What was the situation that your spouse saw you?

[Denise]

The first time my wife met Denise was Halloween.  BIG MISTAKE!!!

Jump ahead... 1 day... "Honey I think I'm transgender." Well that weekend didn't go over well.  Fast forward ...  I work at home on Fridays and I immediately started dressing, mostly skirts, while she was at work and kept an eye out for her return. 

Then about a year later I convinced her to allow me to do a quick fashion show.  Jeans and casual tops only with boys with 2"-3" heels.  She was watching TV and have me a little time during commercials.

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[Amanda_Combs]

Small things sporadically.  If I ever get close to being passable near her, she asks questions.(Like if I'm gay, even though we've talked about this and I've told her that I'm only attracted to her and just don't feel comfortable being male.)  So she sees me partially feminine all the time.  Maybe a little jewelry, or just make-up, or just a skirt. The most positive thing I can say is that it's still better than before.


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[RachelH]

I told her initially last summer.  A couple months ago I decided to not go to a support group meeting.  That evening we were sitting on the Deck having a few adult beverages and my wife suggested she help me with make up.  At first I was apprehensive so we had a couple more.  Then I said OK and she explained a few things as she helped.  Then I put on my wife and for the first time she said she could finally "see her".  She cried, we hugged and she gave me a few minutes to "myself".  That was the first and so far only time.  Baby steps...

[SailorMars1994]

I havent had a S/O since 2010.. I forget what being in a relationship is even like xD

[KathyLauren]

I am not sure there really was a 'situation'.  I told her that I thought I was probably transgender.  We talked about it for a bit and she was supportive. 

So the next thing was, "We have to go shopping and get you some underwear.  Then we'll go to Frenchy's (local used clothing store) for some clothes to wear around the house."  We did, got home, I modelled them, and that was it, done deal.

[SailorMars1994]

I am not sure there really was a 'situation'.  I told her that I thought I was probably transgender.  We talked about it for a bit and she was supportive. 

So the next thing was, "We have to go shopping and get you some underwear.  Then we'll go to Frenchy's (local used clothing store) for some clothes to wear around the house."  We did, got home, I modelled them, and that was it, done deal.

Yeap. Those second hand stores can be a blessing. My favorite purple American Eagle shirt that I wear religiously I picked up from Value Village (known as Savers in America).

[josie76]

Well the night I woke her up and I struggled and stammered to explain my feelings and such. She is actually the one who said the word transgender. After a lot of talking she pulled some clothes out of her old don't fit bin and said I should try them on. It was an amazingly freeing night. However we are still struggling to stay together. This is just the latest of issues we've had to deal with in our time together.

[JoanneB]

In a sense my wife first saw Joanne, twice. Two different eras of life over the nearly 40 years we've known each other.

From about day 1 she knew of my gender issues. Some 10 years or so later we started living together officially. This also meant coordinating my monthly or so escapes from maleness. At first she spent the day shopping. After about a year she asked if it was OK if she stayed home, if it bother me having her around. I was scared about that but also felt positive since her being home would help lessen some of the guilt I felt doing this "thing" in almost a sneaky manor. I put my best girlie girl on (a good 40 years of practice and clothing mistakes) and she was like ho-hum. In time life got in the way of living. Guilt and shame won out. The "escapes" all but disappeared.

Then came the dropping of the T-Bomb. No longer just a CD, something she felt safe about. A few months passed before things worked out for her to come with me to my TG support group meeting (I was living out of state at the time) This second, or was it the real first, time was when she "saw" Joanne.

[Sarah.VanDistel]

I told my wife, a few months before marriage, that I sometimes enjoyed wearing lingerie just for excitement. At that time (almost 17 years ago) I was still convinced that it was "just" a fetish. Then along the last 17 years, there has been a quite irregular build-up of dysphoria which culminated in suicidal thoughts and, a few months ago, in me accepting that I actually am transexual. Along the path, my wife was convinced that my "fetish" was getting "worse" and she never really considered that I might wish to transition. Her acceptance was a fundamental milestone, as from then on I began taking concrete steps towards my metamorphosis. Reaching acceptance was very distressful for both of us. And then, magically, over a few days, she "got it", she had that extraordinary epiphany. Not only does she accept the fact, but she's been encouraging with the transition and totally excludes ending our marriage (I guess she thought she was a Kinsey 0, but she's actually a 1 or 2... Mother Nature loves diversity). I came out to our two boys, who totally accepted the rebirth of dad as Sarah. I live en femme, at home, since about one month and my wife is totally accepting and have never been so loving. I already started going out at night for short walks en femme.

I suppose that despite many recurring patterns, everyone has its very personal story, with details that depend on social context, partner's philosophy of life, feelings and sexual orientation, etc. Each one must inevitably chose her path and write her own story. It will ALWAYS be uncharted territory, but it's encouraging to know that others "made it". [emoji4]

Hugs, Sarah

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[staciM]

^ wow Sarah!!?  this is remarkably similar to my story in practically every detail....my wife has actually come out as lesbian.  It's so similar I had to double take to see if it was something I wrote and forgot about ...crazy!

[SadieBlake]

Not spouse but lt gf, on our first date 18 years ago.

[Kylo]

Not a spouse technically. Probably first time I got a short haircut while he was in the picture. I wasn't doing it to make a statement, but he "saw" it, all right.

[Claire]

I've done nothing along these lines but she knows. Thanks Denise for this thread. It helps.


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[RobynD]

My spouse saw me in feminine attire to some extent before we married and then in escalating way after that. I do remember what i was wearing when there was a moment where she said " Wow you really are a girl " Sometime in early 2015 - i was wearing jeans, pumps, a white blouse and jacket

[Hannah Samira]

The first time she saw me as a girl she did my makeup for me. Then she laid in bed under the covers while I took selfies. She said she wanted to see but I was shy at first. Eventually I let her see and we just laid in bed on our laptops. She actually edited a couple of my pictures for me (my current display picture is actually one of those from that day).

That was actually the only time I've fully dressed up in front of her - she was very supportive and very kind about it but I could tell it was hurting her so I don't go full out around her anymore, just bits of makeup and a few pieces of clothing.

[SailorMars1994]

Not to derail but you are really pretty Hannah !!!!

[Hannah Samira]

Not to derail but you are really pretty Hannah !!!!

Thank you That's my girlfriend's editing for you!!

[cheryl reeves]

It was during a fight we had and I told her the full story that I'm a transsexual who doesn't want bottom surgery for my own reasons,she said you want I wear make up and she applied make up on me and I looked like the bearded lady, she told me to shave the next day and made me up right and then asked if I had a fem name I told her it was Teresa Cheryl Reeves, she said she couldn't handle calling me Teresa so she said we are going to use Cheryl. My wife still has her days,but she is quick to defend me. She has picked out most my clothes and has tastes in skirts and dresses like I do.

[Rachel]

She would see me when I came home from group. She would give me feedback, not nice feedback but feedback.

[Michelle_P]

It's pretty funny, but from my coming out to her to the point where she told me to leave, going through all the divorce proceedings, she never saw ME.  She went to great pains to establish rules regarding my coming and going to ensure that she would'nt get an accidental glimpse of me.  I had to schedule when I would get dressed and leave so she could get to the far end of the house behind a locked door.  I had to text her before and on arrival, wait for an 'all clear' to enter the house, when I was to immediately proceed to the master bath, close the door, and text her again that the trans-monster was secure.

It was pretty much insane, and not exactly great for the old self-esteem, but this went on for many months.  Moving out and going full time was a tremendous relief.