If you have doubts or feel you want to quit........

[coldHeart]

I had tried to suppress the way I felt for so long there is a long line of rubble following me, coming from an army back ground you should of see the look on my father face when his only son grow his hair &  became an goth so there was never going to be an "open day" to my parents they still don't know (lost contact Through lies) any way fast forward a few years I longed to tell my wife that it was more that just cross dressing I so wished I had told her from the start now I,ve recently told her the ->-bleeped-<- hit the fan big time it was not the fact that I had more female in me than male ( she had a feeling all the time) it was because I couldn't trust her enough to tell her " all the years of lying " she told me so it never pays to live a lie & besides for gods sake you have ONE life that's it no more just the one so make good use of it, my wife has left me & who could blame her, it hurts really bad at the moment I have never felt so low in my life lucky I have a few friend s on her who have help me no end. This morning I sat by myself  in the bottom of my garden with a 12 bore shot gun in my mouth thank you AMORE for talking some sense in to me. Now I,ve had time to think to reflect on things it might be hard for a while by with time it will get better, I have been set free I need to focus on becoming Sara, there are going to be more tears to come but hopefully a few smiles as well.

[HappyMoni]

Sara,
   I am glad you are here. You can find happiness in this world and you can do it being yourself. What a shame it would be for you to stop before you get there. Get help if you need it. We all need help sometimes, it is nothing to be ashamed of. You must believe that things will get better. They will, Hon!
Moni

[vicki_sixx]

If ever you needed more of a kick up the bum than the article I wrote and the discussion we've had since....

I've just finished a 3 hour conversation with a friend I lost contact with 4/5 years ago. He was talented in a number of creative endeavours but never amounted to anything, mainly due to his own procrastination. There was always tomorrow, y'know? At the grand old age of 39 he decided to go back to university and racked up £40,000 of debt to launch a career in one his creative fields. He finished his degree and went back to putting things off for a couple of years. Then one day he finally woke up and slowly started making his move. This is where we parted ways.

In tonight's phone call I discovered that his uncle, brother and girlfriend all died suddenly (heart attack, cancer, car crash) and was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes but as it went unnoticed for twenty years he has tendonitis in all of his joints, is sapped of energy for all but 3 hour a day, and his vision is so badly affected (tunnel & blurred vision) that he can't drive,  work, write, read or watch TV - and this is the big killer because he is a big movie buff and aspiring screenwriter. His life has been shattered. He has lost his family along with his job and the career he stalled on starting. Even if he was destined to end up as this physical wreck he wishes he made his move earlier to enjoy the fruits of £40,000 education and see the rewards of his talent and hard work.

Now he has nothing. Nothing but regret.

As I said in the article, life is short. Don't end up regretting you lived a life true to who you really are.

[reallynotsure83]

Of course it's scary - hence why I wrote the article I linked in my OP. You're giving up not only all you've ever kown but all that's expected of you by society. But you have to face the fear and do it anyway.

Believe me, life is much easier when you stop caring. And I'm living proof. The prospect of shopping in a female clothes shop and trying outfits on terrified me and it took me ages to pluck up the courage yet when I did, it was so liberating - no more ordering online and having to send items back because they didn't fit or suit and then wait for refunds - and I was amazed at how easy it was. Same goes for stepping outside of the house en femme. And same goes for telling my work colleagues I'm trans. When you own it and show no fear or embarrassment it puts you in the control. People don't take the piss because I feel no shame and in fact, they're the ones squirming as I'm teasing them by saying I'll make them over and lend them a dress!

But why would you want to? Why would you want the dull and humdrum? Why would you want a life without the fabulousness of heels, makeup and sexy outfits? Why would you want to be invisible and bland when you can stand out and be a unicorn?

It's easier than you think. Especially with employers. Not only are they legally-obliged to do right by you but you'll also find yourself fast tracked in many cases because employers have diversity targets to attain. And besides that, your work colleagues aren't emotionally invested in you - in other words, they don't give a crap what you do with your life. Parents should be okay, too, because you are and always will be their child.

Your SO is the challenge - she got with a man and that is what she wants. After all, how would you feel if your partner said she wanted to turn into a hairy-chested beer-bellied moustachioed man? I'm betting you wouldn't be too enamoured. And I know that is horrifying - the prospect of losing her but again, that's why I wrote my article. (Have you read it?). It's also unfair to live a lie and hold onto someone who doesn't know (or would want) the real you. And if she doesn't want to be with you then - believe it or not - she isn't right for you because you deserve someone who does want you. And before you start to think you couldn't live without her, you thought the same about all those other girls who broke your heart yet you recovered just fine. Last of all, you may find that - like my friends discovered - she wants to say with you and loves you regardless

No because:
1) you're not being true to yourself.
2) you can never give your kids moral guidance if you can't be true to yourself.
3) you will become more and more unhappy - until you split up anyway or worse, live a wretched life of misery.
4) you only get one life.

So sorry it's took me a while to reply, I don't get the chance on the weekend to get on here. By the way, seeing some of your phrases like "kick up the bum" or "taking the piss" are you from the UK?

Something there caught my eye and it speaks to me so much - when you said "life is so much easier when you stop caring so much." And that's very true, I always (used to) stand by that - I'm asking myself "why can't I now?" And If I think about it I know I can - I mean my workmates I don't really care what they think. Save one I'd say who is a very good friend, I'm not that tight with all of them so it wouldn't bother me. I think my boss would be ok too, he's been a mate for a couple of years now before I started my job and being an ex-marine I'd think he'd consider it me showing some "balls" and being brave.

I don't have a lot in the way of friends now but those I do have I am sure would be ok and if not? Sod 'em, I'm sure I can always make more friends anyway - I lost my best friend who was like a brother 8 years ago and if I can cope with that, I can cope with anything.

Family I'm sure would be ok too - one of my little second cousins recently came out as Gay and he had loads of support including from his dad, my older cousin who was a "lad" and still is to an extent and all my family including my own parents were great. Another second cousin of mine who is practically a model who I was very close to when she was younger, growing up and at 20 I'm sure would help me have a make over. And my folks I'm sure would be the best, they love me unconditionally and I know my dad would be fab.

So as I'm typing this I'm thinking "what's holding you back?" "Everything'll be ok, look!" It's just my Mrs which holds me back currently. I was weighing it all up at the weekend, wondering how I'll approach it and if I'll just drop it on her or do it subtly so it's not so much of a shock and she'll go "I already knew." As I was thinking this, we were watching Trainspotting (Don't know if you've seen it?) and it got to the scene when Begbie pulled in the nightclub and took her back to his car to discover that she's trans. My Mrs laughed and went "Ah god, imagine someone like Begbie pulling a ->-bleeped-<-!" and it stopped me dead in my tracks, unsure if I'd just heard it. The language I can put up with as we're already an interracial couple (I'm white, she's black) and we do have a naughty sense of humour about it that others may find offensive but this, I just don't know. Maybe the fact it cut me so deep confirms that I know it about myself already!

But yes, I definitely read the article and I must do so again as it helped me out so much if only internally to give me that kick up the bum that I need to stop burying my head in the sand and deal with my reality - that I am and should have been born a woman!

[reallynotsure83]

We ran, we ran so far that we forgot who we were...Joking aside no we are not part of that life any more, its just me and Callen now. Has been for over 15 years and we don't regret a moment. Never been safer or happier to be honest!

xxx
Nooms

Fair play Nooms, that takes a lot of courage. Glad your man is by your side for it all too. xxx

[HappyMoni]

So as I'm typing this I'm thinking "what's holding you back?" "Everything'll be ok, look!" It's just my Mrs which holds me back currently. I was weighing it all up at the weekend, wondering how I'll approach it and if I'll just drop it on her or do it subtly so it's not so much of a shock and she'll go "I already knew." As I was thinking this, we were watching Trainspotting (Don't know if you've seen it?) and it got to the scene when Begbie pulled in the nightclub and took her back to his car to discover that she's trans. My Mrs laughed and went "Ah god, imagine someone like Begbie pulling a ->-bleeped-<-!" and it stopped me dead in my tracks, unsure if I'd just heard it. The language I can put up with as we're already an interracial couple (I'm white, she's black) and we do have a naughty sense of humour about it that others may find offensive but this, I just don't know. Maybe the fact it cut me so deep confirms that I know it about myself already!

But yes, I definitely read the article and I must do so again as it helped me out so much if only internally to give me that kick up the bum that I need to stop burying my head in the sand and deal with my reality - that I am and should have been born a woman!

I wouldn't take that comment as your SO's general attitude. We have all made insensitive comments at some point about people or groups who have circumstances unfamiliar to us. Goodness knows how the media puts trans people up there as the butt of a joke. Allow her the benefit of the doubt. Allow her the chance to evolve from the point where she thinks it is funny.
Making the jump does have risks. That is the truth. You will never have the perfect conditions to come out. They only exist on deserted islands. You have to decide if you are driven enough to take the risk. If  you are, then know that fear will try to stop you. You have to kick fear in the shins and run right over it. Get over the idea that you have this safe image that everyone accepts now and you don't want to lose that. That image is not really you. Keeping it is living a lie. People will still love you, and the ones that don't never really accepted you anyway.
Moni