Jared,
I'm so sorry you are going through this with nothing but your mother's psuedo-support. You are incredibly brave. I could only imagine having it in me to solve the problems at 17 that I'm dealing with now nearly a decade later. The same red flag that Sailor Mars mentioned sprung up for me the second I read your update. It's very common for parents of trans-teens/children to attempt to hinder any progress. My own therapist told me about her experience with a teen who was very heavily questioning, had made amazing progress towards acceptance, but never saw the kid again after "her" mom found out they were discussing her gender dysphoria. I could tell how hard it was for my therapist to see that kid stop coming to sessions. You could do some snooping and find out your insurance information (group/I'd number) and call yourself for plan details regarding mental health and gender dysphoria coverage. I would also recommend calling the therapist you met with directly and ask them the same questions. At the very least, they might be able to direct you to an agency or program that can help trans youths.
Great call getting off those anti-depressants. You should never take something like that for someone else. They might be something you or a therapist feel is beneficial or necessary, but you shouldn't be starting them without exhausting other options and working on the root problem of your depression. Coincidentally, depression & anxiety are trademark symptoms of gender dysphoria and tend to alleviate when the dysphoria is treated. That being said, the cause could certainly be multi-faceted. Interestingly enough, studies have shown that transgender children who are permitted to explore & embrace their gender identities are no more likely to suffer from depression than their cis-gender peers and are only marginally more likely to suffer from anxiety. Go figure.
Part of the struggle that trans-people face is that cis-people just simple don't get it. Something I've discussed with my therapist, who has expressed that even though she has studied gender & sexuality, and understands the theory and psychology, she still doesn't understand what it's like to actually process those thoughts & feelings. Based on what you've said, your mother clearly has no grasp on what gender dysphoria actually is.
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So, as far as she is concerned, the end all, be all, really is just body modification. It may be that you need to educate her on the depths of what you are going through. Try looking for documentaries like the Nat Geo one that just released recently or personal stories from other trans people who you find you can relate to and present them to her. I know that it can feel like the people around you are trying to play gate keeper or that they are acting with malintent, it's often that the revelation you took so long to come to terms with yourself is more than they are ready to process themselves or that they just simply don't have the tools to understand. Sometimes we have to help them along.
Now, if your own personal experience has been anything like mine in the slightest, you might just detest even the thought of this; but you're almost 18. In a little over a year you will be out of high school and onto the working world or college. If you aren't able to be yourself under your parents' roof, you will be soon enough. I would suggest doing thorough research about transitioning, find a part time job (now is primetime to start applying for the summer spots before the college kids get them) and start putting money away to kick-start your transition. First thing though, therapy can really help and I definitely wouldn't give up on that. If you can't see a "gender therapist" do some reading online and call around, find a therapist who is covered by your insurance who might have some experience with trans clients. Even if they aren't and expert, per se. Tell your mom you want to see them about your depression, you've probably got a good excuse being off the medication she wanted you on. You can still discuss your dysphoria with them in confidence and get the ball rolling towards whatever path is best for you.
Best wishes!
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