Sorry I'm new here so I don't know how to respond to each individually but I wanted to thank you all for the responses! They were really, really helpful.
I agree that waiting for after the surgery will give me a better sense of who I am and what I want for myself, so it's not super overwhelming and I may feel like I'm losing control.
I've been queer since 13 years old but now over 30 I identify as non-binary and it's a HUGE change for me. SO, I still have a lot of questions and fear that T may take me way too far from what I may want to be but I'm also not 100% sure if that's just because I genuinely don't want to go there or if I'm scared because I want to go there but can't find the courage to!
And yes, I already work out really hard, bodybuilding style so I have good muscles on my pecs.
So, basically yes. I should chill, stop watching so many videos and wait for until after the surgery to think about T lol. I'll do my best cause I feel like I'm going a bit overboard with my thinking.