so, in short, some things have finally been put in motion and am being sent for evaluation. they sent this questionnaire thingy i have to fill in which is complete bs really and they just wanna tick their boxes but whatever. that isn't what this post will be about.
they ask stuff like: how are you feeling now you're taking your whatever?
excuse, i've not even started any of that, shows how much they look at you as a person. haha, i sound bitter
anyway, so i'm ftm. and my first memory is me in a crib and my father saying to someone: look at 'her'. and i thought that wasn't right.
so i'm ftm or so they say or so i believe. or so everything points to. anyway, my situation is i really do like looking like a girl, just not being one.
so say i went all the way transitioning, ops, hormones, etc. it'd still be the same case. like looking like one but not being one and you'd go out on street and they'd still look at you funny, judging. just in a different way than now.
'cause people in general obsess over the physical so much. like tbh i feel very detached from everything physical at the moment and have done for years. stuff gets done, limbs get moved but it feels alien.
so point is i guess idk what the point is. maybe just a vent. irl i talk to noone about this. they either don't get it or think i'm ok or don't care. so i don't talk to them about it, i don't even want to talk about it, i don't even want to talk to these therapists. talking is so old and idk what to even say. i just want to it ended (not in myself, in society around me/us and in people who know me) or changed. and idk
btw, hi.
