I cut off two family members

[Amoré]

I just cut off two family members that is my brother and my father. I just can't take being ignored anymore or being treated like a thing. They dead name me when everyone has moved on. They have a little anti Amore campaign with my steph mom that they try to get everyone to "Not support me" with the hope that it would scare me into changing my mind if I lose everyone. Well I am willing to lose people but not lose myself again because what is life if I lost myself?

I am sad because I gave so much of my life up for these people to make them happy and you know what they do when you stop living for them and start living for yourself you only realize that they are only living for themselves and was needy people that needed you to be that brother and son because it boosted their ego.

It is a very sad day for me but it is a heap off my shoulders. I just could not take being dead named and being called the wrong pronouns anymore. I just can't be that guy. I can't have them keep me alive by what they think is in my pants because you have a penis you are still a man. I don't even pass as a man anymore. I didn't know what to do but I deleted their numbers off my phone. I am just so tired of going round and round and saying I am sorry to them. I don't have anything to be sorry about because how on earth are you sorry for being who you are.

[Rachel]

Amore, I am sorry you had to do this but am glad you took a stand. You are 100% correct, you are being who you are and they are not accepting, their loss.

[Erika_Courtney]

As hard as this road is and from your other post how hard this road has been for you personally, you need family support more then ever. Just because you accept a family member as transgender, does not mean you need to change who you are, you need to get over yourself and be there for your loved ones.

As hard as it is to cut off a family member or members those could be signs of bigger problems that they have. In the long run, distance may be better for you, especially if there goal was to control you. I would like to say that over time they will realize there mistake and try to make amends, but I fear they have deeper problems that will never allow them to see the light.

[VickyJones89]

I am so sorry for you Amore, you deserve to be treated right. You treated them right and they are cis. I know there's the argument for why do I have to change words around just cause we feel different about ourselves after so many years, but honestly how hard is it to say a simple word or name. It might take some time but it's truly not that hard. When I first came out in 2014 as Skylar my mother said she supported me and wanted to go shopping and all that happy mother daughter stuff, but one day I got on her Facebook and saw her bad mouthing me and calling me a freak to her friends yeah it hurts now because we love them, they are family but in the end family is not just about blood, it's about respect and loyalty as well. If you can't respect me, then you ain't family to me keep up the amazing work. Hugs ~ Vicky

[Laurie]

Hi Amore,

  I can tell this has been and is hard for you with your father and brother but I think your decision is a correct one. If they are actively working against you then they do not have your best interests in mind.
  Your doing this is the right thing for yourself and that is as it should be.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Alex81]

As much as it sucks to say... Good!

You don't need toxic people in your life while you're doing something hugely important for yourself. Hopefully down the road they will realize how much of crap people they were being and will accept you for how you want to be, and now how they want you to be. Till then, good riddance.

[Cimara]

I am sorry you had to do that. My boyfriend recently cut his mother out of his life because she did the same kind of things to him that your dad and brother did to you. It is hard on him and I feel really bad that it hurts him. But I am SO happy to have that small minded abominable woman out of our lives.

[bubbles21]

Kick em to the curb. You'll be better and stronger for it. That's the kind of family support that you don't want. More power to you darlin', now you can focus more on yourself and the things that make you happy.

Hugs x

[Amoré]

Thanx for the support in this sad time in my life. My brothers wedding is coming up in October and I don't even know if I want to go anymore. I am going to dress as me in a beautiful dress and everyone is going to have something to say. I am just so tired of it all. They already had a fight with me about what I am going to wear. I said well I am going to dress like I am supposed to dress how funny would a woman in formal mens clothes look. But I am not in the mood for the anti Amore group trying to bash me at the wedding.

I am just a bit paranoid about it all because I know them.

[josie76]

I'm sorry you had this happen. If your brother is not ok with you being yourself then don't go to his wedding. The last thing you need is to have such a negative experience in such a public setting. If, as you say, you know them, then avoid them.

[VickyJones89]

^^^^^ best answer right there....however the selfish girl in me says go in a beautiful dress I'd ravel in that chance and be like yeah y'all I'm this beautiful woman check me out

[Amoré]

^^^^^ best answer right there....however the selfish girl in me says go in a beautiful dress I'd ravel in that chance and be like yeah y'all I'm this beautiful woman check me out

LOL that was the idea to show them that I am this beautiful woman now.

[VickyJones89]

High five girlfriend! Wear the dress, don't let them win. I feel by not going you're letting them win. So wear the dress proud. Wish I could!!

[Cimara]

I agree. You should go and show everyone the beautiful woman you have become. If your family members misgender you or use the wrong name it just makes them look stupid. If you have to cut family members out of your life then let their last memory of you be the person you are. Not the person you were.
Hugs

[staciM]

It "sounds" fun to go the wedding and show everyone how you have blossomed, but the reality is if you ever have future plans to reconcile with your family a (potential) big scene at a major life event would most certainly hurt those chances.   That day is about the bride and anything taken away from her is fuel for their bigotry.  Hopefully the tensions can ease before October and you can all enjoy the day together (as you), but if not, my opinion is skip it and move on.

[Cimara]

As for misgendering and using the wrong name I thought you might enjoy this. My bf had to cut his mother out because of the same issues you had with your dad and brother. Only she would do it in public trying to embarass him. We were at Walmart once and she was misgendering him and calling him his old name. There was this guy in the aisle with us and he was watching all this. Finally Lucas had enough and told her to knock it the (word not allowed) off. She said " I am your mother. Don't ever speak to me like that again young lady!" The guy who had been watching actually came up and asked her why she kept calling "that dude" she and young lady. His mother said " not that it is your business but SHE is my daughter!"  The guy looked Lucas up and down and he said " yeah well obviously not anymore.  You might want to get with the program because you look like a psycho nut case calling him young lady." I almost died laughing. Only at Walmart. Lol

[Amoré]

As for misgendering and using the wrong name I thought you might enjoy this. My bf had to cut his mother out because of the same issues you had with your dad and brother. Only she would do it in public trying to embarass him. We were at Walmart once and she was misgendering him and calling him his old name. There was this guy in the aisle with us and he was watching all this. Finally Lucas had enough and told her to knock it the (word not allowed) off. She said " I am your mother. Don't ever speak to me like that again young lady!" The guy who had been watching actually came up and asked her why she kept calling "that dude" she and young lady. His mother said " not that it is your business but SHE is my daughter!"  The guy looked Lucas up and down and he said " yeah well obviously not anymore.  You might want to get with the program because you look like a psycho nut case calling him young lady." I almost died laughing. Only at Walmart. Lol

This sounds like something my dad would do. He insisted on calling me by my dead name as it is the name that he gave me. He also insists on calling me male pronouns because that is how he knows me. So I would like for someone to walk up to him and tell him this.

[Cimara]

People just do not realize how stupid they look doing this. From your picture I would say you pass 100%. Your dad looks just as crazy misgendering you as my boyfriend's mother. Though not many people will actually say something I am sure they think your dad is a little off. Sometimes when his mother would misgender Lucas in public I would see people giggle, mouth the word OK and make the crazy sign with there finger on the side of their head. As someone said in another post you could always turn the embarrassment around. When your father misgenders you you could say

"oh poor thing you must be getting overtired again. Lets get you back to the home so you can have your medication. I guess an outing was too much for you right now. You aren't hearing the voices again are you ?"

[Dena]

What I find amazing about this thread is your father was by your bedside when you were recovering from a suicide attempt and he still doesn't understand how serious this is. We can stuff it back in the bottle for a short time but over the long term if it comes down to us or them, us is going to win.

[The Flying Lemur]

I'm a big advocate of spending your time and energy on people who respect and support you, and not on those who are determined to tear you down.  I'm also really sorry to hear about your suicide attempt.  I've been suicidal many times in the past, and it's a horrible place to be.  If your father and brother are feeding into those suicidal feelings, you have an obligation to yourself to avoid them.  It's literally a matter of life and death. 

It's obviously your choice whether or not to go to your brother's wedding, but if you do go, I suggest you do it cautiously.  These people know you better than just about anyone, and it sounds like they're out to hurt you.  You may start the day feeling as beautiful and confident as you possibly can, only to have one of these unsupportive people say something ingeniously crafted to cut you to the heart in public.  And if you have no strong allies there, you'll be all alone.   Only you know how big a dent that might make in your mental health.

Please treat yourself and your life as precious.  That means avoiding people and situations that sap your will to live.