My boyfriend's ready to go public...

[Jessica-Light]

I've been "out" as long as I can remember - openly protesting my desire to be a female in front of family and friends . My mom waited a few years to observe my behaviour and finally realized my belief was not a phase that was going to pass. Before my first year of high school my mom had arranged many appointments and sessions with doctors and gender therapist without my knowledge. She took me out for lunch one day and told me if this was what I wanted to be she would support me and help me along the way.

So here I am - 19 trying to live the best way I can as trans in a world divided on the person I feel I was meant to be.

I knew my boyfriend who is a year older than me for a few years before he confessed his feelings to me. We have been dating for a little over a year now and he has always claimed to be ready and secure enough to go "public" which is absolutely wonderful because I don't want to hide who I am - especially when everyone already knows.

We have been low key about our relationship and that has been solely because of my decision in fear of destroying everything we have built as a couple. I know he says he wants everyone to know about us but, that is much easier said than done... I'm worried about the reaction he will receive from his family and friends to the point where he may feel he has made a mistake. I want the best for him and care about him in every way possible.

He has been pressuring me more recently which makes me happy but unsure... The part that scares me the most is that he wants me to be there with him when he tells his parents. I'm nervous and terrified for this moment because I feel they will not take it well. It was hard enough on my own dealing with the negative response from majority of my family and I panic when I think I may have to witness the very same thing with someone I love. As I said in other threads, I don't want to hide who I am but I also don't want to feel like I ruined his life if his parents reject him or me. How could I live with myself after? This is a major step for the both of us and I don't know how to calm my nerves when this time comes... I don't want to lose him or have him be convinced by his family and friends that I'm not the girl for him... *sigh*

Should I just suck it up and face the storm and hope for the best? Should I convince him to lie about me? Should I leave him so he may be better off from dealing with the head ache I may most likely cause for him? I'm really torn with this entire situation. Sorry for the rambling... I just really needed to vent this.

[KathyLauren]

I understand your fear, but I think it is misplaced.  Your boyfriend is entitled to choose to be with whomever he wants, as are you.  He has chosen you, and you are both happy with that situation.  If his parents have a problem with that, they are the cause of the trouble, not you.  You cannot hold yourself responsible for their reaction.

The situation could get ugly, no lie, and perhaps you want to consider whether or not you want to be in the room at the time.  That is fair.  But it is not a reason to leave him.  Any grief he gets from them is an indication of how much he is willing to put up with to defend you.  That is the kind of man you want to stay with: someone who will stick up for you.

It doesn't sound to me, based on how you describe him and his approach to talking to his parents, that he is the type to cave in to pressure and reject you on their insistence.  But, if that is what happens, that is the time to reconsider the relationship, not before.

[Charlie Nicki]

Should I just suck it up and face the storm and hope for the best?

I think you already have the answer

My therapist once told me: We need to allow people to discriminate against us... Meaning, we need to allow them to form their own opinions about us instead of us discriminating ourselves by having this type of attitude. Worrying about something that hasn't happened (and might not happen at all) isn't good for you or your relationship. Secrecy isn't either.

So my advice is: Be honest, hope for the best, smile, and let them think whatever they're gonna think. Don't rule yourself out because of your fears.

[Daisy Jane]

I think you already have the answer

My therapist once told me: We need to allow people to discriminate against us... Meaning, we need to allow them to form their own opinions about us instead of us discriminating ourselves by having this type of attitude. Worrying about something that hasn't happened (and might not happen at all) isn't good for you or your relationship. Secrecy isn't either.

So my advice is: Be honest, hope for the best, smile, and let them think whatever they're gonna think. Don't rule yourself out because of your fears.

Wow! I love this!