anxiety-wise only a couple of my wife's close girlfriends know. I can only bring myself to wear panties under my pants. But I know this will not be enough. I don't know how far I will go. I am afraid of medicines and surgery in general. But, I feel so much better and a lot of my depression has cleared since admitted the truth of myself. For me wanting to dress up meant I wanted to be a woman. A good therapist goes a long way. I hope that helps. I joined this website recently for similar support and appreciate talking to people with similar feelings.

Karen,
   I am 59 and only came to terms about 2 years ago. I am full time now. I don't know if it helps, but you could have read my mind to write everything you did here. Everything until the fear of medicines. I think you are correct, the feelings are powerful and tend to demand their due. I found running was impossible. It took a long time before I let my wife see me in feminine mode. It took a leap of faith at first, but the world didn't end, and the rest, for me, was history.
Moni

[karenk1959]

Thanks Moni

[bubbles21]

Hey,

Im so happy for you and it must be a huge relief to be able to be out to your wife and have her be accepting, that is a huge step. In terms of not wanting to go the whole way with surgery and whatever, do not worry and dont ever let any body make you feel less than because you dont want to have surgery. I dont know if you have felt similar or whatever but when i first started dressing and being open about who i am or whatever i felt like my life was just beginning.

In respect to looking more feminine, makeup and clothes clothes clothes. Jump into any shops and search for what you like, there are heaps of online shops. Skirts are good, nice flowy summer dresses, loose blouses and tops with either a tight jean or casual short. There are plenty of clothes you will find you just have to mix and match and im sure your wife can help. Maybe you want to try padding? look up the company dresstech, they have the best padding especially for hips and the company is owned by someone who dresses. Makeup you will find that to start off experimenting is your best friend and youtube videos/tutorials are your bestest friend haha, there is a wealth of info on youtube to do with makeup but just try to start of with maybe a beard cover, concealer, foundation, setting powder, mascara, eyeliner and eyeshadows if you want to try those oh and of course lippy if thats what you like oh and most of all HAVE FUN!