Living on the other side.

[Itsdone]

I probably repeat myself sometimes. But if you remember me from the past you will get used to it.
It has been over a year ago since my SRS... a couple years since FFS and I have been on hormones for 40 months now.
My first post on Susans years ago when I started looking at transition I had mentioned I was not sure what path I was taking.
Well now I know.
I am all girl now from head to toe.  My body changed like crazy.  Big hips big butt big boobs and big hair... LOL.. I am blond with blue eyes.
I walk into a club and I stick out.... I suppose in a good way since I am pretty.. but being pretty has its downside too.

Never thought I would say that.
I don't like bra's now.
I dress in jeans and t shirts a lot of the time. I do wear skirts sometimes.. I am all girly girly....but I don't have to wear things to make me feel that way..

Life is good.  Very good but the past is now the past.
The excitement of wanting to be who I am.. who I always was has passed.  I am grateful to be a woman now.  But its funny how you just settle into a normal life.  You have same problems as before.. bills, work... and then being single kind of sucks... but has its good points too.

I would never get caught working on my car in the drive way like I used to do... just feels weird to do some of the things I did in the past.
Having thinner skin to protect is a bummer.. 
I know the hormones changed my brain.. I don't know exactly in what ways but I am so different and so girly now. 
Some people are like how do you do this.. in other words they think I act as if I have been female all my life and I just say... I have always been like this.. this is me.. Say hello to me.... the real me.
We dont realize how hard it is to be fake.. to fake being a guy all those years.. we were so used to doing it.  Its when you are not that anymore that you realize how hard it was.

I am rambling now.

I lost a lot.  A great marriage, all my savings and more to transition. I am broke but I am me.. and that is what counts.  When I started this all I cared about was getting things done.. I wanted to have transition behind me.
And I do.
I am going in for some more body shaping and some eye work and this and that next month. I sing now... LOL.. yep I do.  And I sound very female even with deeper tones. I am an alto.  I am doing a music video soon and some recordings.  I will give everyone hints on how to find it on you tube.

Love
itsdone   KB

[Rayna]

Thank you for your perspective. Many of the people on this site are exploring, pondering, or in early stages. Interesting to hear from another who has settled in to her new life.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[warlockmaker]

I'm around the same stage as you, slightly longer on HRT and srs. Life is normal, I am a real good looking blonde with a great fit slim body and unless I speak up I am never misgendered. However, I am ever so proud to be trans. Always thought I would just be a woman but I now know I will always be the 3rd gender. I'm honest with myself and live the life of my dreams. I remember the angst of being on T. My mental changes have become normal. Like you I avoid activities that before would not bruise my skin but not seem to do so easily. Dress wise, I go to society balls and gala dinners in ball gowns, nightclubs in sexy attire, and jeans when I feel like it. I am sexually bi, like fit young males and fenale but not interested in relationships. I am exceptionally fortunate in being very wealthy and give alot to my charity foundation to help TGs in Asia. Looks like life is goid for both of us. I wish you a continued happy and normal life.

[Shy]

I have always been like this.. this is me.. Say hello to me.... the real me.

Love
itsdone   KB

Hello you

Peace and love and all that good stuff

Sadie

[Itsdone]

I'm around the same stage as you, slightly longer on HRT and srs. Life is normal, I am a real good looking blonde with a great fit slim body and unless I speak up I am never misgendered. However, I am ever so proud to be trans. Always thought I would just be a woman but I now know I will always be the 3rd gender. I'm honest with myself and live the life of my dreams. I remember the angst of being on T. My mental changes have become normal. Like you I avoid activities that before would not bruise my skin but not seem to do so easily. Dress wise, I go to society balls and gala dinners in ball gowns, nightclubs in sexy attire, and jeans when I feel like it. I am sexually bi, like fit young males and fenale but not interested in relationships. I am exceptionally fortunate in being very wealthy and give alot to my charity foundation to help TGs in Asia. Looks like life is goid for both of us. I wish you a continued happy and normal life.

Warlockmaker,
So good to hear your voice even though its through the keyboard. We know each other well. I did my surgery in Thailand.  And you took me out to a couple dinner clubs and the food was so good. I will never forget it.  I had my friend with me .. remember when she fell in the train.  I never saw anyone fall so gracefully. Not one person on the train laughed but me and her.. LOL   I love her so much.  My stay in Thailand was the best month of my life. And you made it even better.
I changed my name on Susans.. I am stealth for now or trying to go stealth.  Too many of my old posts show up on google with my name.. which I have changed legally now.
I do have something happening next year that will thrust me into the spotlight nationally in the USA.. can't say what.. so at that point I will be out to the world.  I just don't want my discussions that are very personal on here to be viewed my anyone... I should have used an fake name when I posted in the past.  I love you girl... Love love love.

[HereComesTheRain]

We dont realize how hard it is to be fake.. to fake being a guy all those years.. we were so used to doing it.  Its when you are not that anymore that you realize how hard it was.

As someone who's just starting to work on transitioning, this is something that surprised me. I thought I was going to basically have to re-learn how to walk around and carry myself, only to realize that's the natural way I want to carry myself and I've been constantly fighting against it.

[Itsdone]

As someone who's just starting to work on transitioning, this is something that surprised me. I thought I was going to basically have to re-learn how to walk around and carry myself, only to realize that's the natural way I want to carry myself and I've been constantly fighting against it.

Here comes the rain,
Everyone is different. My behavior started not long after taking hormones.  But I want to go more in depth with what I think happens.

This is my experience.. I speak for no one else.

So I start hormones and I go to therapy. I am so excited to be on my way to changing.  I went through this awkward stage 6 months to 9 months into it.  I lost 80 lbs.. my hair was growing. People thought I was a young male..
I knew I had to go full time for a year to get my SRS done so at the one year mark of starting hormones I had FFS.  I went full time after that.  Immediately.
Clothing was awkward.  It was like any girl going through puberty. I started acting immature.  I was really mentally becoming a young woman.
I did not realize it at the time.  I am sure I had issues passing.. Confidence was low. I was scared.  I hated my voice. I just was scared to death to go in public.
As time passes, your brain changes to what It should have been had you gone through puberty as a girl.  At least that is what I think happened to me.
You become more emotional.  You cry a lot.  I cried my butt off.  Even today one week out of every month I am an emotional basket case. You start to recognize that like all cis females do and adapt,.
What you do not realize is that when you break down and cry or go through those mental processes of grief over whatever may be happening in your life you are becoming more and more female.
As time passes you think.. I have not changed much but people would think your nuts if you said it.  Everyone thinks the old me completely died.  And I did.  You will grieve even over the loss of who you were.  The male privilege goes away.  Women and men treat you differently. You become to respond to it.
For me, men are men period. They may as well be aliens.. so different.  You will notice that you are not like them at all.. not one bit. 
You may realize as I did that I was always trying to be like them to fit in and measure up.
Now you don't even want to measure up to them.. you don't care.. They are men with their egos.. let them have their little egos.
Its fun to watch men react to each other.  You will see more clearly a pecking order in them.
Always trying to be the better dude.. LOL.. It cracks me up.
On the other hand, now you are an outsider.  You may find yourself like I did sitting with a table full of women doing the girl thing and thinking wow this is so different.. It may feel awkward at first then you realize you just one of the girls.
Your old self will try to fight back.. I did... I still think what the hell happened.  But know I would never go back even if I could.. no way... no regrets.. So happy not to be on testosterone anymore.
I never liked having a penis.. and I don't miss mine. 
I changed a lot after SRS .. a lot.  I have had sex with me.. a few and I like it.  That also does something to you. For me I found out what real guys are like.  It enforced the fact that I was never one of them at all.. not at all.
They love to pleasure a woman.. they really get off on your enjoying them.  You fake orgasms when your tired of it.. LOL.. and learn how to have them yourself.
This all leads to my point.  When I am alone I probably act a little more male than I do around people. 
When a man gets near me I totally female out.. like completely.  I submit in a way to their dominance.  But still hold my ground.  If I see a cute guy I lose it.. to the point of thinking wow omg.. wow... 
The first time I realized I was going to like guys was watching TV then suddenly Leo Decaprio looked delicious.  I looked at him and thought baby... how sexy is he.

So all this re shapes you.  Or it did me.  I did have a natural ability to be me but those other experiences change you just like it did CIS girls when they were young. 
I am at a point where I am not looking for a relationship.  But if it happens fine.
Am I bi.. probably a little.. If a hot chick hit on me hard I might lose control.  After all I was with a woman 32 years.. Its all about feelings and how your are treated.  I am not easy but if I like a guy and he treats me right I could get romantic.  But he should never expect me to chase him.. I want to be chased.. and caught.  I think that is normal.

So lots of thoughts here.. the basic point is that if you have always felt you were a woman its not hard to play the part once you get there.
But getting there is a pain in the butt.. and you have to be patient.. And keep your eye on the end goal.
Good luck
Me

[HereComesTheRain]

I've heard people say that your personality will change and that you will become a different person, but I suppose I never fully grasped the entirety of those changes. One of the hardest parts of beginning to transition for me is simply not knowing what to expect. There is so much information out there, and talking to therapists is incredibly helpful, but you always know there's going to be a new challenge each day you could not have expected. So thank you, I know I'll keep in mind what you said; it was a lot of wisdom.

[Itsdone]

I've heard people say that your personality will change and that you will become a different person, but I suppose I never fully grasped the entirety of those changes. One of the hardest parts of beginning to transition for me is simply not knowing what to expect. There is so much information out there, and talking to therapists is incredibly helpful, but you always know there's going to be a new challenge each day you could not have expected. So thank you, I know I'll keep in mind what you said; it was a lot of wisdom.

I don't think your personality really changes. You just start being who you are. Once free from the guilt of hiding and once we give in and accept who we are we become real.
If anything we become more alive in many ways.
Its like I was along for the ride with Doug.. the old me.  But I had to put Doug in charge, be Doug and be the man.  I never liked it but never jumped out of the truck so to speak.
I truly feel almost like my soul did not change at all.. and I still have the same bone structure but I have left behind everything else.
Its still there.. and at times I cry over it.  Remorse for the loss of myself.
But I just have his memories. And once your transitioned that is all you have.
The past is still there.
I almost feel like I just arrived on earth literally .. free to be me.
Love
KB

[HappyMoni]

Thank you for your insights. It helps to see the future even if it isn't exactly mine. Mark me as a skeptic when I first started hormones. I thought it would change me some but thought it would be in minor ways. Now, I say I am a very different person because there is such a difference in how I function, how I feel, how I think. The further along I go the more the metamorphosis unfolds. I am deeply in transition mode now, but dream of the relaxed stage you describe.
Moni

[Itsdone]

Thank you for your insights. It helps to see the future even if it isn't exactly mine. Mark me as a skeptic when I first started hormones. I thought it would change me some but thought it would be in minor ways. Now, I say I am a very different person because there is such a difference in how I function, how I feel, how I think. The further along I go the more the metamorphosis unfolds. I am deeply in transition mode now, but dream of the relaxed stage you describe.
Moni

HappyMoni
You will get there.. its a process.. Even this weekend I was emotional.. the weather sucked in Oklahoma.. I was so down and I had been sick.. Had the flu.  That is when knowing yourself well helps. And the therapy I had helps me dig deep when I have those times.  I would never say I regret transition but I would say at times it hurts because of the loses... but most the time I am on cloud nine.. Not dealing with GID anymore.. I am truly cured from that for sure..  I truly know what it feels like to be a woman and not think about body issues.. other than I wish I was 23 and in college out being a party girl.. LOL.. We all wish we were younger or prettier.. All women go through that.. But the key is I don't look at other women and long to be them .. I am them.  Its wonderful..  Good luck and just know if you go through the valley's mentally that all women do and that is what changes you and completes you as a woman. So embrace it as hard as it is at the time.. The sun will always come up tomorrow.. never forget that.
Love
KB