so... i am 29 years old and am a transwoman pre hrt and surgeries, the only real thing i have done is my real life experience and my transition has been slowed to a complete stop for the last 2 years due to my mother who is my legal guardian not wanting to move forward because she is afraid i wont be covered by my tru blue, blue cross insurance. i call it a bunch of bull as they have covered all 21 of my brain surgeries and this is just as important. up until i was 12 or so i had this vague feeling my body was seriously wrong but when i hit puberty it hit me like a truck. i immediately figured out why i always would get jealous of the pretty girls in school... and to be honest that little revelation was such a shock to me that i went into such a terrible rage i only saw the world through a foggy veil of red, and from what i know of the rage i went through i had taken one of our kitchen knives and attacked the dining room chair turning it into toothpicks withing about 5 or 10 minutes... and according to my mom when i finally could not do anything else to the chair i took a swipe at her. still even after all this and the resulting visit to the mental hospital for the next 6 months i kept my dysphoria hidden for another 13 years roughly. i remember i was 25 and we were in the car about to head home from the food bank when my mom had brought up the fact she found my sisters dress that i had "borrowed" and that she wanted an explaination. after several times of her asking and my emotions building up i finally exploded in tears and anger and told her i was transgender, literally just was as vague as that when i told her. anyway after a few seconds of silence the first thing she said to me... the first opinion of my very identity i ever heard was "you know the way you feel is a sin." now keep in mind while i may not be religious in the least i knew from the bottom of my heart that was my mother's equivilency of metaphorical murder. i had just had the one person who had been there for me my entire life basically say my exsistence meant less then nothing since it was a sin. after this we had a fight about me being confused about this and her calling me things like a crossdresser a ->-bleeped-<-got and other horrible words that in those intonations made me severely pissed off... it got to the point i had been about to walk the entire 30 miles back to our house, i was of course living with her still since she was my guardian and a quite wonderful mother typically, now of course she would not stand for having me walk that distance and we got in yet another fight however somehow she managed to convince me to ride home. and yes while i did finally ride home i never spoke a word to her the entire time. ok so when i got home i figured i might as well post a status on facebook telling everyone i knew about what i had hidden for all those years. this was not exactly well recieved and as i sat at my computer bawling my eyes out i saw my friends list dive from the thousands to being a little less than 300 friends. this of course only led me to cry even harder. the next thing i did was i called my girlfriend of 7 years up and told her directly. she told me she already knew and then less then 15 minutes later she broke up with me telling me still loved me but could not see herself with a woman at this time of her life. ever since that day i have had panic attacks whenever i leave the house and i am even more self concious about my gender now that everybody knows how i feel. i actually broke down in the care sobbing one time because my mom had asked me to go into the post office with her to pick the mail up. oh and that brings me to the only real silver lining. my mother has been using my preffered pronouns and my preferred name for the last 2 years and we have a somewhat stable mother daughter relationship now. hell she even took me to get my ears pierced at one point and bought me my first dress. anyway yeah thats my life story and reading it back i realise it is a LOT more pleasant than the ones my online friends have had and about a bazillion times easier then my aunt billy's was when she came out as transgender years ago.
