Dude, I feel ya. I hit rock bottom last year - (I mean,
hard...neck on railway-line hard) - won't go into that, but I'm better than never before right now, so I was thinking overnight about what you said and have tried to think of stuff that helped me. You probably already tried most of it. Some is mind tricks and some isn't. In no particular order:
Category 1: DistractionI threw myself into playing guitar and lost myself in that whenever my brain wanted to do stupid stuff.
I got a punch bag - super handy for beating the ->-bleeped-<- out of when, you know...
Organise your life - chuck stuff out or file or do tax returns (all those chores you'll feel a ton better for having done. I think of it as laying the groundwork for something grand!)
Also in this category is accepting that it takes bloody ages for anything to happen on the NHS and there's nothing you can do besides applying for a loan, working your arse ragged to get the money to go private, or...pushing it to the back of your mind, sticking two fingers up to Sod's Law and just enjoy each day as much as you can, working at something you CAN do something about (e.g. a career) because worrying only makes the time go more slowly
Category 2: LogicI tried logic-ing myself out of bad thoughts. They feed on emotion and working through each one with a fine-tooth comb, asking 'why?' seems to kill 'em.
Category 3: Sleight-of-mind and Perspective[Warning: junk talk] So, I was reading about laydeee parts the other night (as one does), and discovered that, biologically they are the exact counterpart of the male ones. They /are/ the male ones, just a little bigger (boobs) or smaller (e.g. clit) - it might help to see them as your own precious body, that, when (if) you want surgery, will be moulded to how they should always have been. It's all the very same material, and pampering the parts rather than punishing them will make it easier for the surgeons to work on them as scar tissue isn't very elastic.
You could celebrate how far you've already come (yes, off your own damn back!) by maybe keeping a diary or private vlog, but if that's not your thing I have tried that trite-sounding 'find things you're grateful for' every day really helps. (I was told by a homeless guy last week that he feels lucky. I said, 'why?' and he replied: 'I'm not getting the ->-bleeped-<- bombed out of me in Syria. I've still got all my arms 'n' legs and my son hasn't drowned before my eyes yet...') <-Not saying you don't have the right to be sad if you're not in a warzone, but more that there is probably /something/ you can feel good about in your life or body, somewhere.
For me, getting to a happy place involved all of the above, plus changing career, plus those lil' antidepressants for a year (off them now). But most of all, though I wince when I look in a mirror, I decided never to hate myself because it never does any good and I'm all I've got, lol!
Also, we're special creatures, us. Your experience right now is special - no-one has had the privilege of being you and knowing what you know about life - please stay - we need your voice and your words.
Anyway, back in the mundane world, hope the house rens go well - I think I get that, too, lol - ours was torn apart and re-wired, then, a year later, torn apart and re-plumbed and it was so stressful! ...Sorry for the essay; I don't mean to sound like an ass. Just hope there was something in there that might be interesting.
