Asexuality and the lost of ability to orgasm.

[PhoenixGurl2016]

Is there anyone else who have had this happen with them after surgery? If so how do you cope? How do you come to peace with it and how/if do you over come it?

I am 133 days post op and I don't feel anything. No lust, no pleasure, and no interest except only feeling broken.

[jujubes1986]

Is there anyone else who have had this happen with them after surgery? If so how do you cope? How do you come to peace with it and how/if do you over come it?

I am 133 days post op and I don't feel anything. No lust, no pleasure, and no interest except only feeling broken.

I felt like that for awhile.... cuz I didn't think I was gonna orgasm... and I think 2 weeks ago.... I finally orgasmed.... I watch porn to do it.... my libido is for sure very low but now that I k ow my
Plumbing works I'm happy again!!! You'll get there... it's hard at first...


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[Miss Clara]

Don't worry.  It took me a full year to experience my first orgasm.  When it finally happened it took me by surprise.  One thing for sure -- when it happens you'll know it! 

So what was the formula?  Sexual arousal.  For the longest time nothing aroused me.  Not touch, not human intimacy, not pornography, nothing.  I figure it was lost forever.

Don't ask me what changed.  I really don't know.  It was not for lack of sensory function.  I was sensate very early on post-op.  It all starts in the brain, and for some reason it took a long time for my brain to figure out what the heck happened!  LOL. 

When you get there, you're going to love it.  It's different than a male's orgasm.  There's no spasming or pulsating like guys do.  There's a build up, and it takes time to get there.  Some days it just won't happen.  I never really know for sure.  When it does happen, I feel it rise slowly.  Then, it takes off like a rocket.  I'm still learning how to control it.  Climax is very intense, my heart rate rises, and my breathing becomes heavy.  I've never felt anything like it.

Don't expect it to be like male orgasm.  A healthy guy can always reach orgasm, and when it over, it's over.  I mean the desire is gone.  Not so for woman.  We're slow to come and slow to go, if you know what I mean. 

[apsharas]

120 days post-op today, and well... No news, but that the truth is that I have only tried once. The only time I have managed to achieve or get close to it, the new genitalia was not involved.

I guess I can, but the real problem is that I can't get aroused or build up libido. If I tried, or maybe with another person... For nor I'm postponing it until it retains the width and I don't need to dilate before doing anything (the biggest libido killer), and maybe with some therapy I can get my mind to collaborate. My asexuality does not seem to be a natural thing.

[jfong]

From my experience, try to look back and remember what arouse you pre-op, use it as a stepping stone or even just a general idea where you should dig around. It takes time but it won't happen if you don't put any effort into it. I didn't get mine until around 4-5 months post and that after trying numerous times with some false results but I didn't give up. Now it is...efffinnn ahhhmazhing if u know what I mean.

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[warlockmaker]

I would not be concerned. I had 2 other girl friends having srs at the same time. Both were younger and both had clitoral orgasms after 4 months and sex after 6 months. I on the other hand was like you. But as the new vagina healed and I developed the bravery to rub harder I began to feel a new sensation of sexual arousal from the vagina area. Not like a hard on. I was given a vibrator by a friend, and one day watching a porn video. stoned, i used my vibrator and had my first orgasm. Took a long time. Well I masturbate regularly and once you figure it out and your brain is rewired,, the orgasms are reached faster. Later, around a year after srs, i had my first inside vagina G spot orgasm. I thought the clitoral orgasm was incredible but wow wow, the G spot was just out of the world. The G spot is our prostate. It takes longer, its so much more intense and we dont need it nor think about sex 24/7.

[jujubes1986]

When you get there, you're going to love it.  It's different than a male's orgasm.  There's no spasming or pulsating like guys do.  There's a build up, and it takes time to get there.  Some days it just won't happen.  I never really know for sure.  When it does happen, I feel it rise slowly.  Then, it takes off like a rocket.  I'm still learning how to control it.  Climax is very intense, my heart rate rises, and my breathing becomes heavy.  I've never felt anything like it.

Don't expect it to be like male orgasm.  A healthy guy can always reach orgasm, and when it over, it's over.  I mean the desire is gone.  Not so for woman.  We're slow to come and slow to go, if you know what I mean. 

Interesting... when I orgasm... it feels pretty much the same as when I was pre op... spasm, pulsating, the works...


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[El]

Interesting... when I orgasm... it feels pretty much the same as when I was pre op... spasm, pulsating, the works...


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There is some difference for me, it lasts a little longer and feels a little.... wider? but for the most part it's pretty similar to before for me too.

[El]

Also if anything I'm quicker to arrive at my destination now. I've quickly got into the habit of doing it just after I dilate and it takes me maybe 5 minutes?

[jfong]

Also if anything I'm quicker to arrive at my destination now. I've quickly got into the habit of doing it just after I dilate and it takes me maybe 5 minutes?

Makes dilation fun again isn't it? Lol.
That's one of the drive for me not to be lazy in dilating.

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[jfong]

I would not be concerned. I had 2 other girl friends having srs at the same time. Both were younger and both had clitoral orgasms after 4 months and sex after 6 months. I on the other hand was like you. But as the new vagina healed and I developed the bravery to rub harder I began to feel a new sensation of sexual arousal from the vagina area. Not like a hard on. I was given a vibrator by a friend, and one day watching a porn video. stoned, i used my vibrator and had my first orgasm. Took a long time. Well I masturbate regularly and once you figure it out and your brain is rewired,, the orgasms are reached faster. Later, around a year after srs, i had my first inside vagina G spot orgasm. I thought the clitoral orgasm was incredible but wow wow, the G spot was just out of the world. The G spot is our prostate. It takes longer, its so much more intense and we dont need it nor think about sex 24/7.

Albeit I could also reach G-O but it is pale in comparison with the C-O. Combined they are awesome. I might need to do more solo G training to make it better.

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[El]

Makes dilation fun again isn't it? Lol.
That's one of the drive for me not to be lazy in dilating.

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Again? :p

I agree it makes it less of a chore though!

[Miss Clara]

Interesting... when I orgasm... it feels pretty much the same as when I was pre op... spasm, pulsating, the works...

Yes, it is.  The strong ejaculation spasms that I used to have are completely absent.  My orgasms are more of a relatively rapid but continuous rise of clitoral sensation that reaches a plateau of intense pleasure which lasts several seconds, and then a similar climb down.   I'm learning how to stay on the plateau longer.  I've heard other girls talk about waves of pleasure during orgasm.  Could the 'pulsating' that you experience be what others call 'waves'?   I have not experienced them.  Frankly, I'm glad my female orgasms are not at all like what I used to have.

[jujubes1986]

Yes, it is.  The strong ejaculation spasms that I used to have are completely absent.  My orgasms are more of a relatively rapid but continuous rise of clitoral sensation that reaches a plateau of intense pleasure which lasts several seconds, and then a similar climb down.   I'm learning how to stay on the plateau longer.  I've heard other girls talk about waves of pleasure during orgasm.  Could the 'pulsating' that you experience be what others call 'waves'?   I have not experienced them.  Frankly, I'm glad my female orgasms are not at all like what I used to have.

I guess everyone is different... mine feels pretty much the same just not as strong...


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[Rachel]

I had my first orgasm 5.5 months post op. I had no real desire and I thought I was broken.

I had tried to have an orgasm 3 or so times and purchased 3 dildoes. I forced trying to have an orgasm. Since I was younger I only orgasmed  while thinking I am with a guy. I never fantasized being with a woman. Yet masturbating was very different now; it took work. When I started I was massaging my prostate with the dildo but it did not feel erogenous. I tried to massage my clitoris (exposed at the time but have had labiaplast since then) but it was way to sensitive. I was really frustrated.

I purchased a silicone dildo that is about 6.5 inches in depth and has some ridges (important). I have since purchased glass icicles (oh so good). I massaged my prostrate and did some maximum penetration while massaging my nipples and imagining a guy kissing me and then penetrating me. This took a while so be patient. Next, I noticed my prostrate had feeling and it was nice. I tried my clitoris and it was numbish (odd) so I used my two fingers and rubbed on each side of my clit and my clit became alive with pleasure. I pressed harder on my prostrate and pushed harder on my clit. It felt amazing. I started squirming and thrusting and had a wonderful orgasm.

I realized the feeling I would have in my clit when I walked sometimes was arousal (I know I am a but thick). I associated sexual thoughts with my clit and vaginal canal. Now, thinking about a guy on me gets me hot.

I forgot, there was ample nipple stimulation and lube

Now when I see a hot guy I think I want him bad and I get stimulation from my clit and a warm feeling.

I can not use my clit until 6/15 due to labiaplasty and I have that date reserved for a clitoral orgasm. Tonight I will try for a vaginal orgasm. Thinking back nipples played a big part in getting really Horney.

[PhoenixGurl2016]

I had my first orgasm 5.5 months post op. I had no real desire and I thought I was broken.

I had tried to have an orgasm 3 or so times and purchased 3 dildoes. I forced trying to have an orgasm. Since I was younger I only orgasmed  while thinking I am with a guy. I never fantasized being with a woman. Yet masturbating was very different now; it took work. When I started I was massaging my prostate with the dildo but it did not feel erogenous. I tried to massage my clitoris (exposed at the time but have had labiaplast since then) but it was way to sensitive. I was really frustrated.

I purchased a silicone dildo that is about 6.5 inches in depth and has some ridges (important). I have since purchased glass icicles (oh so good). I massaged my prostrate and did some maximum penetration while massaging my nipples and imagining a guy kissing me and then penetrating me. This took a while so be patient. Next, I noticed my prostrate had feeling and it was nice. I tried my clitoris and it was numbish (odd) so I used my two fingers and rubbed on each side of my clit and my clit became alive with pleasure. I pressed harder on my prostrate and pushed harder on my clit. It felt amazing. I started squirming and thrusting and had a wonderful orgasm.

I realized the feeling I would have in my clit when I walked sometimes was arousal (I know I am a but thick). I associated sexual thoughts with my clit and vaginal canal. Now, thinking about a guy on me gets me hot.

I forgot, there was ample nipple stimulation and lube

Now when I see a hot guy I think I want him bad and I get stimulation from my clit and a warm feeling.

I can not use my clit until 6/15 due to labiaplasty and I have that date reserved for a clitoral orgasm. Tonight I will try for a vaginal orgasm. Thinking back nipples played a big part in getting really Horney.

Sounds complacated. Its been 6 months, I dont even get horny, Im basicly numb. I have given up on it. It was worth the scarifice though.

[Annecy]

1) PreOp preparation for PostOp orgasming
can make a material difference ...
Here's a PreOpPrep suggestion (from another website) I followed:

2) PostOp orgasming is (also) affected by
low/non-existent Testosterone levels ...
(which I also first learned @ some other website)
This month (I am almost 3months PostOp)
I requested that my "PCP" test my HormoneLevels ...
My Testosterone levels were "undetectable" ...
My PCP did a little research and suggested that
we switch my Estrogen from Estradiol to EstraTest ...

There is also an existing: SsP related thread ...

In any case I can (really ) relate
to some of the replies above ...
My first sort of PostOp orgasm sort of (seemingly) happened ...
while I was sleeping ... sort of (the return of) the "dry nocturnal emission" ...

About a week (or so) ago I decided to "try my hand" @ orgasming ...
while dilating ...
(I did (also) avail myself of some "Porn/Aphrodisiac" help ...)
For me ... orgasming was EASY ...

I subsequently "tried my hand" on two other occasions ... successfully ...

Each of the above orgasms was unique/different ...
The first "asleep/dream" orgasm was (seemingly) only in my clit
(kind of like my clit was waking up / recovering from surgery ...)
The 2nd (1st by hand) was again mostly clitoral ...
The 3rd went all the way through my CNS ... (almost) to my brain ...
The 4th was again mostly clitoral ...

I'm now waiting to see what happens with EstraTest ...
and my HormoneLevels ...
and my subsequent orgasming ...

[PhoenixGurl2016]

I find all these post op orgasm stories to be depressing give my inablity to do so.

[Georgette]

Post-Op I never much thought of it.  As I was not very sexual before, and was warned that ones sex life after can be a crap shoot.

For many years I would have orgasms while masturbating.  But as the years have gone on it became less and less.  After my partner, Post MtF TS, died in 2014 my libido has come back with a rage but orgasms are few.  Don't know if there have been any studies on two Post-Menopausal woman living together and there hormonal cycles getting in sync.  As she has not wanted sex for many years so it may have suppressed my libido.

Last year I had what I guess is like a wet dream.  While half sleeping in the morning I will play with myself some times and woke up and had a nocturnal orgasm and ejaculation.  Never much thought about that before as would always use lube for masturbation and could not tell.

My T levels are in the low Post-Menopausal female ranges.  So that may have some bearing on that.  I have heard of some given low levels of T to bring libido and orgasms back.

[Aibhilín]

I can understand your depression, PhoenixGirl. I'm just passed my 1 year post-op mark and even though I've lost the dysphoria associated with having a dick, I feel like it was quite a big sacrifice. I can absolutely relate to the feeling of being broken, as I feel like instead of a dick or vagina, i've got a mess instead, I feel botched. Libido is absolutely non-existent, and as far as sensation goes, I have no idea as I cannot see a clitoris for the life of me, and trust me i've been down there with a flashlight and a mirror. I'm not touching it, because going anywhere near the region feels horrid.  <Language edited by moderator>

Sometimes, I get hit by random spontaneous waves of what I can only describe as a feeling of loss, a loss of functionality I suppose. Nothing arouses me, the thought of any kind of intimate situation makes me squirm with discomfort rather than arousal and excitement. I feel like i've been thrown into some kind of forced asexuality, almost like my brain has just resided itself to the fact that i'm orgasmless and barren, therefore why bother with a libido?

I'm really sorry that you feel the way you do, even more so because I feel like I know your pain, and that makes me so sad. I wish I could give you some kind of hope, but I have no examples of positive changes to go by. I wouldn't go back in time and not have the surgery, as my dysphoria has been relieved quite a bit, but now i'm just lacking in other areas instead lol. If I could rewrite history and make my surgery go better, or make my body accept the change in a better way then I would, but that's not possible. I really don't know what to say in reference to how one overcomes this kind of situation, or accepts it for what it is because I still haven't be able to do that, yet. Who knows, when you're at your 1 year mark+ you might suddenly feel better? I hope you do.