Ok, first of all "Hey girls!!!" So glad to be here and so glade there is a resource like this where sisters can help each other out. ( can ya yell this is my first post? *giggles*)
Ok, to business. *smooths out skirt suit*
First off a little background (I'll try to keep the extraneous details to a minimum) after nearly 25 years of self loathing, hidden shame, and self destructive behaviour I finally came out back in 2015 to my absolutly amazing friend/roommate,/ex-girlfriend/domestic partner, and since then have been living as a woman full time since the summer of 2016, came out to frinds and family and finally started HRT back in Feb 2017 so nearly 4 months so far. The changes have been subtle and amazing softer skin less..musky...body odor when I perspire slowed hair growth on my arms, legs, chest and face ( though I will be ecstatic when I can afford electrolysis) even a gradual change to my facial features and , of course, the beginnings of breast growrh (up to a 38B already, measured 3 times just to be sure.) But still no hip growth. Plus the mental amd emotional changes sich as I am more politically, socially and culturally awar,e more outgoing,generally more upbeat and more open with my emotions (even if that does mean I cry a lot more, But there is one recent develpment that has me concerned. Until now I have been vacilating from pragmatic acceptance to ambivalence to mild emotional discomfort regarding my penis. But starting just a few days ago I developed a much stronger negative reaction to it's existence. I first relized this in the shower wnen I looked down between my budding breasts and saw it just sitting theren I was suddenly overcome with such an intense feeling of disgust and loathing that it made my head spin, since then I cant even look at it, i avoid catching sight of it at all times. This is concerning to me because I have been saying from the start that I do not want to have bottom surgery except an orchiectomy, so that I can stop taking spiro, Untill I have seen improvements made to the prcedure avalible in the continental U.S., I.E a marked improvement in the rate of fully sensate neo clitori, improved self lubrication, and/or elimination of the need for lifelong dilation. But these new feelings of downright vertiginous disgust and dysphoria in regards to my "boy bits" are I fear eroding my valid reasons for waiting beyond the 5-6 year timeframe I have given myself before taking the plunge. This scares me as I feel that this is impairing my ability to male rational decision on this matter. My question is "Has anyone else experienced this sudden shift in their feelings towards thier anatomy after a few months of HRT, and if so did this lead you to seek GRS sooner than originally planned? If If not, how where you able to cope amd keep to your timetable?" Can't wait to read your comments.
Blessed Be and have a beautiful day!!
P.S. I know thos os something better addressed with a therapist but I am currently in search of a new ome as my old one whom I adore is not "in-network" for my fabulous insurance that I get thanks to my domestic partner which covers everything transition related except cosmetic facial surgery, vocal coaching, and electrolysis.
