Quote from: Aurorasky on April 22, 2017, 03:06:43 AM
Heyheya!! 
I am a 20 year old girl, I started at HRT at 18!! My family was also very unaccepting so I had to fight a lot, work many jobs to get where I am. I got the Money to change my name at 19 and that was when my parents accepted me. Now I am in university studying to become a nurse, and nobody knows 
But I am still pre-op so yeah it's challenging and I would like to ask what your dating experience is like. Because even though I get called pretty (and catcalled, harrassed a lot too, ugh), I really don't feel confidente enough to date and I want to offer more than my looks, so I am focussing on improving myself and learning new things, helping people so I have more life experience.
Transition was really draining. You are always anxious to get what you need and live, but have to deal with annoying setbacks and sometimes gatekeepers. So, in beginning I thought a lot about transness but over time these thoughts have diluted. The only times I think about it are: when I have an appointment, when I shower/go to the toilet, or a cute guy asks me on a date. I think, after SRS, I will live mostly a stealthy life like you but still deciding to what degree.
Thanks for helping baby ts's like me! Lol.
Lol awh.. so cute. Well, you started even younger than I did, so yay for you! I was socially transitioning at 19, though (before I started HRT), so I know both what it's like to attend university as a non-passing trans woman and as a passing trans woman. I'm still technically in university, btw, just in my last semester and interning.
Anyhow, as far as dating guys goes, it can be really painful, admittedly. You really, really have to watch out for yourself in this regard, because there are a lot of guys who generally only want one thing from young trans women: a fling. I endured a lot of heartbreak and humiliation because of it towards the beginning of my transition. I remember one time---I was only 21---I had a guy over to my dorm, and he had brainwashed me with all of these sentiments about how he'd treat me just like any other woman, and he didn't want to have sex until I was comfortable...Blah, blah, blah. Ultimately, he forced himself onto me whenever I wasn't ready, I politely said no, he immediately got up, put his shoes on, left, and stopped talking to me. He was Lesson 1 of a few dozen before I started to toughen up and mature in respect to dating.
Another profound problem I've experienced, as far as dating goes, are those who fetishize me... I have, over the months I've been transitioning, tried to help those who suffer from gender dysphoria. Unfortunately, many of such people have tried to date me, or have called me at 2:00am, asking for nudes. I get that I'm an anomaly, especially around here, but I don't like being fetishized, particularly by those who say they're also suffering from GD. I eventually reached a point where I wouldn't meet someone in person until having carried on multiple conversations with them on the phone, before meeting them in person. I was really protective for awhile.
Last summer, I started simply dating guys without outing myself as being trans, which I can do because I just look like a somewhat tall girl, and am very slender. That worked well, except it was obviously dangerous, and I felt really inauthentic. I even made out with some dude who still doesn't realize that I'm trans, and it will be that way his entire life.
The solution to this obvious dating dilemma has been very surprising: I've come to terms with how I need to be forthcoming and proud about my transition. Now, on dating sites, I state that I'm trans, and straight guys still message me frequently because I'm attractive. Many don't have experience in being with trans women, so I sometimes have to guide them a little bit. I've dated more guys in the past year than I ever thought possible, tbh. I've still maintained this attitude, though, that if they ask rude questions, or make rude remarks, I run the other way. Some have made an absurdly big deal over me being 5 ft. 9 (oooh...What a giantessI am!), while others have literally put their hand on my genitalia (without my permission) while driving me to our first date. They must think that, because I have a slightly harder time finding men than do regular women, they can take advantage of me. You have to be so protective of yourself while dating dudes that it's unreal.
That being said, if you want to remain stealth, as far as school goes, don't date anyone you go to school with. I've managed to remain stealthed for two years now, in respect to my university, and it has required me to be very careful. I even had this classmate in my apartment to study with me the other day (he obviously just wanted help---not sex), and I found myself putting all rainbow-themed wall decorations into my closet so that he couldn't even remotely suspect anything. I've been walking on glass lol.
I never want to get SRS, btw, so this more unorthodox lifestyle is going to be mine forever... ha. SRS generally scares me, and I have never, ever had dysphoria about that portion of my body. So, I surely will have mastered dating as a trans woman in another couple of years or so, because my situation down there isn't ever changing. Hope that was an interesting read, at the least... lol..
K.C.
