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Why Do I Need to Crossdress So Badly?

Started by karenk1959, April 13, 2017, 05:57:17 AM

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karenk1959

I have discovered I am a TG woman within the last year. I know that I am in the wrong body with the wrong anatomy. Can anyone explain to me why I have such a strong urge to crossdress? Aren't they just clothes? Does it matter what I look like on the outside if I accept that I identity as a woman on the inside?
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Saira128

When I crossdress, it just feels right. What I feel inside, and what I look like on the outside matches when I crossdress.
Love ,
          Saira :-*
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KathyLauren

Part of being yourself is not hiding who you are.  How you present yourself to the world is the outward expression of your identity.  Dressing in appropriate beautiful clothing is your way of expressing your inner beauty.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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LizK

Quote from: karenk1959 on April 13, 2017, 05:57:17 AM
I have discovered I am a TG woman within the last year. ...

Would it not be unreasonable to want to present yourself as you feel most comfortable and if that is wearing something more traditional like a dress then as a woman don't you have that right?

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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Janes Groove

Correct me if I'm wrong but if you identify as a woman it's not cross dressing.  It's just dressing.

Wearing male clothes is the cross dressing part of it.
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Sarah.VanDistel

Hi Karenk!

I think I understand what you mean. Until not so long ago, that question popped in my mind too. If you feel that you are a woman, then logically you shouldn't "need" any apparel to prove it to yourself. After all, a non-trans ciswoman in traditional male clothes will not feel less of a woman. Although most women prefer to wear women's clothes. So why should you, right? Well, after some introspection, in my case it was a sort of surrogate for a womanhood that I could not attain otherwise. I recently started HRT as well as other sorts of feminization (epilation, skin care, etc.) and I feel much more in conformity with my true gender. Clothes are important because I can't live naked, and I do wear women's clothes most of the time, but if I wear a plain tee-shirt or one of my old men's jeans, and don't feel less feminine anymore. Does this make sense? Do you thinks that this is what's happening with you - a surrogate for something that you don't have just yet? If it is, I wish you a swift start of your transition because it'll do wonders for the "urges".

My two cents of a euro...

Sarah

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk







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Daniellekai

Quote from: Jane Emily on April 13, 2017, 10:56:23 AM
Correct me if I'm wrong but if you identify as a woman it's not cross dressing.  It's just dressing.

Wearing male clothes is the cross dressing part of it.

This, I've been cross-dressing for 30 years, it's time to stop. :P


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Michelle_P

Think about it this way.  Tell a ciswoman that she was forbidden to present as a woman, but must wear only male clothing, must have a male haircut, must use male speech patterns, gestures, and posture at all time, and that any failure to do so would result in immediate social rejection and mocking.  Further, she would be required to have a testosterone implant for the rest of her life. What do you think would happen?

I'll tell you.  She'd have anxiety. She'd develop depression and experience gender dysphoria.  This is pretty much a sure thing.

Women may dress or present themselves in male or androgynous clothing from time to time, but they typically do not alter their appearance or behaviors to match for an extended period of time.  They definitely do not go on testosterone when wearing male or androgynous garb.  They do this entirely under their own volition.

A transgender person, pre-transition, on the other hand is in exactly the unpleasant situation I described above.  Social norms, the threat of banishment for violating cultural taboos, keeps us hidden away, forced to cross-dress as our assigned at birth gender, and trying to tolerate the effects of submerging our true selves constantly.

When a transgender woman assigned male at birth presents as female, they are simply letting their gender presentation match their gender identity.  This relieves that intense distress for a little while, giving us a glimpse at what our true selves really are.  That 'euphoria' some experience when they dress to match their identity isn't really euphoria, but just relief from the worst of the dysphoria for a little while.

Saira has it exactly right:
Quote
When I crossdress, it just feels right. What I feel inside, and what I look like on the outside matches when I crossdress.
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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RobynD

I think we all need to express ourselves through dress and style. We want to look into the mirror and see an image of the person we understand ourselves to be.

I like what Michelle said about expectations on us. From the bad expectations, comes the desire to go counter to them and be ourselves. We may not have to have the clothes to feel like a woman, but we really want them and heck the rest of the world gets to wear what they desire and is affordable, we should be no exception

I'm a woman so i just dress as is said above. I haven't cross dressed as a guy in a long time, but i'd imagine it would feel sort of strange but i would not feel less feminine overall.


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JeanetteLW

#9
  What they ALL said. Crossdressing, when I felt it was enough, filled a need within me. It gave me a feeling of escape from the pressures of life. I shed my worries for a short time and became a woman without those concerns. Of course I was lying to myself I still had all those issues, but for a short time the world felt right. I could be at peace.
  Now I know I was lying to myself but now I am lying to the world around me by not being who I really am. I am not that man I appear to be and never really have been. I am an imposter crossdressing to appease the world concept of who I am. My concept has changed. I'm not where I want to be yet but I am working on it, Women's clothing is part of that work. It is affirming that this is who I am.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
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davina61

Since I have moved to my flat on my own almost every night after tea and a shower I put on MY clothes , my work clothes are not gender specific so as I wear nickers and a bra underneath I still feel correctly dressed. Sat here in a skirt and patterned top ,breast forms and wig with a bit of jewellery its ME roll on the HRT.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
  • skype:davina61?call
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DawnOday

Was asking myself for 60 years. I think I finally found the answer. Only cost me the woman I swore to love honor and cherish until death. But I believe very strongly, my mother was exposed to DES while I was in utero. The number of symptoms I have are overwhelming. The fact I knew I was different at an early age only reinforces that belief. So for me it was preordained. Not by genetics, not because I chose to be, but bad medicine which has only increased due to hormones being added to the food supply. I tried to ignore the desires and they only came back stronger than ever. I finally did something about it by starting HRT eight months ago. No regrets whatsoever.
Dawn Oday

It just feels right   :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss:

If you have a a business or service that supports our community please submit for our Links Page.

First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17



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Michelle_P

Dawn, I'm another DES baby, and have a similar background right down to ultimately losing my spouse to this. But, we ultimately have to be true to ourselves. The need to do this, the sheer intensity is overwhelming.

I secretly dressed for decades to try and cope. The need to do this became more frequent, until it was daily for the last few years, all in secret. I crashed badly last year, came out to immediate family, and tried to cope by underdressing.

I started therapy. I presented as myself starting with the second session as that was the only way I could be calm enough to communicate well. The marital stress went through the roof. I started HRT and that helped a bit but I still needed to get my presentation right.  It reached the point where having to cross-dress as male brought on intense dysphoria.

The marriage ended, and I went full time. I wish I had been able to be happy with occasional femme presentation, and been able to keep the marriage together, but I simply couldn't make that work. I do have friends that were able to pull it off, and honestly I envy them.

Still, we have to be true to ourselves. No two of us walk the same path, although many face common issues. That's why we share here.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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Mikka55

I used to have this idea feeling the "need" to.  But honestly I wear what ever I feel like.  What I wear doesn't change who I am.

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk



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RachelH

Quote from: Michelle_P on April 13, 2017, 12:41:39 PM
That 'euphoria' some experience when they dress to match their identity isn't really euphoria, but just relief from the worst of the dysphoria for a little while.

Saira has it exactly right:
Michelle, I think that you really nailed it for me.  I never really thought about it in that context but it does seem to make sense. 
Paula
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DawnOday

You know Michelle I have a hard time walking around town as myself. Because at 6'3" it is extremely hard for an introvert to suddenly be stared at and epithets flung at you for something that is out of your control. And believe me I'm a control freak. The other problem I have is that as a woman I cannot without a great deal of restraint keep from dressing over the top. My first experience was dressing in my sisters costumes. and competing with her for compliments. Casual dress for me is viewed as not being my best. Before I go in public I want to be perfectly coiffed, nails perfect, makeup perfect. Jewlery that reflects my taste not just the stuff I scrounged up. Notice I said perfect. In my world that does not exist. Alas here I sit, looking out the window wondering when, not if.
Dawn Oday

It just feels right   :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss:

If you have a a business or service that supports our community please submit for our Links Page.

First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17



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Sinclair

I really don't like the term cross dressing applied to me personally. But, for some, it's an appropriate term. The LGBTQ community is so diverse and I respect all points of view. Cross dressing, moving between male and female appearances is perfectly fine IMO. Some may wish to cross boundaries from time to time and there is nothing wrong with that. For me it's deeper, it's soul dressing. Every fiber in my being feels at home dressed female. It feels natural, dressing/presenting male has always felt awkward.
I love dresses!!
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JoanneB

Quote from: karenk1959 on April 13, 2017, 05:57:17 AM
I have discovered I am a TG woman within the last year. I know that I am in the wrong body with the wrong anatomy. Can anyone explain to me why I have such a strong urge to crossdress? Aren't they just clothes? Does it matter what I look like on the outside if I accept that I identity as a woman on the inside?
While I cannot answer for You... This even older (circa 1956) fossil that has been wrestling with the same demon  can tell you for ME after 50 years of fighting it is been to feel 100% genuine vs the 80% I feel w/o a full female presentation.

Aren't they just clothes? - Yes
The real question is aren't they YOUR clothes?

This is the worse time of year for me here in the northern hemisphere with spring blooming, and seeing all the other women reveling by revealing they are women. I have what they have, but cannot, TODAY. It Sucks! So many tings to balance, so few arms
.          (Pile Driver)  
                    |
                    |
                    ^
(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)
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Sinclair

Quote from: JoanneB on April 13, 2017, 09:17:31 PM
While I cannot answer for You... This even older (circa 1956) fossil that has been wrestling with the same demon  can tell you for ME after 50 years of fighting it is been to feel 100% genuine vs the 80% I feel w/o a full female presentation.

Aren't they just clothes? - Yes
The real question is aren't they YOUR clothes?

This is the worse time of year for me here in the northern hemisphere with spring blooming, and seeing all the other women reveling by revealing they are women. I have what they have, but cannot, TODAY. It Sucks! So many tings to balance, so few arms

*hug* for Joanne ... I get it. Some days I'm in a cage for various reasons. It sucks. Agree that they are my clothes.

A comforting wrap around my body to keep my soul warm in a cold world. They literally make me happy. I get the arguments they are just clothes .. but, for me they are my flag, my manifesto .. who I am.  :icon_chick:
I love dresses!!
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JoanneB

While I usually wore panties, sometimes a cami, even pantyhose about every day for a good part of my life, I never the less needed, what I called, my "escapes from maleness" on about a monthly basis when the GD got to me. High stress times also. I'd spend about the whole day presenting as female at home.
.          (Pile Driver)  
                    |
                    |
                    ^
(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)
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