Heya Alannah,
It took me many years to recognize that I was suppressing the feminine aspects of myself, so I began to express them, little by little, doing things that helped me to feel better, and more like my true self. I started wearing semi-ambiguous women' clothing, like jeans and socks, all of the time. I grew my hair out longer. I began carrying a handbag. I started getting my nails done, first toes, then fingers.
As I took each little step, I felt a little more like myself and a little more confident. Eventually, I gained enough confidence and sense of self to take the first medical steps toward transition.
It sounds like you're doing some of the same kinds of things. Trust yourself and trust the process. You may end up somewhere in between binary male or female, or something entirely different. But be aware of each step you take, so that you can adjust, left or right, forward or back, always heading toward your destination. Even if you don't know exactly where that destination lies yet, if you pay attention, you'll find your way. Good luck and keep us in the loop!
Erin
P.S. I just read about a woman beginning her transition at 84. It's never too late! 🙂
