Salon hunting

[Laurie]

HI !! Sadie,


  I've been wondering where you were and it is about time you found your way back here. Glad you decided to come pay us a visit. It is good to see you have kept moving forward and becoming more comfortable with yourself.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

[Shy]

Hi Sadie

Great to see you back and posting. Sounds like some well needed time out.

So glad to see you are happy with the way you look and are still moving forward. Sounds to me like you even know what you have to do when it comes to the neighbours...sounds like you got this

Great to see you back

Liz

Ha, I know I've got something whether it's 'this' or not I have no idea Seriously I'm slowly bouncing back from some self imposed navel gazing and introspection. I'm not sure if it did me any good but i'm glad I did it.

Thanks for the encouragement and welcome, soon everyone will be wanting to get rid of me as I crack my knuckles, stick my tongue to one side and get on with the serious business of seeing what you girls have been up to

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie.

[Shy]

HI !! Sadie,


  I've been wondering where you were and it is about time you found your way back here. Glad you decided to come pay us a visit. It is good to see you have kept moving forward and becoming more comfortable with yourself.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

Hi Laurie,

I've missed you girl, next time I decide to go off 'walkabout' make sure to draw me a map, or a least get me a didgeridoo so I can honk for help when I loose myself in the local shopping centre. Seems to be happening a lot these days

From the little I've read I can see you've been having a bit of a rough time of things, well that won't do at all, so a big Sadie hug from across the pond.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Laurie]

Hi Laurie,

I've missed you girl, next time I decide to go off 'walkabout' make sure to draw me a map, or a least get me a didgeridoo so I can honk for help when I loose myself in the local shopping centre. Seems to be happening a lot these days

From the little I've read I can see you've been having a bit of a rough time of things, well that won't do at all, so a big Sadie hug from across the pond.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Thanks for the hug Sadie. I'm afraid someone else will need to draw you that map. I've never been over that away long enough to draw you a map. perhaps Davina or Megan can do it for you.

  Yeah, things have been a little difficult. It seems I found this hole I dug a long ago and fell in after some things happened after my daughter put enough water in the bottom and it's turned to quicksand. I got stuck and am trying to keep my head from going under. I'm not sure I can because I'm getting kind of tired of trying.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Shy]

How do you girls manage loneliness, or feeling isolated? I made a bit of a meltdown, poor old me post earlier, which isn't like me at all so I deleted it. I am struggling though, being in limbo waiting for the cg clinic when everyone else seems to be moving forward. It's not the green eyed monster or anything like that, just that I feel I have nothing to share, no big announcements of moving forward and making a life for myself. Everything seems to have come to a grinding halt. It makes me feel separate from the community somehow.

Having asbergers doesn't help, but i'm slowly getting my head around the late diagnosis I had. It put a halt to everything for a while as I had to make sure it wasn't the thing driving my dysphoria. I can separate the two now, thank goodness, of course i'm trans! But i had to be responsible and check, even if it was uncomfortable at the time. I'm in a process of grieving and accepting now, I have received no help, it was like 'yes, you've got asbergers have a nice life' without even explaining to me what asbergers actually was. Turns out as long as you don't feed me after midnight i'm quite normal really. It's just a part of me, much like a leg or an arm.

So i'm feeling a little isolated, left out, and maybe a little sorry for myself for sure. It normally doesn't bother me that much, i've gotten used to my own company, I've been in a lot worse places in my life. So if I make some dum posts, have a hissy fit, cry for attention, please have some patience with me. I thought I had eight months or so before I get to see a gender therapist but it turns out It's probably well over another year. I'm not sure yet, I'm just going by what some of the ladies said at my local trans group the other night.
Not any reflection on the CG clinic, those people are under so much pressure, when my slot finally comes through I shall make sure I thank them for all their hard work, but sadly they seem to take the brunt of peoples frustration when the finger should be pointed elsewhere.

On the plus side I've managed to stay full time, I think I'm reaching a point where I'm happy just to be me. I only recognise myself in the mirror as Sadie, there are still bits where bits shouldn't be and bits missing where bits should be. So the full length mirror is banished to the back of the closet for now.

Anyway, sorry to dump this on you all, I'm feeling a little better now, it's just been one of those days. I cried for the first time in years which is probably an indication that I am healing and starting to let go of a lot of baggage I built up over the past six months or so.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Laurie]

  Hiya Sadie,
 
  How do I deal with loneliness? I guess I am used to it and perhaps I am deluding myself but I'd say, I like being alone. But there are times where I get a hankering to go for a ride and you know what happens when I do that. I am either angry about something and could be gone hours or even overnight before calming down and turn around to head back home. Or I maybe on a road trip and off visiting people. When that happens I usually don't know when I'll be back, where I'm going, or who I might see but I have an idea or two and it could be weeks before I return. I do enjoy visiting friends and doing things with them but they all seem so far away. But even so I wouldn't say I am lonely because I live online (it you haven't noticed)
  I know that feeling of feeling stuck, many of us do. But it doesn't stop me from talking about how I feel and it doesn't keep me from commenting on other posts and reaching out to them  and let them know I am reading what they have to say. As far as you feeling left out, I'm sorry that you have that feeling. I know I look to see if you have posted something here so I can read what you have to say.
  You are at least the third person I know that has been diagnosed with Asperger. I don't profess to know just what that means though from the description I just read I could possibly qualify.  I certainly could see any difference in the one guy I played World of Warcraft with for a few years.
  Hey I am glad to see you back girl. Feel free to pm me if you need a chat or a slap up the side of the head.
 

  Hugs,
    Laurie

[Shy]

  Hiya Sadie,
 
  How do I deal with loneliness? I guess I am used to it and perhaps I am deluding myself but I'd say, I like being alone. But there are times where I get a hankering to go for a ride and you know what happens when I do that. I am either angry about something and could be gone hours or even overnight before calming down and turn around to head back home. Or I maybe on a road trip and off visiting people. When that happens I usually don't know when I'll be back, where I'm going, or who I might see but I have an idea or two and it could be weeks before I return. I do enjoy visiting friends and doing things with them but they all seem so far away. But even so I wouldn't say I am lonely because I live online (it you haven't noticed)
  I know that feeling of feeling stuck, many of us do. But it doesn't stop me from talking about how I feel and it doesn't keep me from commenting on other posts and reaching out to them  and let them know I am reading what they have to say. As far as you feeling left out, I'm sorry that you have that feeling. I know I look to see if you have posted something here so I can read what you have to say.
  You are at least the third person I know that has been diagnosed with Asperger. I don't profess to know just what that means though from the description I just read I could possibly qualify.  I certainly could see any difference in the one guy I played World of Warcraft with for a few years.
  Hey I am glad to see you back girl. Feel free to pm me if you need a chat or a slap up the side of the head.
 

  Hugs,
    Laurie

Thank you Laurie for the acknowledgement and the hand of friendship. You've always been there for me, through the tough times and the good. You're one of the kindest ladies I could of ever of had the pleasure of meeting, and before you get typing away saying the opposite, take the compliment! You've really helped me

Thing is I thought I'd stigmatised myself on this forum by mentioning I had been diagnosed autistic. And to an extent I think I probably have, silence can be deafening sometimes. But i'm still the same person I ever was, autism is a spectrum disorder and i'm classified as high functioning. I just struggle with social situations that's all, the maths genius bit missed me altogether:P It's not unlike being trans though, the way society responds, or doesn't respond to people who are different, both can be a challenge. It won't make me hide away though, that will just make me resentful and I don't want to be that person.

I'm o.k. now, I had a wonderful life lesson in my inbox this morning that will help navigate the years I have ahead of me

I hope you are doing well, I do worry about the pickle you get yourself into sometimes. I'm not one to diagnose if you are on the autistic spectrum or not but my diagnosis started with a hunch. Because it's the way I've always seen the world it took a professional to help me recognise things in my behaviour. I've always know I was different, shy and socially awkward even with family. It's like the being trans, everyone is different but we still all live under the same umbrella.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Shy]

Well today has been a surprisingly good day. Neighbourphobia didn't even blip on the radar, I kind of phase in and out of that one but today was o.k.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Laurie]

Good morning Sadie,

  Well it is morning here anyway. I know it's late afternoon there and getting on toward dinner time. Home you have something yummy planned.
  I am not afraid of autism. My son was afflicted with a genetic defect called fragile X syndrome and is a form of autism. Basically about 17% of his X chromosomes were broken. They literally looked like a piece of them were broke and barely hanging on. Females are typically not greatly affected due to having 2 X and nature turns off the broken one. Boys however having only the 1 are stuck with what they get. Kylan was the sweetest of kids and smart in many ways. He was about the mental age of a 3 - 4 year old. He loved watching nascar races and knew the name of the drivers band car makers better than I did. He loved going for rides but hated coming home. He would recognize Our neighborhood and begin throwing a fit. When he got home from his special school my wife would have to fight with him scratching and biting to get him off the bus and into the house then box him in behind the front door in a small space then sit on the floor with her back against the door to hold him there until he calmed down. He would reach around the door to scratch her if he could and remove all his clothes and throw them out. Once he was calmed down he was let out and was once again the sweet child we knew. Eventually he became too much for her to handle and I reluctantly agreed to put him in a group home where he could get a more structured environment.
  My daughter had already left home angry at and no longer talking to me. I was deep into our marital problems and firmly entrenched in my alcoholism and drug abuse by then. Placing my son in the home was the last thing my wife was waiting for and a couple months later I was escorted from my home by the police.
  Oh wow did I ever go down the wrong path. All I wanted to do Sadie was to let you know , you are my friend and no silly label is going to change that. I missed you while you were gone and I am glad you have come back. You are also supportive of me and others here in the forum and I do look for updates from you. So don't go wandering off. You hear me girl?

Hugs,
  Laurie

[davina61]

I don't mix well, run out of things to say unless its some thing I am passionate about ( drag racing/hotrods, cooking) but then that's boring to most folk. Happier on my own TBH but miss company. Thanks for all my friends on here.

[Shy]

Good evening Laurie

Thank you for sharing that, It can't have been easy for you to go over old memories. I do notice these things, and appreciate your company. There are no blueprint for life, most of us get it wrong, some of us self medicate when things get too painful, even if we didn't realise it at the time we were just crying out for help. I ended up in a drug house for many years but I don't let it define me now, i've learned to forgive myself and amwiser for it. To this day I don't know how I survived, but I did.

I have a few books to read on woman with asbergers recommended to me at my assessment. I needed a little breathing space first before I started work on untangling the yarn ball that has been place in my lap.

Any-who, I feel much better today, underneath it all I'm really quit a strong woman. A year or so ago when I first came out that would have had trouble saying that as I fumbled to find myself. Now it's just a profound truth that I take great comfort from.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Shy]

I don't mix well, run out of things to say unless its some thing I am passionate about ( drag racing/hotrods, cooking) but then that's boring to most folk. Happier on my own TBH but miss company. Thanks for all my friends on here.

There you are, I've been worried about you when you said you were a bit Marvin.
I love drag racing, nothing beats the sound of a top fuel dragster. I'm not educated to the sport but I love it all. Hotrods the same. My old harley was chopped with flames on the tank and strait racing bars. It was almost identical to Dennis Hopper's in Easy Rider. The fastest Indian with Anthony Hopkins is one of my favourite films. It even has a trans lady in it.
Bikes I know, not cars, I was definitely a biker chick in my day only the beard down to my waist stopped me from being lynched, different days then.
I admire how you've come out Davina, I know what some of these meets can be like. Seriously girl, you're an inspiration.
Cooking is lost on me however, my oven broke about three years ago and since then I've been living on salad.

Peace and love and all that good stuff.

[Cindy]

Oh Lordy not more bikies.

Every morning at 5.55am my neighbour fires up his Harley in his driveway next to my bedroom. Why oh why do they all have exhaust systems that sound like a drill hammer inside a metal cavern.

OK grump over, going back to sleep now.

[Shy]

Morning Cindy

Ha, my old 52 harley had an old fashioned kick start that if I didn't get it just right would send me flying over the tank. So outside my house you could have added a few more expletives to the soothing purr of a V twin engine alarm call.
Them days is 30 years in the past, i'm a good girl now.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Shy]

Had another good day, got brows done then did shopping for my parents who have been very poorly with a nasty flu bug. I was really worried for a while, they are in there 80's so this sort of thing is no joke. I arrived at the door and said 'dinner ladie's here' It was good to see them recovering at last. So the past week or so has been mainly tending to their needs and I think i brought us closer together.

I have a challenge for myself this week. There is a bus stop directly outside my house, but when I fist went full time it was too much for me to stand there in front of all the neighbours so I walk to the next stop down. It's not that everyone hasn't seen me, I mean I'm full time just some dum thing I thought was a good idea at the time and it eventually became a habit. So tomorrow I shall ditch that comfort blanket and take back control of my bus stop.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Laurie]

 Hi Sadie,

  I should have waited until I read your post before I responded to the one in my thread. I am glad you had a good day. I like your determination to take back your bus stop. I am also glad your parents are doing better. At their ages every illness is a concern. I also worry about my sister here getting sick since she is way way older than I am (a year). With her asthma being compounded into COPD she is on oxygen, uses a nebulizer for on medication and two other inhalers to breathe I worry about her getting a cold or the flu and winding up as one of the statics we hear about on the news. Anytime she isn't feeling well I know it can end in a call to the paramedics and a ride with sirens on to a hospital. The time the paramedics took her to an out of network hospital a mile away because they didn't think she would make it to the in Kaiser hospital 20 miles away was particularly of concern. So yes dear, I understand your concern. It is nice that you feel events have brought you closer to your parents.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Shy]

Hi Sadie,

  I should have waited until I read your post before I responded to the one in my thread. I am glad you had a good day. I like your determination to take back your bus stop. I am also glad your parents are doing better. At their ages every illness is a concern. I also worry about my sister here getting sick since she is way way older than I am (a year). With her asthma being compounded into COPD she is on oxygen, uses a nebulizer for on medication and two other inhalers to breathe I worry about her getting a cold or the flu and winding up as one of the statics we hear about on the news. Anytime she isn't feeling well I know it can end in a call to the paramedics and a ride with sirens on to a hospital. The time the paramedics took her to an out of network hospital a mile away because they didn't think she would make it to the in Kaiser hospital 20 miles away was particularly of concern. So yes dear, I understand your concern. It is nice that you feel events have brought you closer to your parents.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Ha, yes we may have been born trans but I think the telepathic gene skipped us as far as commenting in each other threads goes, there is women's intuition though (cue twilight zone music, the original series not the awful remake)

Yes that darn bus stop has been my Everest for the past year, I mean it's right outside my window taunting me. Well no more dagnabbit, tomorrow I plant my flag made up of nice pale blue, pink and white stripes

Look after sis, give her a big hug if you're huggy kind of siblings. I don't really have a relationship with my siblings,
but I do love them and as long as they are safe and happy that's all that matters to me.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[davina61]

Talking bikes have built my youngest junior drag bikes and last year modded an GS 500 into a drag bike , need to take new pic as all the ones I have are stuck in the bucket!!!! Helped him sort his R1 as well.
Take it to the bus stop bus stop ya (Rose Royce?)

[Shy]

Talking bikes have built my youngest junior drag bikes and last year modded an GS 500 into a drag bike , need to take new pic as all the ones I have are stuck in the bucket!!!! Helped him sort his R1 as well.
Take it to the bus stop bus stop ya (Rose Royce?)

Awesome Davina!

I wouldn't know where to start with drag mods, I mean with my old 52 panhead pensioners would overtake me with their mobility scooters 85mph max before the thing started to rattle itself to bits and my internal organs started to  rearranged themselves. A ground clearance of about an inch so mini roundabouts were my nemesis, that and pensioners on mobility scooters

Are you modding for nitrous? like I said I enjoy drag racing but know little about the mechanics of it. I always wanted one of those go fast buttons though. Have you ever been down the track? I went down an airstrip in my boss's series series bmw once, a bit scary because he was two sheets close to the wind at the time.

Rose Royce, now that's a blast from the past

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Kendra]

> Yes that darn bus stop has been my Everest for the past year, I mean it's right outside my window taunting me. Well no more dagnabbit, tomorrow I plant my flag made up of nice pale blue, pink and white stripes

Sadie, if you do indeed stand outside the nearest bus stop tomorrow to catch your bus I am there with you.  I can identify with how we work so hard to become confident in one or many things, but waiting at the neighborhood bus stop does indeed seem to be a different category.  We know how challenging this can be - it is mountain climbing.

Peace and love and strength to you - and go tackle the world, as you are.