So I did a thing...

[AlyssaJ]

When I first started to realize I might be transgender, I went searching for other people had started a MtF transition at my age.  I wanted to see what their results were like.  I wanted to hear about the issues they had in dealing with their families.  I wanted to know what health issues they faced.

Well the problem I had is that it was very difficult to find anyone that really matched up to me.  While I've seen it stated that the average age for transitioning is 40, I had a surprisingly hard time finding resources from trans women in that age group.  Plenty of 20-30 year-old, a fair number of 50+ but 30-45 was a tough age group to find.

During the early stages of my coming out, I was writing letters to my wife, my family, my friends, etc. The feedback I got from many people to whom these letters were addressed or with whom they were shared by the addressee (with my permission of course) was that I should write a blog.  That my writing style and explanation made it easier for them to understand this "whole transgender thing".

After a lot of deliberation, I've gone and done it.  I started a blog.  Now I know, there are tens of thousands of blogs from trans women on the internet. So if you ask how mine is different, well I can't really tell you.  Given the difficulty I had finding people in my age group, I'm hopeful that it'll help fill that apparent void so that others who might be looking to start transitioning around my age may have someone they can identify with.  At minimum, it will do me good to put on virtual paper, many of the thoughts that I've had and will continue to have as I go through this journey.

If you're interested or know someone who might benefit from this type of blog: http://transitionat40.com/

[Denise]

Funny you should mention the lack of transitioning people in their 40s.  I've noticed the same thing.

A theory that I have after talking to me therapist is younger people have it real bad.  Older transitioners lasted through the "I've done what people expected of me.  Now it's my turn.". Once the brain gets into that mode, you can't stop it.

I subconsciously put off transitioning by going back to get my Master's degree.  I put in so much time and energy into it that it kept the voices at rest.  18 months after completing that... I couldn't take it any longer.

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[sarah1972]

Thanks for putting this together...

I am a few weeks away from turning 45. On HRT since January and pretty much full time and out to everyone for about 2 weeks :-)

So right there in the age group...

[AlyssaJ]

Funny you should mention the lack of transitioning people in their 40s.  I've noticed the same thing.

A theory that I have after talking to me therapist is younger people have it real bad.  Older transitioners lasted through the "I've done what people expected of me.  Now it's my turn.". Once the brain gets into that mode, you can't stop it.

I subconsciously put off transitioning by going back to get my Master's degree.  I put in so much time and energy into it that it kept the voices at rest.  18 months after completing that... I couldn't take it any longer.

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My theory is somewhat similar.  I think people in the 20-30 age group are young enough that they came to terms with their reality before they had constructed a huge life with marriage, kids, career, etc.  Additionally their generation is more open and accepting of gender non-conformity and such so their more apt to be open and share their experiences.  As you mentioned, those over 50 have gotten the kids out of the home, have lived for everyone else for so long that now it's time for them to live for themselves.

I think people in the 35-45 range however are more likely to be in the prime of their careers, have small or school-aged children, a marriage, etc. As a result they have more to lose and are less likely to want to share their information publicly.  So while I believe there are many of us out there, few are very public about who they are and what they're going through.

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Thanks for putting this together...

I am a few weeks away from turning 45. On HRT since January and pretty much full time and out to everyone for about 2 weeks :-)

So right there in the age group...

Nice! I'm Sarah and I'll also be 45 in a few weeks... Cool. 😊

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[DawnOday]

I posit the reason why is because DES was discontinued as a  prevention to miscarriage in 1972, thus a reduction in victims. Use of GMO's did not become rampant until 1996 and that may be causing youngsters to be coming out. But you may be a second generation victim of DES known as DES grandchildren and there would be a reduction of people affected during your birth period. 

[Tommi]

I'm 42 now. Out to everyone except employer. Starting HRT this week. This is relevant to my interests

--
"You do realize, this means you get to do character creation & the newbie zone all over again? "

[KathyLauren]

I was probably closer to figuring all this out in my 30s than I was in my 40s.  The question I faced was, do I feel this way because I am still single or am I still single because I feel this way?  The right answer was B, but I didn't know that at the time.

In my 40s, I tried the whole dating thing in an effort to check out the first possibility.  Met a good woman; got married.  No regrets: we are still married.  But that pretty much took care of my 40s and 50s.  Now I am realizing that the other possibility was closer to the truth.

Maybe my pattern is close to typical.  Maybe people's 40s are when they are trying one last kick at normalcy before finally giving up on denial.

[Jessica-Light]

I'm 19 and started my transition just before entering high school. My mom has always been so supportive of me since the days I was 5 wanting to dress up, play with make up, ect. My dad didn't feel the same way sadly and there is still a lot of tension between the both of us.

My mom and dad divorced when I was in Grade 5 / 6 which also played a great role in my mom allowing me to transition at such a young age... If my dad was still in the picture at that time I'm sure it would of been a very different story for me.

On summer break before entering my first year of high school my mom took me out for lunch and we had a LONG talk about everything. She realized what I was feeling was much more than a phase and told me the option was there if I truly believed this was who I was meant to be... Obviously I didn't second guess and have no regrets.

In my mid teens my mom and dad decided to work things out and are currently back together... This created hostility within my family but I try to remain strong and positive for the most part. I still love my dad even though he has openly protested his shame, anger and hate for me... Why I stand up for him to my mom when they fight about my life and everything that's happened is far beyond my comprehension... I have hope he will come around eventually... He never kicked me out or left my mom so I have a feeling he wants to love and accept me but the way he was raised has him a bit torn and conflicted... I may be naïve and giving him to much credit but, I try to keep a positive outlook on life.

Although, I can't speak on any other alternate reality I could of lived but, I feel if I was over 40 years of age and was finally able to be the person I felt I was meant to be - I wouldn't hesitate one second. I was fortunate enough to have the right events occur in my life for this to be possible for me and I'm truly thankful for it.

Don't let anything hold you back! You only get one life to live - Live it the way you were truly meant to live it. Your happiness deserves it

*EDIT*

I forgot to mention - I agree the most ideal age to start is around your late teen / early 20s for many reasons... I was young and surrounded by a bunch of kids who couldn't grasp the idea of who I really was... I was called every name you could possibly think of, jumped and beaten up many times, had things stolen from me, introduced to people with rotten personalities who were 2 faced and made me the center of an ongoing joke. It was rough. I cried many times and wished I could of been what society deemed 'normal' to just fit in for once. I made friends but I could always count them on one finger which is good and bad all in itself. I understood from a young age I was different from others so there were many times my good friends would go to parties, events, dances where I wasn't aloud to go or accepted to join in based on who I was. I didn't hold my friends responsible for going and leaving me behind for social gatherings I really wanted to join in on also. The few times I actually did attend hang outs after school I was just a target for people to get amusement out of. No matter what age you are it's going to be tough no matter what - You just have to be strong and try to understand why people don't like you the best way you can.

[josie76]

I posit the reason why is because DES was discontinued as a  prevention to miscarriage in 1972, thus a reduction in victims. Use of GMO's did not become rampant until 1996 and that may be causing youngsters to be coming out. But you may be a second generation victim of DES known as DES grandchildren and there would be a reduction of people affected during your birth period.

While it was "counter indicated" for miscarriage prevention by the FDA, it was still available to be prescribed and was added to other prescriptions through the 1970s. The FDA banned it for human use in 2000. I think DES in prescription prenatal vitamins explains a lot for some of us. I'm 40 and just finally came out. I've known some pieces of my thing my whole life but never put a name to it or considered that there was any way to ever be my real self in this lifetime. I've been looking for a reason why I am who I am. Thus far DES is the most like reason. My mom took prescription prenatal a but she has no idea what was in them. For me I just want to know. I have ruled out trisomy23 (klienfelters) with a blood test. I am still considering getting genome testing for AIS. Why, just my natural want for a reason for everything.

[Sarah_P]

I'm 41. Only waited this long because I was too scared to move forward (for a whole decade...).  Still getting things started. Came out to my best friend, his wife, my step-mother & my 2 bosses at work. So far everyone's been amazingly understanding & supportive . I've still got 2 more male friends I haven't talked to. Will be meeting one of them this weekend. I haven't had any female friends for years. I think I was intentionally avoiding them out of jealousy or something. Though since telling her I think one of the ladies at work is becoming a good friend (today she gave me a ton of info & recommendations for makeup & such).
Anyway, I like your blog. It's interesting to find out where we all came from. I've been thinking of keeping a journal, though I don't know if I'd ever make a blog myself.

[Another Nikki]

45.  not outwardly transitioning because of kids and family.  waiting for the kids to hit
a certain age and to complete a couple career objectives.  in my early 20's i knew but
was scared of how my life might have turned out if i was out or transitioned.

it's been a long time,  but iirc this a contrapositive to your hypothesis.

[Georgette]

I see what you are talking about.  I see quite a few in that 20s-30s, few in the 40s, most are in the 50s +.
I also see quite a few in their teens in HS, and will probably transition once they are 18+.

Back when I did mine when 23-26, I had very little invested with a male world.  I had struggled with it from my teens to about early 20s.
There were a few like me 20s-30s, few in the 40s, and most in the 50s.  I think it is for similar reasons you put out.

My partner was 40 when she started at the same time as me.  She had an ex-wife that agreed that she needed to do it.  But she did have two young children that knew nothing about it.

[coldHeart]

Thank you Alyssa for that post I,m about the same age as you & your right there is not much help for that age bracket, 20-30 must don't have responsibility 50-70 are normally divorced or have grown up children the 30-50 are normally still married with young kid plus a mortgage so have the most to lose but I could be wrong so like you when I started to transition my would came down with a bang. Sara