Do you integrate your male & female sides?

[karenk1959]

I am a male who has strong urges to be a woman and I wish had female anatomy, but I have a similar problem in knowing how to integrate the two in that I have been married for many years. My wife doesn't like my crossdressing. I feel that I must make a sacrifice to preserve my marriage. I would be seriously depressed if I was alone. I can picture myself alone in my own place and crying as I stand in front of a mirror looking at myself in a bra and panties. So, I feel good acknowledging that I want to be a woman. It is an important step to admit the way you truly are. I don't know you, but for me I use to rationalize my crossdressing as a release or stress reducer. I think you might want to ask yourself if your crossdressing is your desire to be a woman. Do you like what you see in the mirror or wish your anatomy to be different. The first step is to be true to yourself. The next step is to decide what you will do about it. I don't want to have surgery or play with hormones. I have had too many health issues in the past. I don't want to give up my relationship with my wife and children. When it comes down to it, clothes are just clothes and society has decided which ones we wear. I Hope that helps.

[Sophia Sentiment]

Nice question, good on you for asking.

I'm pretty hard binary female so in some ways guess I am quite lucky for having "always known". I don't have a male side but I do sometimes feel more comfortable expressing myself in ways that might be considered "masculine". For example, I do weight lifting. I don't consider this a "masculine" or "butch" thing, I do it because I like to keep fit and enjoy it. But it is the sort of thing I would have avoided when I was presenting male full-time. Now (although I have my problems) I am much more secure as a woman and am less concerned if I do things others see as "male" because otherwise I live more authentically. I think this is about as close as I get to having experiences like your own.

[aa0810]

"If your ultimate goal would be to 'pass' in public as a woman, then aren't you pretending one way or the other? Either you identify as male and pretend to be a woman in public, or you identify as female and your 'real' life as a male is pretending.  Why do you want to pretend?"

Hi Charlie,
For me it's almost like two different people... almost complete separate from one another.  I say almost because it's difficult being beautiful without a lot of work so my guy identity helps out and has morphed to more of a metrosexual type but just as it pertains to being "especially meticulous about grooming and appearance".  So other than sharing some unisex grooming products the two are separate...  even so far as we have separate phone numbers, cell phones, computers, clothing, closets, etc.  Oh... and to be honest I've stopped trying to keep our underwear drawers separated to a certain extent (relatively recent development) but only my cotton panties coexist with his Jockey mens bikini undies - all my pettier undies are still segregated.

So what does that look like?  It looks like a well groomed guy who is pretty well put together who has a rigorous grooming regimen and moisturizing routine... one that you might find on any given day wearing women's cotton panties and trouser socks.  It also looks like your typical girl who likes to look her best in all situations and may be wears a little too much makeup for some occasions (electrolysis would help there). 

I realize that it may sound silly but I feel like a woman (with all that implies) when I'm in girl mode so I'm not sure I'm pretending. 

Hugs,

Alisa

[RobynD]

My sides really never felt non-integrated. To me, i was an evolution of one person, with many of the same interests through my life etc. Much changed, but much remained the same.

[Rayna]

This is a great question, thanks!

I too feel in-between.  I like what Jin and Tasha said about dressing as a mix or ambiguously.  I will try some of that.

Sophia, as far as weight lifting, you should see my Body Pump class at the YMCA.  Literally 75% women, all ages.  And it's a kick-butt class -- I'm always beat when I finish.  So don't feel like weights are a male thing.

Randy

[MaryXYX]

Fiona just drew my attention to this thread.  I was a cross dresser for a short time and we did have two distinct personalities.  Even to the extend that our therapist would have sessions with either of us.  I'm using 'DID' (used to be 'MPD') terminology because that is how we saw ourselves.  It was when I finished a session with our T and realised I would have to cross dress as male to go home to my family that it was game over.  Now I'm just a woman with an unusual medical history.  The male personality disappeared quite quickly although I suppose quite large parts of him have been absorbed.

[Jamie 65]

I am Jamie when I dress and Jimmy when I'm drab.  I don't think I will ever be dressed in public because my wife can not handle it.  At home is fine but she wants her man in public.  That's fine with me because everyone has to compromise right?  She is a sweetheart and she even buys me stuff.  However I get off the subject, if this means anything I have noticed that when I walk in women's shoes and my skirts I tend to shake my hips more and feel more feminine it feels natural.  Then when Im in drab.  I am in the military so I have to wear a uniform and walk the line if you know what I mean.   So not really integrated but what the future holds who knows.............

[MaryXYX]

I noticed the change of mannerisms and movement as well.  I never tried to move as a woman - I think it might be more accurate to say I stopped taking care to move like the man I never really was.  My speech is quite feminine now.  I did a lot of work on my voice, and still sing bass in the church choir, but it has become natural.

I believe my wife had already decided it was over before she found out I was dressing.  That was just "reasonable grounds" for a divorce.  Being true to our real selves can cost a lot, it lost me most of my family.

[baseballfan]

While I don't really have a good answer, I just want to say that your question really got me thinking.  Thank you.

[EvelynD]

Its difficult for me as i literally live two lives, one at home and one at work (i work away at sea) but i think of it like this as I'm sort of a womans brain driving a mans body when im at work, at home though I'm more of a badly dressed, unatractive woman 

I need to get into shape before i find the real me, so i may have to get back to you when the real integration begins 

[JulieOnHerWay]

Charlie
Damn the most innocent questions...
As I am only out to my therapist this is a bit limited in experience, but yes, I integrate my male and female sides in physical ways.  Almost everyday I am at least under-dressed.  Most days more so.  And even the other day I fully dressed in female sized clothes even if they were androgynous, to do my daily run-around.  Even the big box discounter.  No side looks or OMG, its a dude remarks.  Baby steps but steps.
While this is good, I know what I have done I do not want to stop and want more femininity in my daily life.  And then once a full dose of E may accelerate things. 
so for now the adding feminine where I can satisfies my needs, i know it is not the end.

[Karrie]

Both sides are who I am. Each side takes their turn as life rolls out.

Karrie

[Jamie 65]

Both sides are who I am. Each side takes their turn as life rolls out.

Karrie

I like this answer.  I love being manly and effeminate with my wife.  We have a great time with it.