Not really trans?

[JAQUELINE]

So before hrt I was super depressed but I had bipolar disorder stabilized. For the first monthand a  half I felt great. Now i am depressed and suicidal. I like the changes I've had and don't want to go back to massive amounts of dysphoria. Since I am now depressed does that mean I am not trans?or maybe spiro is interacting with lithium? Idk but i can't go back to what I was. Now my therapist knows I'm suicidal so i will probably lose my hormones tommorow.

[ainsley]

...I like the changes I've had and don't want to go back to massive amounts of dysphoria... Idk but i can't go back to what I was...

That pretty much screams you are trans, in my humble non-professional opinion.

The suicidal ideations are not in my wheelhouse, but I would advise you to talk with someone about them.  But, mind my first statement when you do.

[treeLB]

You need to be communicating and working with your dr and therapist in regards to the depresion. I hope that you are able to get it under control.

Don't worry if you are or are not trans, that is really irrelevant. What I mean is that a lot of people look at being trans or transgender or transsexual as an identity in itself that they need to qualify for. Or like a club or something. But it is not. This is about you, how you want to express yourself (femine/ masculine/ both) and how you identify as a woman or man or neither or both. Are you trans? Not trans? It does not matter.

[Dena]

I don't know enough about you so I am going to suggest something for you to think about. You might have body or social dysphoria. If dysphoria is part of your depression, then in the case of social dysphoria, moving into full time would be helpful. In the case of body dysphoria, hair removal, makeup or hair styling might be beneficial. On the other hand, if you are on other medications for depression, HRT will not eliminate the need for the other medications and they could need to be adjusted.

You appear to be moving forward in treatment but there will be times when it seems like you are moving backwards. Those times will pass and you will soon see yourself moving forward again.