Depressed because I can't have more children

[Amoré]

Well as all of you know the effect of hrt is castration. When I started I did not want more kids because I didn't want them to go through having a transgender parent so I did not freeze sperm. Today I feel depressed because I didn't do it and I don't think I have any way of having biological children anymore. I am really upset with myself that I felt like that at the stage and did not take steps in case I changed my mind in the future.

The only option I have left is an egg from my sister and sperm from my boyfriend and getting a donor. At least it will be his kid.I am not planning to have kids now only in 2-3 years from now with him. It just makes me sad that my blood line ends here. I have my 3 year old but would have loved one more that is under my roof.

[ayyshawnac]

I'll let you barrow my almost 4 year old lol she's crazy and funny and will drive you up the walls but love her to death and she will be my only one I ever birth myself since I am a FtM (:


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[Amoré]

I'll let you barrow my almost 4 year old lol she's crazy and funny and will drive you up the walls but love her to death and she will be my only one I ever birth myself since I am a FtM (:


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I cherish my 3 year old a lot I can't live without her in the week when I am away from her it feels if I am going insane from missing her.

[ayyshawnac]

I cherish my 3 year old a lot I can't live without her in the week when I am away from her it feels if I am going insane from missing her.

I understand what you mean but mine is a mini me I have ADHD except I'm on medication and she isn't yet and she keeps making comments about a baby being in my belly because one of her babysitters just had a baby like 5 or so months ago and I have to keep explaining no mama isn't haven't any more babies mama is a male inside of a females body and she just forgets what she was talking about and tarts talking about other stuff


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[coldHeart]

Sounds crazy amore but have you though of adoption

[Amoré]

I have thought about adoption but it doesn't feel the same as having your own blood running in a child's vains

[SailorMars1994]

I have thought about adoption but it doesn't feel the same as having your own blood running in a child's vains

And thats where the more flauded thinking lays. I agree, it is would be amazing to have your own biological flesh and blood running around. Hence why i froze my sperm in 2015. Still, I would love to adopt a kid even after i had bio-kids. My issues is, is that it takes too long and it is expensive which was among the reasons i froze my future preborn  kids.

As my Grandma said. not all children are born under your heart. They are born in your heart

[Daniellekai]

If you still have "the boys", there's a super extra invasive surgical procedure that might be able to scrape up just enough sperm, but if it's been several years even that might not work... They're just working out now how to turn a skin cell into a sperm, maybe in another 10 years >.>

The point is, it might still be possible although you'd probably have to stop HRT for a while... I'd talk to a trans friendly fertility clinic.

[Amoré]

The thing is I am getting grs maybe in november or early next year. That basically nullify the chance of having more children of my own. I guess I should just cherish the one I have. My boyfriend want to have a child that is his blood so I would get the chance to raise a child there. Only one of us can donate sperm in this case for the baby and because it is my sisters egg it would be his. The child would still be genetically related to me in a way as it is my sister. Also I have been a bit more than a year full time on hrt, I can't see myself going off because I don't want the rage attacks and stuff that goes with T.

[coldHeart]

I think Having your boyfriend's sperm & your sister's eggs would be your best way as you said he/she would still have you families blood line flowing through there vein's,when I was ready to have kids a road accident rod me of ever having children so if you have any chance to have more children go for it, hopefully in time your ex wife will mellow & your child will be able to stop off some night's, she's probably still angry/upset with your changes but people do come right with time.

[CoriM]

We "fostered" two different teenagers over the years, and in some ways they are closer to us than our own children. Perhaps its because we started at an older age. If we had to start at a very young age with them I'm certain the relationship would be closer to real parent/child.

Love your 3-year old. You have a gem, even if it's only part-time!

[Amoré]

I guess it can't be too bad to adopt the thing is I really want to try and breast feed. I want to be seen as mom. My own child doesn't see me as a mother I am her father and that I will always be. For another child I will be a mother and that is special in its own way. So I guess it doesn't really matter what route you take you get to love a child.

[CarlyMcx]

I have thought about adoption but it doesn't feel the same as having your own blood running in a child's vains

Sorry that is just wrong.  I raised a stepdaughter from age 8 to maturity.  She is now 35.  In young adulthood she legally changed her last name to match mine.  And yes, I have a biological child as well, her younger half brother, my son.  The fact is, raising one that is not biologically yours will actually give you a greater sense of accomplishment because you will see the evidence of your own influence on that child's morals, ethics and judgment.

My daughter interned for (then) San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom when he was the only public official anywhere in the U.S. who was signing gay marriage certificates.  He also engineered universal public health care for everyone in San Francisco during his term of office.  My daughter is now a civil rights attorney with a private firm.  My son is awaiting results from the California bar exam.

[2.B.Dana]

Amore,

I have one biological child and two international adopted children. One adoption occurred as she turned 7. It had many challenges throughout the years, but she graduates as a nurse this weekend. We thought things would be "easier" if it was a baby and we did that with number 3. Different yes but no less challenging than either of the other two. Whether they are birthed from your loins or not they are their own person and all we get is an opportunity to raise and influence them. In the end it's up to them. The situation with your first is its own special challenge. We have found that each comes with their own special challenges no matter whose DNA is in their veins. And as far as nursing them goes, even many CIS women can't do that. It doesn't stop the gnawing inside you that you wanted to do it but it none the less just remains in your internal list of things you wished for but they didn't happen.
Try not to lament over the possibility of future frustrations as it takes a huge toll on the now. Focus on what and who is in front of you now or you may quickly find they aren't there anymore.

[Rachel_Christina]

This is exactly why I banked. Not because I wanted children, but because I didn't know if I didn't want children.

I'm not sure if ther is ever not a single sperm produced by the body after years on hormones, no way enough to conceive naturally, but I would guess the may be the odd one floating around down there.

Does anyone know if it is a true 100% certainty that your body no longer produces anything?
Probably depends too the drugs each of us are using.

Oh and yea you should try not to worry to much about it now, it doesn't change anything. And as others have said the opportunity to addopt is there and it can be really amazing to think what you have done for poor child that was left all on their own
I think I may adopt too in the future :3

Hugs Rachel

[ImSomething]

This sort of fear is what led to my self-suppression and denial several years ago. It's definitely a miserable thing to go through, and I'm sorry to hear you're going through it.
I intend to try and bank sperm before I go on HRT, but that may be difficult given the financial state of my household, which in turn may make therapy and accessing treatment really difficult. ._.
Maybe stem cell research will make enough advancements in my more "youthful" lifetime that I will be able be a biological mother. That's probably a useless hope, but oh well. A girl can dream.

[Amoré]

I think from what I hear in the end it doesn't matter if it is your blood or not it is your child. I will definitely try adoption. But first we are going to try a surrogate. My sister agreed to donate an egg. We just hope it doesn't get too expensive and we can get a surrogate mother because my sister don't want to carry the child due to complications with her own child.

[Rambler]

My wife and I conceived our second and hopefully last just before I started hormones and within about a week I was having second thoughts about more children and whether I should stop the hrt temporarily to freeze sperm even though I didn't even really want to have a second and it's admittedly hard to be excited while I'm focusing on myself and this transition for the first time on my life. I think it's the fact that the ability has been taken away from us moreso than truly desiring more. I'm happy with 2. The world has more than enough people in it already and adoption is an option if we want more beyond here.