I am out to most of my family, a few members know my chosen name, but we aren't using my chosen name or he/him...
I want to so badly as when I am in public and perceived male I feel so much better... I feel amazing when I get go out and get coffee/tea/food under my chosen name (I confuse the cashier although as my voice and soft features give me away).... I feel worse when I am referred to as female... I know that I feel better mentally when I present male when I am treated as such, when I can look the part and not have my chest....
But.... I am so scared to socially transition and have my family start using my chosen name/pronouns because I have doubt every day....
I doubt every day if this isn't just me exaggerating a much simpler issue.... maybe it's all in my head and it's not real.... what if I'm not trans...
And I can't seem to reconcile the way I feel when I live life out as a man and the doubt I am feeling. One isn't winning but they live in constant battle with each other.....
I so badly want my mind to be happy but I am scared... I don't want to hurt my family with this, I don't want to hurt myself either...
