Dysphoria raging out of control

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Hi, I've been away for a few months, been busy with a few things. Anyway, I'm a year post op (top surgery) and a little over a year on T and my dysphoria is just going crazy. Any time I see my body I feel like it looks female or androgynous and that I'm not really a guy and I never will be and I feel like my dysphoria will never get any better and everything is hopeless. I'm trying to point out things to myself like my flat chest, taller height, body hair, but it's all going so slowly. I am passing more and more but my physical dysphoria is worse than my social dysphoria. I have horrible bottom dysphoria. I see all these trans people online talking about how they don't have bottom dysphoria and I wish that was the case for me. I'm scared to try to meet anybody for sex/dating because they'll see me as female. This is all stressing me out more and more. I have a job and a life and goals and stuff but any time I'm not hardcore distracting myself these thoughts come back and they're killing me.

[Dena]

I don't know if you have tried this or if it would help, but you might want to buy some boxer underwear and wear it whenever you are undressed. By limiting what you view, it might reduce the triggering and thus the dysphoria. Sometimes I would use a bath towel as a skirt in order to hide the parts that didn't fit and it helped me see me.

[Dani]

Since you have only been on Testosterone for a little over a year, I don't think you have been on Testosterone long enough to see big changes in your body. You can help things along by strenuous exercise like weight training and eating more protein foods.

Keep in mind that Testosterone has very powerful mental effects, such as aggressive behavior. Many men work out their aggression with sports or hard physical labor. 

[November Fox]

Hey man,

I just want to say, I know how you feel.
I don´t perceive myself as female, but I do still think parts of me are female, which gives me an equal amount of unease.

I take it you´ve had top surgery. As for bottom dysphoria I wear like three boxers with a packer so I don´t have to feel much of what´s going on and the bulge is natural, so people don´t start wondering why there´s nothing there.

The thing with intimacy, I´m pretty much in the same boat. And I think a lot of transmen are. I have no answer to that though.

Edited to add: if the unease gets real bad, you could discuss medication options with your GP. Some medication helps when the anxiety gets out of control.

[Transdude]

I feel for you bro. It sucks when you start feeling that way. Like people have said you can wear your packer and some boxers and try to put your mind on other stuff. You also can try doing guy stuff. Go to a sports bar and hang for a while. Go to Hooters and eat some wings. If you're old enough go hang at a strip club for a while. Do some target practice at the gun range. Do some rock wall climbing. I know this stuff sounds real stereotypical cause it is. But it always helped me feel better. Also dude it doesn't matter what you look like. You are a man. Don't forget it. Can't really offer much advice on intimacy and dating. I got real lucky with my current girlfriend but before her my dating history was pretty messed up. Feel better dude. Wish I had more to offer.