Transitioning without ever really coming out

[zoe91]

I was just wondering if anyone has done this? I mean of course just moving to a new area and a new job. By doing that there's no real need to come out to the people currently in your life or at all if you don't maintain contact with them. I realise there are all sorts of financial and family reasons why that's just not an option for the vast majority of people but it must still be an option for some. So did you?

[LizK]

Nope I needed the help and support of my family to help me through transition. They are as important to me as any other part of transition... IO am sure you could do it totally stealth...I am sure some have

Liz

[cutekitten]

I am planning to transition in similar terms. However I think it is crucial that selected friends/relatives know and accept your choice. I dont see how you could do it otherwise except from never seeing all your family and all your friends ever again. Sound impossible for myself, I could never forget all the people I love and who love me.
I'm planning to start transitionning in a new city and will have the support from my mom and my sister. But on my side the fact that all of my family lives overseas helps in that matter. I also want to come out to some of my family (the ones whom I am close) and friends when I will be well into, or after,  transitioning. Atm I am not looking to come out to my dad which I rarely see (seen him twice in 10 years), and not even after a few years of living as a woman. Everyone story is different and its your choice but you cant just disappear from theface of the earth and live happily , at least I cant.... A new city will make things easier but eventually everyone you would have known might find out

[staciM]

My philosophy is similar to Elizabeth's ....my family's love, support and acceptance are vital to a successful transition.

Your situation, relationships and needs may be different (and this approach could be the right thing for you), but my feeling is that "running away" and "starting over" is still living a lie of sorts.  Having an entire set of people not know the real me would hang over my head and wouldn't allow my mind to be at rest.  Coming out is a difficult, emotional and mentally exhausting process but is truly liberating....like pulling anchors off your soul.

[Janes Groove]

Sounds pretty old school. That was the standard practice back in the day. Move to another city and transition. Then when the transition was complete move to a 3rd city and live the rest of your life stealth.  Lots of people still do it that way.

[Kylo]

Well there are people in the family that I never did actually tell, because they live hundreds of miles away and we are barely in contact. If you never see or talk to someone, what point is there in telling them?

But for the people you do have in your life and who are close by, it's impossible without leaving them behind and vanishing into the blue.

[Dani]

Today we have the luxury of telling anyone we want. Some of us are open about transition and others really want to live in stealth. Both ways are just fine.

[Colleen_definitely]

My plan is to be so stealthy that the air force will want to strap me to their planes.

[kat69]

My plan is to be so stealthy that the air force will want to strap me to their planes.

OMG, that made my day....awesome!

[Rambler]

I'm doing things as stealthy as possible for as long as I can pull it off, but I don't have any plans to leave my current life behind. My wife, a few close friends , and my supervisor know about my plans, but other than that, I don't intend to include anyone else until I'm nearing the time to make the switch. Part of me would love to just move someplace new and start fresh but I just don't see it as practical. However, I may end up looking for a new career or going back to school after I transition, it's just a bit too early to tell at this point, and it puts me in a difficult position because I love my job but I work on the warehouse side running inventory control and it's also quite the boys club. There's a good chance I won't be accepted even though HR & my boss are extremely sympathetic. I wish I could just skip the coming out to my family part. I'm not close with anyone in my family and most are fairly conservative. With the exception of my big sis (who would literally spend a week throwing the most uncomfortable questions my way, non-stop) I don't expect anyone to accept me. So, for those who can pull it off more power to you!