Hi! :)

[femfem]

Hi everyone!!

I stumbled upon this site while doing some research, and figured it would be appropriate for me to drop by and at least say hello. I have lots of questions, and could use the support, speaking even as a transitioned trans girl.

Anyway, I don't tend to divulge my name on the internet, because of my job, so I just go by K.C., which are my initials ha. I'm a 23-year-old trans woman, and I started my transition three years ago. I've been legally female since May, and I'm fortunate in being able to say that my landlord and co-workers don't even know that I'm transgender. Life has been a lot easier this way (I.e., being somewhat in stealth).

I've not had any operations done, but I will have the money for them in around a year. Will be happy to report on my experiences in undergoing transition-related operations once that time finally comes.

A little more about me: I have a degree in computer science, and I work as a data analyst (and love it). I'm into drag performance (something I don't do seriously quite yet), as well as traveling. I am self-taught in Spanish, and also know some Romanian, owing to being a very bored individual.

I feel that I could offer ample advice to younger trans women, and I also could derive a lot of advice from you all. I am successful basically because I had no choice, and I could allude to the downtrodden tone of my adult life by admitting that I am estranged from my entire family, and spent some time in a psychiatric ward near the beginning of my transition. I also found myself performing odd jobs, at one point, just to make ends meet so that I could afford hormones and medical treatment while in university. So, that's me for you!

Have a good day, everyone!!
K.C.

[Rachel_Christina]

Welcome to the site.
Being passable like that must be such a stress relief.
I hope someday to get my voice right and just blend away
<3
And at 23 bieng 3 years on hormones, go you

[Aurorasky]

Heyheya!! 

I am a 20 year old girl, I started at HRT at 18!! My family was also very unaccepting so I had to fight a lot, work many jobs to get where I am. I got the Money to change my name at 19 and that was when my parents accepted me. Now I am in university studying to become a nurse, and nobody knows But I am still pre-op so yeah it's challenging and I would like to ask what your dating experience is like. Because even though I get called pretty (and catcalled, harrassed a lot too, ugh), I really don't feel confidente enough to date and I want to offer more than my looks, so I am focussing on improving myself and learning new things, helping people so I have more life experience.

Transition was really draining. You are always anxious to get what you need and live, but have to deal with annoying setbacks and sometimes gatekeepers. So, in beginning I thought a lot about transness but over time these thoughts have diluted. The only times I think about it are: when I have an appointment, when I shower/go to the toilet, or a cute guy asks me on a date. I think, after SRS, I will live mostly a stealthy life like you but still deciding to what degree.

Thanks for helping baby ts's like me! Lol.

[Saira128]

Hi KC !! Welcome to the site. I am 21 yrs old, and still haven't started transitioning. I am still undergoing paychiatric evaluation.
      I am going to be admitted in a psych ward for 10 days, to control my depression. I hope I can start hrt soon.
      This here is a lovely group of helpful people. You'll get whatever help you need.
     You can call me Saira btw. That's not my name, but something I plan on using after transitioning.
       I would love to get some tips from you and we can share our experiences.
   

[Michelle_P]

Hi, K.C.!

Congratulations on making such a good start and even getting the legal stuff done.  That can be tricky some places.  I think it's neat that you are out there and living life as yourself.

I hope you feel welcome here.  We actually have an "Introductions" area, and I'm going to move your thread over there so more folks will see it.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to take a look, please take a moment to go through them.

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

[femfem]

Heyheya!! 

I am a 20 year old girl, I started at HRT at 18!! My family was also very unaccepting so I had to fight a lot, work many jobs to get where I am. I got the Money to change my name at 19 and that was when my parents accepted me. Now I am in university studying to become a nurse, and nobody knows But I am still pre-op so yeah it's challenging and I would like to ask what your dating experience is like. Because even though I get called pretty (and catcalled, harrassed a lot too, ugh), I really don't feel confidente enough to date and I want to offer more than my looks, so I am focussing on improving myself and learning new things, helping people so I have more life experience.

Transition was really draining. You are always anxious to get what you need and live, but have to deal with annoying setbacks and sometimes gatekeepers. So, in beginning I thought a lot about transness but over time these thoughts have diluted. The only times I think about it are: when I have an appointment, when I shower/go to the toilet, or a cute guy asks me on a date. I think, after SRS, I will live mostly a stealthy life like you but still deciding to what degree.

Thanks for helping baby ts's like me! Lol.

Lol awh.. so cute. Well, you started even younger than I did, so yay for you! I was socially transitioning at 19, though (before I started HRT), so I know both what it's like to attend university as a non-passing trans woman and as a passing trans woman. I'm still technically in university, btw, just in my last semester and interning.

Anyhow, as far as dating guys goes, it can be really painful, admittedly. You really, really have to watch out for yourself in this regard, because there are a lot of guys who generally only want one thing from young trans women: a fling. I endured a lot of heartbreak and humiliation because of it towards the beginning of my transition. I remember one time---I was only 21---I had a guy over to my dorm, and he had brainwashed me with all of these sentiments about how he'd treat me just like any other woman, and he didn't want to have sex until I was comfortable...Blah, blah, blah. Ultimately, he forced himself onto me whenever I wasn't ready, I politely said no, he immediately got up, put his shoes on, left, and stopped talking to me. He was Lesson 1 of a few dozen before I started to toughen up and mature in respect to dating.

Another profound problem I've experienced, as far as dating goes, are those who fetishize me... I have, over the months I've been transitioning, tried to help those who suffer from gender dysphoria. Unfortunately, many of such people have tried to date me, or have called me at 2:00am, asking for nudes. I get that I'm an anomaly, especially around here, but I don't like being fetishized, particularly by those who say they're also suffering from GD. I eventually reached a point where I wouldn't meet someone in person until having carried on multiple conversations with them on the phone, before meeting them in person. I was really protective for awhile.

Last summer, I started simply dating guys without outing myself as being trans, which I can do because I just look like a somewhat tall girl, and am very slender. That worked well, except it was obviously dangerous, and I felt really inauthentic. I even made out with some dude who still doesn't realize that I'm trans, and it will be that way his entire life.

The solution to this obvious dating dilemma has been very surprising: I've come to terms with how I need to be forthcoming and proud about my transition. Now, on dating sites, I state that I'm trans, and straight guys still message me frequently because I'm attractive. Many don't have experience in being with trans women, so I sometimes have to guide them a little bit. I've dated more guys in the past year than I ever thought possible, tbh. I've still maintained this attitude, though, that if they ask rude questions, or make rude remarks, I run the other way. Some have made an absurdly big deal over me being 5 ft. 9 (oooh...What a giantessI am!), while others have literally put their hand on my genitalia (without my permission) while driving me to our first date. They must think that, because I have a slightly harder time finding men than do regular women, they can take advantage of me. You have to be so protective of yourself while dating dudes that it's unreal.

That being said, if you want to remain stealth, as far as school goes, don't date anyone you go to school with. I've managed to remain stealthed for two years now, in respect to my university, and it has required me to be very careful. I even had this classmate in my apartment to study with me the other day (he obviously just wanted help---not sex), and I found myself putting all rainbow-themed wall decorations into my closet so that he couldn't even remotely suspect anything. I've been walking on glass lol.

I never want to get SRS, btw, so this more unorthodox lifestyle is going to be mine forever... ha. SRS generally scares me, and I have never, ever had dysphoria about that portion of my body. So, I surely will have mastered dating as a trans woman in another couple of years or so, because my situation down there isn't ever changing. Hope that was an interesting read, at the least... lol..

K.C.

[femfem]

Welcome to the site.
Being passable like that must be such a stress relief.
I hope someday to get my voice right and just blend away
<3
And at 23 bieng 3 years on hormones, go you

Awh thanks. Yeah, I sort of, in a sense, forget that I'm trans a lot of the time. I'm very lucky because I started while young, and was crazy-feminine to begin with. Good luck with the voice, btw. I definitely had a high-pitched voice pre-transition, but it wasn't female... I sounded like a super-gay guy to people in my vicinity for about 18 months. Finally, I devoted the time to training my voice, and now I can't sound like a guy if I wanted to. Things are soooo much easier once you finally get the voice trained; I can speak up whenever I want now, and people just hear a woman.
K.C.

[femfem]

Hi KC !! Welcome to the site. I am 21 yrs old, and still haven't started transitioning. I am still undergoing paychiatric evaluation.
      I am going to be admitted in a psych ward for 10 days, to control my depression. I hope I can start hrt soon.
      This here is a lovely group of helpful people. You'll get whatever help you need.
     You can call me Saira btw. That's not my name, but something I plan on using after transitioning.
       I would love to get some tips from you and we can share our experiences.
   

Hi Saira,

I am sorry to hear this... I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but I've experienced a psychiatric ward. My struggles have been extremely hard to endure, and have manifested in (diagnosed) bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. Gender dysphoria and its stigma can wreak havoc on a person.

Good luck with your transition, and I am willing to offer as much advice as is needed! Lord knows I have a lot worth sharing!!!

K.C.

[Rachel_Christina]

Yep, it's my next challenge.
I think I look OK, but If i was able to speak up female, it would put any notions anyone might have to rest.
I just love stories of girls like you, or a few others I follow on Instagram, seeing them in perfectly female friends groups and they are so happy in there, I hope someday I will get there.
Even a friend would be a start lol sad... Haha

[V M]

Hi K.C. 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[femfem]

Yep, it's my next challenge.
I think I look OK, but If i was able to speak up female, it would put any notions anyone might have to rest.
I just love stories of girls like you, or a few others I follow on Instagram, seeing them in perfectly female friends groups and they are so happy in there, I hope someday I will get there.
Even a friend would be a start lol sad... Haha

No, you look fantastic, not just ok!!! And regarding having regular female friends, you'd probably be surprised how difficult that has been for me. I just have one cis-female friend (and she isn't aware that I'm trans), and idk how to go about making more. I desperately need them because most guys will only be friends with me to the extent that they get sex or cuddling from me. I have to admit, though, that it is really interesting having a cis-female friend who treats me like I'm a cis female myself. The other day she giggled during class because I had a hiccup, and she told me it was cute.

Obviously, I lived as a guy for a lot of my life (even though most of my adult life has been spent as a woman), and I innately wondered, "Wait, is this chick flirting with me or something??" Then I came back to Earth and realized that I'm a chick myself, and that's how chicks treat other chicks... lol.

K.C.

[JeanetteLW]

  Hi K C,

  I'm Jeanette and can only wish I realized I was trans when I was young. But pack then the word don't even exist I think. I am mtf also and ar 64 years I have just recently begun to transition. I shall never know the trials and tribulations that you young girls have to contend with in dating.
  I am also a self appointed unofficial greeter for this site somewhat remiss in my duties in greeting you so late. Anyway welcome to Susan's Place, do come in and make yourself comfortable. We a glad you are here. I'm sure by now you've figured out how to peruse the posts and found other support information on the site. So I need not tell you about them. Feel free to read and comment on those posts that interest you and open threads with your own questions. We are here to help.
  With that said I will let you be to look around some more.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Rachel_Christina]

Thanks, I am definitely getting there slowly but sure thanks to the mones and looking after myself for once in my life.
Do you ever think of telling people like that? I would fear if people find out from others they may take it bad?
And that's so funny thinking maybe she is coming onto you have, I am sure that could well happen
We forget we are no longer really the same people. Atleast not looks wise that's for sure.

[femfem]

Thanks, I am definitely getting there slowly but sure thanks to the mones and looking after myself for once in my life.
Do you ever think of telling people like that? I would fear if people find out from others they may take it bad?
And that's so funny thinking maybe she is coming onto you have, I am sure that could well happen
We forget we are no longer really the same people. Atleast not looks wise that's for sure.

Well, I've had bad experiences in telling cis females that I'm trans, actually. I actually had a roommate a year ago, who was cisgender, and I went several months without telling her. She wasn't the most open-minded of people, so in retrospect, I should have *never* come out to her. She was, ultimately, a laughable social work major from a town of around 500, and she regularly reamed against the big city that she is being forced to live in as a university student.

One day, she was going a little overboard in complaining about how her disability alienates her from people, and how I was so, so lucky for being beautiful and whatnot. I told her that I understand alienation (admittedly much more than she does given that she is coddled by her family), and can thus relate. I told her I was trans, and all in all, she outed me to literally everyone who she ever had over to visit. I was stared at left, right, and center, and I wound up breaking the lease and moving elsewhere.

So, no, I don't out myself to cis friends, usually.

K.C.

[Rachel_Christina]

That's so cray, you think she would have valued you so much more for giving her info so personal.
I kinda guess all that notion is from TV or books.
Ultimately in general people will look down on us for being trans :/ how very sad.
In the end we are just girls with maybe an awkward past. Ther are plenty other awkward pasts out there we could have been bestowed.
People are just so damn quick something they can never comprehend.

[Aurorasky]

Lol awh.. so cute. Well, you started even younger than I did, so yay for you! I was socially transitioning at 19, though (before I started HRT), so I know both what it's like to attend university as a non-passing trans woman and as a passing trans woman. I'm still technically in university, btw, just in my last semester and interning.

Thanks for the long, detailed response.

I agree with you that's still difficult to find friends. I often find that I don't fit anywhere - also having frenemies is easy to make. I still feel barred from most girls growing up's life experience, and I told my parents really early but they didn't let me. I am 5'6, have a very feminine voice, light frame and oval face and while this made my transition much easier, it also meant life as boy was hard and full of harassment because people couldn't tell what the eff I was. Well, I worked as a girl before without my name change, nobody knew but there was always the risk which was terrifying. From 18 on I have the most upsetting harassment stories, from fcatcalls to following to harassment at work. So, yeah.

There's a lot of jealousy between girls and women, we are taught we must compete with each other for men's attention and the whole "who's the fairest of them all" game is always on. I also never tell any girl at university of my situation because I know it can be used against me. 

I don't think I will tell I am trans early on precisely because of that - when a guy isn't attached emotionally to you, he will treat you more like a sexual object than not and especially more if they know about your past. You're a cheap prostitute. That's my experience, even if they don't know, I still get treated as such... so yeah. I prefer not telling early on for this reason but my tactic will be to check what their opinions on LGBT folk are.

[femfem]

Thanks for the long, detailed response.

I agree with you that's still difficult to find friends. I often find that I don't fit anywhere - also having frenemies is easy to make. I still feel barred from most girls growing up's life experience, and I told my parents really early but they didn't let me. I am 5'6, have a very feminine voice, light frame and oval face and while this made my transition much easier, it also meant life as boy was hard and full of harassment because people couldn't tell what the eff I was. Well, I worked as a girl before without my name change, nobody knew but there was always the risk which was terrifying. From 18 on I have the most upsetting harassment stories, from fcatcalls to following to harassment at work. So, yeah.

There's a lot of jealousy between girls and women, we are taught we must compete with each other for men's attention and the whole "who's the fairest of them all" game is always on. I also never tell any girl at university of my situation because I know it can be used against me. 

I don't think I will tell I am trans early on precisely because of that - when a guy isn't attached emotionally to you, he will treat you more like a sexual object than not and especially more if they know about your past. You're a cheap prostitute. That's my experience, even if they don't know, I still get treated as such... so yeah. I prefer not telling early on for this reason but my tactic will be to check what their opinions on LGBT folk are.

Your experiences are like mine, to the tee. When I accumulate enough posts on here, I'll be sending you a PM. Thanks for sharing all of that.

[Aurorasky]

Your experiences are like mine, to the tee. When I accumulate enough posts on here, I'll be sending you a PM. Thanks for sharing all of that.

Awww thanks!!! It's really funny the difference in how men treat me though. Am I more of a person now, more respectable? No! But now I'm objectfiable and men will do what it takes to get  in  my pants. These experiences surely don't help and make me feel distrustful of most men. I know not ALL are like that, but many many are.

And yeah I also want to PM you!!!

[femfem]

Awww thanks!!! It's really funny the difference in how men treat me though. Am I more of a person now, more respectable? No! But now I'm objectfiable and men will do what it takes to get  in  my pants. These experiences surely don't help and make me feel distrustful of most men. I know not ALL are like that, but many many are.

And yeah I also want to PM you!!!

Not all are---don't worry. My closest friend is a guy, and he saved me from some of my disastrous circumstances in early-college, and now helps me pay the bills until I get my degree and can work full-time. He's straight, and had never even knowingly spoken to a trans woman before I crossed his path. I thank the world for him, as well as my other two close friends. The key seems to be to only jibe with mature, quality people, and to keep everyone else at arm's length, including not letting them in on the whole trans thing. People prey off of vulnerability (something that coming out as trans to someone definitely results in), so just keep doing what you're doing and masquerading as though your past is like that of all the other women in your vicinity. I have experience in this, obviously lol.
K.C.

[Aurorasky]

Not all are---don't worry. My closest friend is a guy, and he saved me from some of my disastrous circumstances in early-college, and now helps me pay the bills until I get my degree and can work full-time. He's straight, and had never even knowingly spoken to a trans woman before I crossed his path. I thank the world for him, as well as my other two close friends. The key seems to be to only jibe with mature, quality people, and to keep everyone else at arm's length, including not letting them in on the whole trans thing. People prey off of vulnerability (something that coming out as trans to someone definitely results in), so just keep doing what you're doing and masquerading as though your past is like that of all the other women in your vicinity. I have experience in this, obviously lol.
K.C.

It's what I will keep doing. Coming out is very, very vulnerable. I had to come out after being selected for jobs and it was terrifying thing and put in some weird situations with colleagues and bosses, but especially bosses who thought they deserved little treats for keeping my secret... As for the rest, I know not all guys are, but it's hard not to be distrustful. Most men who message me want me to go their homes, but I never do obviously. I have so many guys with girlfriends hitting on me and wanting me to be their booty cal I lost count.