MTF Being Noticed By Men

[Brenda3156]

I am 10 months into HRT and I still present as male but I have noticed that other men are starting to pay more attention to me. At first I thought I was just imagining it. Yesterday myself and my wife were sitting in a bar and a man came up and hit on me right in front of my wife. I mean the whole bit, striking up a conversation, innocent touching for no reason, openly flirting and being overly friendly. Both myself and my supportive wife enjoyed it but it surprised me. Can men sense the changes in me? Has anyone else had this kind of experience?

[IdontEven]

Yup...some weeks more than others. It was weird to me how I dropped off the radar of the male social hierarchy and the looks I got from guys changed. They started put more effort into looking and holding doors and stuff.

The thing is, I don't pass at all. Don't try to. But, I definitely don't occupy the same social role I once did.

[Kylo]

From the other side... yes. I tend to get hit on by the ladies, which can be slightly more subtle than when a man does it but still screamingly obvious to me with the double perspective we have, haha.

I never used to like people flirting with me, but I'm more relaxed these days and can enjoy it for what it is, even if I've no intention of taking it anywhere. Ironically being a little uninterested tends to make people more keen and curious, doesn't it?

[pretty pauline]

Welcome to womanhood, it will happen, found it a bit unnerving at first, then I got used to it and enjoyed the attention, holding doors and giving up seats, some older men are such gentlemen, just enjoy being a woman.

[Daniellekai]

Cripes, don't even need hormones for that much, just growing out hair and exercising the bum area got me to that point, even with a beard I get way more attention without doing anything differently, it has to be something that happens to men on a subconscious level when they see even a few female gender queues...

[Dani]

All the time now. This is what I wanted anyway, so I am happy with the attention.

[jentay1367]

I think guys lizard brains can smell the pheromones from the massive amount of girl dope that were on. I'm sure many of them wonder why they liked us so much when... to them, we're just other guys. Noticed it myself after a time. Must say, it is weird. I was presenting as a guy in a bar with a female friend. An obviously straight guy walks up to me and says he's never seen me here before. Says he likes to buy "new people" a beer and putting his hand on my shoulder and arm. It was a little disconcerting and made me kind of anxious. I got a good dose of what the average woman has to deal with everyday. Male privilege generally allows you to go through life ignored. Once you adopt the female social role, it can get real weird. The average guy would definitely consider the experiences you'll have as a violation of his space. Part of the territory I suppose. And it's going to happen.

[Edina]

Male privilege generally allows you to go through life ignored.

Not sure if I would consider "being ignored" a privilege. In my experience, being ignored has significant downsides.

[RobynD]

I have seen it more and more and by about 10-12 months in, i was seeing it pretty regularly. I don't mind it as long as people are cool and polite. Gay guys use to hit on me often before transition, so i just traded one demographic with a couple of others.

I find a lot of guys respond to flirting in a way i wasn't expecting - in that i mean it is instantly noticed and either immediately shut down or immediately responded to. That is pretty interesting. I too believe there is something chemical and biological in all of this.

[jentay1367]

Not sure if I would consider "being ignored" a privilege. In my experience, being ignored has significant downsides.

It's not...it's just the way it works in guy land. We women get butt hurt when were ignored.... Least ways, I do....lol.

[Michelle_P]

It is an odd feeling when we first realize that men are, well, checking us out and not staring at the odd looking person.  I suspect that as we change the visible gender cues a bit we trigger responses in others.  I'm slowly learning how to handle the eye contact and similar cues I seem to be getting from men.

I also suspect that there are scent cues at work.  Sitting in a club dinner surrounded by men, I started seeing some... interesting behaviors around me.  Swapping testosterone out for estradiol seems to have changed my scent noticeably.

Flirt gestures related to eye contact are really odd things to play with.  I get stared at, make eye contact for a second, look down and to one side and smile, then make eye contact again for a half second while smiling...  and the guy starts blushing.  Fascinating!

[IdontEven]

Yeah, the scent/pheremone thing is STRONG. Some poor guys get really confused

I get odd looks from women I don't know but am in close proximity to for a few minutes sometimes too. I haven't quite figured out what that look is, but I've seen it several times. I almost think it's an "ahhhh, I get it!" moment, but hard to be sure.

I dunno, my life trips me the hell out pretty much constantly these days. The being ignored thing as a guy was a lot less confusing than all these meaningful looks.

[findingreason]

Oddly enough I've seldom been hit on or flirted with by people I do not know, pre-transition and post-transition. I don't know why at all---it may be how I hold myself, I don't like being flirted with and maybe I have demeanor about me that people pick up on. I'm glad guys don't try to flirt with me, because I find them gross anyway...

[JMJW]

It's not...it's just the way it works in guy land. We women get butt hurt when were ignored.... Least ways, I do....lol.

"Ignored" needs to be defined specifcally here. When feminists say "being ignored" is a privilege. They're talking about sexual harassment. There aren't many human beings who think being romantically ignored full stop is anything but depressing.

[jentay1367]

Clarification time. If you're a man, you're pretty much ignored in the world. Nobody is opening doors for you. It's rare conversation is solicited. Women give you zero time unless they're interested in you. As a woman, men flirt, other women you don't know smile and nod and often even  start conversations. That's been my experience at any rate. I've heard it stated by FTMs, that they had no idea that once male, they would no longer be spoken to by complete strangers and that they had no idea that the world pretty much ignored men. This was my point.

[Kylo]

Yes, on point.

I find it better to be left alone to my own devices than have people assume I can't look after myself, need walking home, want company, compliments, or help. It's always been my policy to do as much as I can by myself. No culture shock here. Even before transition I was treated as mildly intimidating by strangers and they'd usually go talk to someone else before me. Which was fine. Depends on what you want and expect, really, whether your new place in the world is better or worse.

But I've seen some find it disconcerting. And lonely.

[RobynD]

Clarification time. If you're a man, you're pretty much ignored in the world. Nobody is opening doors for you. It's rare conversation is solicited. Women give you zero time unless they're interested in you. As a woman, men flirt, other women you don't know smile and nod and often even  start conversations. That's been my experience at any rate. I've heard it stated by FTMs, that they had no idea that once male, they would no longer be spoken to by complete strangers and that they had no idea that the world pretty much ignored men. This was my point.

I'm not sure i am in agreement. Women came up to me often. I was asked to dance. I had drinks sent to me. My own spouse flirted so strong with me that when i finally asked her out she was like " i didn't think you liked as more than a friend because you never responded" . Still i was often the pursuer because i knew that was what was expected of me, so i did it and became comfortable with it

i do agree though that there is an intimidation factor with some people and that factor is sometimes created by how they carry themselves, how communicative they are, body language etc.

[jentay1367]

I'm not sure i am in agreement. Women came up to me often. I was asked to dance. I had drinks sent to me. My own spouse flirted so strong with me that when i finally asked her out she was like " i didn't think you liked as more than a friend because you never responded" . Still i was often the pursuer because i knew that was what was expected of me, so i did it and became comfortable with it

i do agree though that there is an intimidation factor with some people and that factor is sometimes created by how they carry themselves, how communicative they are, body language etc.

Then I suspect you were very "handsome". There are always exceptions to everything. Pretty people of both sexes have an easier time in life and metaphoric doors of all type and fashion are opened for and to them.

[josie76]

Definately something different going on. Nobody hits on me but women will sometimes just start conversations seemingly out of the blue. Also noticed when in close setting with a guy, they don't keep the "normal" personal space that I'm used to. Even if looking like a guy there has to be something to the Oder thing.

[Daniellekai]

I'm not sure i am in agreement. Women came up to me often. I was asked to dance. I had drinks sent to me. My own spouse flirted so strong with me that when i finally asked her out she was like " i didn't think you liked as more than a friend because you never responded" . Still i was often the pursuer because i knew that was what was expected of me, so i did it and became comfortable with it

i do agree though that there is an intimidation factor with some people and that factor is sometimes created by how they carry themselves, how communicative they are, body language etc.

I'm so uncomfortable as the pursuer, I can't do it well at all, I have no idea what to say first, no idea when to be physical, etc, I generally compensate by waiting slightly too long so it's clear that it's ok, I don't get approached at all because apparently I come off as hating people and socializing, really I'm just in my head trying to figure out what a man would and wouldn't do here.