Pictures of my favorite style

[barbie]

But with short pants in outdoor.



Purchased in this summer, but I did not have a chance to wear outdoors. Hopefully, next year I will wear occasionally.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

It's always a joy to see you.

If one wants to reach a goal it is always good to have examples. And to me you are an example.

Karen

[barbie]

Karen,

Thanks for compliments.

Historically, feminine males have been a target of ridicule and satire, and I would not be surprised what I have got during my life. My body had been teased since my puberty, especially legs. I had always felt inferiority on my 'morphology', the term that I can not forget when a doctor used after examining my body. Narrow chest and feeble legs. After x-ray examining my legs when I was teens, the doctor asked whether I had serious leg injury when I was child. I said never and wondered why he asked. To avoid such teasing and unwanted medical inquiries, I tried to build muscles, but always failed. 

It is ironical that my body could be a goal for some purpose. Unlike men, some women tend to applaud my legs, even in my teenage. After my obvious crossdressing, some male friends began to applaud my body shape and legs as a women, but still others hate my crossdressing. I would not persuade them because this is my own taste and that is their own taste.

And, I can choose far more diverse clothes and accessories than them. If I want, I can wear men's suits and all of their clothes. But they can not wear most of my clothes. I just enjoy fashion.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

Your legs are ok. And your chest .... well I used to think before "I want tits". And I got tits you know. I could move them even.

Unlike you I have a "strong" or heavy body structure. I used to be able to bent an arm with 30 kg in it. I was stronger than the national champion in the club.  If you ever go to the gym try 30 kg once, it's inhumanily heavy. Even lifting it might give you trouble.  My partner took hormones at the time. It gave him urinary trouble afterwards. Another one became very agressive and destroyed his marriage.  I never took hormones, I mean male hormones.  For a very short time I took female hormones however.  And building muscles was possible but I never was able to go above 90 kg at that time.

I am unable to build a body like yours. My bone structure is simply heavy and so are my lungs. I never brooke anything neither.

You will never be able to please everybody. 50 % of people will love you, adore you, applaud you. Like I do.  The other 50 % might hate you, dislike you, be jealous about you, call you a pervert. Truth is that you are much more beautiful than many women. I also envy you. You are able to live in both modes. Female and male mode. I'm not.

Ever since I was a child it is exactly this freedom of choice I was jealous about.  For men you can really only choose a suit for work or a jeans.  And normally it sucks. It seems to be the right of men to look ugly. And I want to look nice also. One of my professional contacts from a bank is part korean I think. Anyhow, the thing is that he always "dresses" supercool. He must have felt my enthusiasm towards him but it is because of his choice of clothes.  Armani suit and glasses.  Rectangular watch, shining shoes, ... . He invited me to Roland Garros ( a tennis game ) last year. Arriving in Paris I couldn't believe the reaction of the police when I showed my invitation. I received an escort getting out of the subway. Crazy.

The transformers movie is playing on the TV here. I don't want to go live back in the grots like the talibans. For me this is the future. Transformation.



You might dislike this picture. I don't know.

Let's be honest, Barbie is morphologically SUPERIOR !


Karen.

[barbie]

Karen,

Thanks for providing such an interesting photo.

Nowadays, it is called metrosexual or androgynous. Historically, people have admired the androgynous status, because some people believed that a perfect human should complete both man and woman in their destiny.

In ancient times in my country before the Confucianism introduced, people enjoyed homosexual and even crossdressing, which we can guess from historical records, although most of them were purged by patriarchical Neo-confucians later. For example, an elite group called 'hwarang' of the Silla dynasty (57 BC~ 935 A.D) wore makeup and flowers, and trimmed their eyebrows. The term 'hwa-rang' literally means 'flower young men', but in the later period, it's meaning was changed to a concept similar to the Japanese samurai.

Most of ancient Greek sculptures are actually of men whose body line is indeed smooth and feminine because of well-built external muscles. Romans also admired androgynous and beautiful boys. Even in the modern ages, some western painters had pursued the androgynous beauty as an ideal.

I also purse androgynous beauty, because I can not be a woman at all, even if I take hormones or SRS. I give off the smell of men. I can not fool people forever. When I run at beach, I like to run along the boundary between the sandy beach and the seawater. Maybe it is called coastal line, but to me it is like the boundary between man and woman.

Barbie~~

Posted on: November 25, 2007, 09:52:02 AM[hr
My favorite one in summer. A wife of my friend commented that I look like a genuine lady, and I was happy. Be careful not to get a cold.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

It's true you look like a genuine one. Can I ask you whether you have breasts ( tits, boobs ) ? I'm not sure, maybe small ones. But if you have how did you get them ?

=============

I remember from my childhood that I had to study ancient greek and roman texts. And some of those texts were about older men and young beautiful boys in bath houses. It's not my thing however. I remember going through a "phase" when I was 14 or so. I had feelings for one of my friends. I never told him. The feelings didn't stay long neither.

Wanting to be female however is from all times for me. I don't feel homosexual. I don't know whether I am metrosexual or whatever. I feel attracted to the feminine side. I don't like young boys at all. Especially not when they have flowers in their hair.  Hairy legs is also not what excites me.  And I can not imagine I would penetrate somebody without the proper "organ".

But a woman with a penis excites me. You can make love in many ways.  So I must be homosexual after all ? You could see it as liking some kind of energy. I'm difficult to understand I suppose.

Karen

[barbie]

I am not sure, but there are some people who admire transgender people. In my country, they are called 'lover', and in English, they may be called ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- or ->-bleeped-<- admirer http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/->-bleeped-<-_->-bleeped-<- . Also, I know some people are both crossdresser and ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-. I do not know exactly about my sexual orientation, but I once fell in love with a pretty boy, although it did not last long, but the felling was so strong. Probably I am not homophobic.

I do not have tits as usual women do. But my morphology sometimes makes me look having  A-cup. I mean when my waist is relatively small compared with my chest. Very skinny women could be like me. I sometimes wear A-cup bra as in the above photos.

Men and women tend to love in fantasy. I think love and sex itself is unrealistic and like a dream. ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s are the same, as I think.

Today, it's Monday and I was rather tired of writing a manuscript to publish. Writing in English is boring and difficult.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

I want to be what I admire or like in others.  Everybody has role models in their lives. Like a star you look up to.  Transgendered people can also be a role model for somebody.  Some of them are more beautiful than the original.

I had to pass a law exam recently. My wife didn't want to let me study. And then I told her, in order to understand the law you must become the law. You must become obsessed with what you are dealing with.  Putting a goal as high as possible might give you more chances or reaching perhaps a bit of it yourself.

Yes I do admire the transgendered, but especially the MTF ones.  I can live with anybodies point of view.  And what I admire myself I would like to become myself.

I'm Dutch speaking but I think in English.

[barbie]

Karen,

I also think transgendered people could be admired as much as other people.

I found that I am more popular among women than among men. And I have met a few men who are specially favourable to me, and they do not say why and I neither ask. If men like me, it could sound homosexual and it becomes a thorny issue. I do not want that kind of sex thing is ever involved in my everyday's social interactions with people. They are just kind to me whatever the reason is, and we can smile together.

I heard that there are some transgender bars where I have never been. Crossdressers or M2F transsexual serve there, and I heard that more than half of guests are actually women. And women tend to me more interested in my body shape than men, because more women look at me when I run outdoors or wear heels, and I see some women thrust out their heads through car windows to look back at me. Certainly they are very interested in their own body beauty. But most of men who chased me did not seem to care about their appearance.

Old men easily commented on me in my country like "That girl is too tall". It's ok when I was alone. But, in some case with my colleagues, for example, an old woman once admired me in an airport lounge by saying how smooth my body line is. Then one of my colleagues came out and explained in detail that I am a man. At first, she was not willing to accept it, and he continued, and so on. Of course, I was perplexed. I did not understand why he wanted the 'truth' so much. He is actually a nice guy, but does not understand or even think about what would be difficult for me.

Because of this reason, I prefer going out with some male colleagues who understand my situation better.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

I used to water ski. First I didn't notice it but then my teacher told me. She couldn't take her eyes of my legs. I had no idea. It also felt strange because I'm not used getting looked at or getting nice remarks.  I also don't search for it.  My wife told me I have nice legs also. They are especially in good shape. I mean some people have vein trouble.  I don't and I never will. 

I asked one of my colleagues what he thinks about my new friend from the internet. And then I showed him two of your pictures. He said you are nice. He didn't notice a man in it.

Look, if you dress up. With a mini skirt accentuating your body and then people look at you then you exactly achieved what you wanted to achieve. Saying then that that was not your intention is untrue. Because of the same logic I find it normal that men might get attracted to you. I am.  Because of several reasons. Because I'd like to be like you. Because I like the energy. Not because I want to have sex.  I'm also married. But admit you do look like a beautiful woman. It's like putting a cat next to the milk and then telling her she can not touch it. Of course people feel attracted to you, isn't that what you want ? At least for some part next to admiring yourself or simply feeling good.

Sex is ALWAYS around between men and women. And if you dress up like a woman like you do I think you should accept it. In my opinion it is even what you do it for. Not for the real thing but for the creation of the energy, for the thrill. Because it makes you feel good.

You know why I would like to be a woman ? One thing is that this was always with me since I was young, sure. But something else is that women have such a big influence on men. And it is this influence, power if you want, that attracts me. It is the woman who decides whether or not there will be sex, not the man. So you are a guy and you want to have sex. Because that's what your male hormones tell you to do. It's stronger than yourself, it is truly your obsession. But being a guy you're not the one deciding. So becoming a woman really gives you the ability to have sex whenever you want, maybe only the opportunity to.

If I would be a woman I would become a prostitute. I assure you. Not for the money but for the thrill of doing it.

If some men are nice to you or admire you then I think one of the reasons might be that secretly they want to be like you also. We are all a bit man and woman at the same time.

K.

[barbie]

Karen,

When I am busy working, my interest in fashion diminishes and I nearly forgot the desire to be a woman. Yesterday, I finished my first draft of manuscript and drunk some alcohol beverages at dinner with my colleagues. Although, we drink frequently and a lot, very few are alcoholic, because we seldom drink alone. Always with friends. Today I started writing my second manuscript. This week, I did not have time to wear foundation in the morning.

When I am free, sometimes I wish to be a woman. The desire can be extremely strong, and I remember how I eagerly I once wanted it at my 20's. Now my family is more important than that. Sacrifice for family is a virtue in my country. However, still I believe I am allowed to enjoy a little what I can do.

I feel uncomfortable when men look into me, but I enjoy attention from women. Even I become jealous of a few women, especially those having waist  smaller than mine. Fortunately, I have not yet seen a woman whose leg line looks better than mine, except those in advertisements, TV and hosiery covers. One of my cousins was a fashion model at her 20's and had legs like mine. I remember how I envied her, not because of her slim legs, but because she could wear such short hot  pants and I could not. Now, I do wear it, no longer envy her.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

I ignored myself for a very long time. And building a family has been a stressfull, even painfull experience for me an my wife. When you have 2 babies your body changes. ANd free time is over. No going to the gym.  Working, that's all. That's why running is easier as a sport also. You don't need much. My wife and I both went to the gym a lot before but not anymore.

But things are getting better. You know I had underwear and socks with holes in before ? I didn't want to spent anything because a house was needed. Also me working alone didn't improve much. But now things are better.

I have a terrible headache. It's wednesday and I took a free day.

I have this theory about chaos and what I would like to do, also for my work, is kind of make a chaos creator in order to take away chaos.  That's perhaps a big word for finding alternatives, analysing them and then keeping the best.  I need to work with uncertainty for my work, with RISK.  And for that I plan to make a model, an economic model.  I try to work on it whenever I can but it's difficult because there is always a shortage of time.  You can also call it econometrics because statistics are involved. Linking economical indicators to intrest rate behaviour.  IRS rate, Euribor, Libor, swaps, caps and floors, straight loans, inflation, ... that is my world now. I don't write manuscripts however.  No time.

I wanted to take a bath yesterday before to go sleep but I didn't have th energy anymore.  I will today, and I will paint my nails and perhaps go look for a night dress ?

Kaeren.

[barbie]

Karen,

I work from 9 to 6 pm, and relax in weekend. My workplace is very close from my home. Just 10 min by car, or 40 min by slow running. When running in the morning, I take shower at my work place. I have not got so much stress from working, and actually I try to enjoy my work. I have relatively many chances of travel, and I like it. I am very well known in my workplace where about 1,000 people work. A few woman employees seem to treat me like a movie star, and even consider it a privilege just to have a lunch with me, partially because I am more educated than them, and more important because of my hairs. Probably I have the longest hair among male employees in my country. And my country is traditionally very conservative, and most companies do not allow men's long hair, although there is no dress code.

I like to go outside with my daughter and she always keeps after me to go out. There are some words for women in my country. 'Agassi' is for unmarried young women, and 'Ajumma' is for married, aged women. With my daughter, people always call me 'Ajumma'. Although she is just 3 yrs old, my daughter is already very interested in fashion, begging her mom to purchase various accessories and clothes.

My first son seemed to try to give me a bouquet for fun.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

You have nice legs.  It's really difficult not to see you as a real woman. It's not a privilege to go eat with me.  Many times I go to T., my girlfriend from work, or she comes to me when it is noon.  Sometimes we go eat outside, or we go to the main shopping street which is really near. 

I don't like showing people anymore that I am educated because it got me in a lot of trouble.  I have 4 degrees.  How many people are like that ? But what's the point . I have my superior degree or rank anyhow now.

Nobody really knows about my state of mind and my wish to be more female. My girlfriend from work does. Maybe she told somebody ? I don't know.  On the whole I don't care. I have very short hair, military style let's say.  I have been an officer for a short while byt the way.

A normal day for me is getting up at 5 AM and coming home around 7 PM.  There is around 10 000 people where I work.  They are of all kinds of levels and work in all kinds of areas.  Almost no education untill highly educated.  I try to keep a low profile. I even hide myself a bit.  The less people know me the better. What I certainly don't want is to have my picture in the news.

So I'm a nobody and that's the way I like it. I am of the trojan kind. I work in silence.

Kaeren.

[barbie]

My short boots

Yesterday, a little tired all day as I had not slept well because I had drunken too much coffee (7 cups or more).

I do not wear heels at workplace, but in some weekends I do. Long boots are now popular here regardless of women's ages, but I do not have any, partly because my foot is 1 cm bigger than the usual, largest women's size 255 mm. Instead, I wear very short boots of US 10 women's size (265 mm) which I happened to purchase about 3 years ago. Despite 5 inch heel, it is very comfortable.

I realized that I have better put on it with skirt rather than with bootleg jeans, because the combination of boots and jeans makes me look aggressive and many people seemed to be overwhelmed by my height, wondering whether I am a man or woman.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

My foot is size 42.  It's a bit like you. Sizes for women normally stop at 41 and I am 42 as a foot.  But the I went to yesterday had boots of 41,5 and 42 for women. I found some that could look olike male ones also if hidden under the jeans. But then mly wife said that the really female ones are much better.

Kaeren

[barbie]

One of my favorite shoes is stiletto heel: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stiletto_heel .

Some people recommended me to wear stiletto, because bulky heels do not seem to match well with my skinny legs. I purchased one pair of US 9.5 women's size at dramatically discounted price. Strangely, it was still little bit larger for my foot, but no size problem so far. It's fine for walking in paved streets, but causes some problem in lawns and other unpaved roads as its heel sinks into the ground. Stiletto seems to be for life in metro areas.

I do not wear it frequently, as it may cause foot health problems.








Barbie~~

[tia]

Hi Barbie,

You certainly have a very feminine body and I wish that I had a body like yours. The clothes and style really fit well with you. In short, you really look fantastic. I am closet dresser and I wish I can come out in the open like you. It will take me some courage to do so, but hopefully sooner. I am a newbie to this forum, but I am already liking it. Do upload more pictures if you have. You are certainly an inspiration for me.

Hugs,
-Tia

[Kaeren]

An inspiration to me also.

It's a joy to see you. Each and every time.

Karen.

[barbie]

Today morning, when I returned to the room after smoking outside, I saw my second son of age 8 wake up and watch the Internet explorer screen of this thread. He can read English, and these photos of his dad....

Anyway, my kids already saw his dad wear skirts, heels and even bikini in the beach. But, regarding my photos, I am not quite sure how often they saw. As we share 2 pcs in the room, they probably saw some of them, although they never mention it to me.

I am a little bit concerned about my 2nd son, as he resembles me more than his elder brother. But, I will accept whatever he would choose as his destiny... I am almost ready for it. He is a very smart kid and very curious.

Kids know as much as adults.

Barbie~~





Posted on: December 02, 2007, 08:21:19 AM

Hi Barbie,

The clothes and style really fit well with you.

Hi, Tia,

Nice to meet you and thanks for compliments.

Without those clothes and cosmetics, I look more like a man rather than a woman. I just wear, decorate and pose to look like a woman when I wish to do. I have a lot photos both in man and women mode. For official meetings, I usually wear men's suits, although in some cases I wear women's.

A most important one for looking like a woman is I think the hair-style. Long hair may be a must. It is a time consuming task to rinse everyday, and most women told me that simply they can not afford to maintain long hair like mine.

Barbie~~