Transition in 1970s/1980s/1990s

[tgirlamg]

We all owe a debt to those who came before us... Our path is so much easier because they blazed the trail... We can also improve things for those who will follow us...sometimes we do the most good by just by living happy, successful lives. The first time I met a transgender woman, one who had transitioned in the 80s, my decision was made... She can do it... I can do it!!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place Lisa_K. I am a bit older than you with a birth date of 1951 and I was a little slow figuring it out as I didn't know until age 13. I finished college and started working in1973. It took me from 1974 until 1982 to work my way through therapy and receive surgery at the age of 30. Part of the problem was my location in Phoenix as there was nothing in the way of treatment. The other issues is while my parents didn't kick me out, it took years for my mother to understand and my father never did. Helping other avoid the difficulties that I faced is the primary reason I work with others on this site. I hope to get to know you a little better now that you have made your first post.

[Lisa_K]

... Part of the problem was my location in Phoenix as there was nothing in the way of treatment.

Tell me about it! I grew up in Phoenix and you're right, there was nothing here. Fortunately, my folks found someone with knowledge and experience in Tucson so we had to trek down there for each appointment. I never did any sort of group thing and like I said, had never even spoken to another trans person until I checked in for SRS. BTW, you're a Biber girl too, aren't you?

The other issues is while my parents didn't kick me out, it took years for my mother to understand and my father never did.

It's funny how parents can make such a difference. I think my mom figured things out by the time I started kindergarten? I was certainly encouraged to be more like other boys but my nature was never suppressed. As far as I'm concerned, her and my step-dad were really the trailblazers here, not me. Without their love, support and acceptance, I seriously doubt I would have made it. I'm still not convinced they weren't from the future or aliens or something but I will be eternally grateful and feel blessed for all they did for me. I've had a good life and they did so much to get me off to a proper start.

Helping other avoid the difficulties that I faced is the primary reason I work with others on this site. I hope to get to know you a little better now that you have made your first post.

I don't think I really have much help to offer other than maybe the occasional amusing anecdote or perhaps a few reassuring words to the parents of trans youth and I'm involved as a resource at Gender Spectrum for that. It is hard to relate to most that post here as I transitioned so young and didn't go through the same hardships and confusion that many face which in turn, often times makes others having a hard time relating to me. It's hard to not feel like a minority inside of a minority.

I'd like to get to know some of you better too but it remains to be seen how much I will post as a lot of my own views and opinions probably aren't well aligned with the site's ideology but I will try to behave myself. Honest!

[SadieBlake]

I'm also in our older cohort, as difficult as it was for all of us, I could have wished for parents as understanding as yours lisa_k. I was born in 56 and in the time and place of my childhood of course deviance from gender norm was taken as being gay.

All through my school years I struggled with wanting to spend my time with the girls, the result included bullying and my abusive family taught me pretty quickly that the only way to survive was to socialize male. I did, I conformed and even eventually excelled in things masculine until I was a successful but extremely unhappy and socially withdrawn adult.

After a divorce that left me suicidally depressed I began to explore all of the things I'd denied myself in my sexuality and the thing that really stuck was cross dressing which I soon realized ran deeper and from that point I identified as transexual. This was late 90s and there was slow change and acceptance but it was also an uphill path for trans women who didn't pass.

So from about '98 I decided against medical intervention but embarked on a path towards transitioning socially. About 4 years ago I realized I was spiralling back into severe depression and while there were a lot of specific facets, every time we worked through a specific issue there was gender / identity always a part of it.

So two years ago I decided it was time to pursue transition. It took months to get an appointment with an endocrinologist but once that was done and I started HRT I immediately knew there was no going back. Now I'm just glad it all came together. The last 20 years of just believing I'm a girl has culminated in a very happy conclusion.

[brazilliangirl89]

Lisa_K: I love to hear your story. I'm glad your parents accepted you.

At 17 I was also a girl with long blonde hair... after four years on hormones, people usually treated me with feminine pronoums, the ones that didn't know about me. Unfortunally, mommie dearest forced me to present in "boy mode" , but I just looked like a girl with masculine clothes, and didn't allow me to live as a girl even though everyone around me saw me as a girl.
I lived in a very small town, and I knew I had to get out of there. So, I was accepted in college, in another city, and since she could not pay for a place only for me, decided that it would be better to put me in a dorm only for boys and men. It was hell... I was obviously different from them. I was afraid they might rape me, thak God that never happened. But it was a very traumatic experience. I had to conceal my female appearance.
When the seniors of my college saw me they said: you are beautiful, what was your name? And I had to say my male name, they looked me like I was a freak. Everytime someone asked me my name, I had to tell my old name (I was so afraid of my mother) and everyone was like WTF.
Finally, at 20 years old, I had enough and went full time.

[Lisa_K]

Brazilliangirl89, your story sounds similar and is very relatable. I was very lucky to have understanding parents and I still don't know how I was so fortunate considering this was all so long ago. I can't imagine being in a men's dorm but do know the anguish of looking like one thing and being accepted as such by many but then having to maintain some sense of a boy's identity regardless of how ridiculous or inadequate it was. That was me in high school, for sure and I too was looked upon as a freakish queer "it".

School was the only thing holding me back and I pushed the boundaries as hard as I could. Graduating and immediately going full time was a breath of fresh air for me as well as my folks as they were as tired of the struggle as I was. Half of it for them was dealing with the school and doctors and worry over my safety and the other half was with me and all the battles of what I could wear and how I could look. My mom and I had some epic screaming matches! When all that melted away, it was a relief and calmer times for everyone. It was almost like magic how I suddenly fit into the world so much better and I know this gave my folks some hope for my future and that I was going to be okay.

I'm also in our older cohort...

There's a wealth of trans people near my age but the difference I've come across online is that very few of them didn't go the route of trying to be a guy and overcompensating due to societal or familial pressures and concerns. Certainly, all of us can point to things in our childhood - memories or unfulfilled desires and repression and denial but I was given the opportunity to more openly express myself and never fell into this trap of waiting 10, 20 or 40 or 50 years trying to please other people by fitting in. Maybe it was just a lack of strength or determination on my part but I could never do this. The bullying, harassment and beatings because of my manner and appearance just seemed to be a part of normal childhood to me. I didn't know how to be any different than I was and thought that everyone had to go through the same things and I didn't really realize the special hell I was going through or why. Undoubtedly, the name calling gave me a clue as to what others saw different in me but I was just a shy, quiet and sensitive kid that didn't really understand what all the fuss was about until I got a little older. I hear that many of us wish we could have started sooner which seems to be universal. Even someone like me looks back and thinks after the 4th grade would have been the optimal time to transition but I don't fret over it because it would have been simply impossible during that time period. Even transitioning in 1973 at 18 was extremely rare in those days, at least in my neck 'o the woods.

When one deals with this on a day-to-day basis as a child and then a teenager and manages to work through it, it is simply a different life experience than someone going through these things in later years. Without question, some commonalities exist but at times it feels like there is a vast chasm between those that have had lives as men and those that have not. I've lived the entirety of my adult life as a woman that began as a teenage girl living under my parent's roof. We see this in the media today with trans kids that transition at an early age but this is a fairly recent phenomenon and none of them have yet to live 45 years of their life this way like I have. There's a lot I can find in common with our recent crop of trans kids but the fact that I'm old enough to be the parents of their parents offsets and distances me from the situations I find most relevant to my experience. It is isolating when I stop to think about it so I try not to. We're all outliers to some degree but I excel at it and it is weird for me sometimes. None of what I've been through makes me any better than anyone or special or more "real", just a little different and occasionally, I find my uniqueness and lack of strong shared experiences with others to be annoying.

[Dena]

Tell me about it! I grew up in Phoenix and you're right, there was nothing here. Fortunately, my folks found someone with knowledge and experience in Tucson so we had to trek down there for each appointment. I never did any sort of group thing and like I said, had never even spoken to another trans person until I checked in for SRS. BTW, you're a Biber girl too, aren't you?

I was a bit different in that I had to move to California in order to locate treatment. It seems that there were a few more doctors around California that I didn't know about and one gender surgeon that I was aware of. At that time, Biber was considered the best in the business so I used him as well however I only had the first stage of surgery because I didn't know what the second would do. Now Phoenix has several therapist and a couple of surgeons. Strangest part of it is when I was attending college, I would drive right by the location of Dr Meltzer's office everyday. If only I had time travel back then.

It's funny how parents can make such a difference. I think my mom figured things out by the time I started kindergarten? I was certainly encouraged to be more like other boys but my nature was never suppressed. As far as I'm concerned, her and my step-dad were really the trailblazers here, not me. Without their love, support and acceptance, I seriously doubt I would have made it. I'm still not convinced they weren't from the future or aliens or something but I will be eternally grateful and feel blessed for all they did for me. I've had a good life and they did so much to get me off to a proper start.

I accepted what I was early on but I knew that there wasn't anything I could do about it. I was also pretty fearful of getting kicked out of the house so I contained it as long as I could. When I came out, there was no other option for me as getting kicked out of the house was less of a threat than surviving much longer.

I don't think I really have much help to offer other than maybe the occasional amusing anecdote or perhaps a few reassuring words to the parents of trans youth and I'm involved as a resource at Gender Spectrum for that. It is hard to relate to most that post here as I transitioned so young and didn't go through the same hardships and confusion that many face which in turn, often times makes others having a hard time relating to me. It's hard to not feel like a minority inside of a minority.

You would be surprised at the number of topics I have offered assistance on. My strong subjects are normally the head game and voice but people come here with almost any life issue you can think of. There are problems I don't comment on because others are handling it better or I don't know a good solution to the problem.  Still you may find that you can help others as much of what we know still applies today.

I'd like to get to know some of you better too but it remains to be seen how much I will post as a lot of my own views and opinions probably aren't well aligned with the site's ideology but I will try to behave myself. Honest!

I have views that run counter to the site as well and when I touch on one of those posts, I have to be very, very careful what I say as it's not good when a moderator causes a thread to blow up. Moderators are supposed to know better and I do. Mostly we tolerate TOS violations as long as they aren't repeated so I wouldn't think that you would have problems on this site.

[brazilliangirl89]

In Brazil you don't have to have a prescription to buy hormones, so there were a lot of girls who transitioned at their teens. When I was at Thailand to have my GRS, I met a girl who started spironolactone at 12. For both of us was kind of instinctive to find a way to obtain hormones. However most of the young transitioners in my country were, before de 2000's, mostly working as prostitutes ou hairdressers.  A lot of them made tons of money working at Europe as sex workers. I admire them a lot, because it is not an easy thing to do. However I didn't have many rolemodels of woman in my situation, meaning, transitioning young and manage to have a normal career. So I didn't know what to expect.

[Lucy Ross]

In 1992 Chrysalis Quarterly published a fascinating account of the North American gender clinics.  Much of how they conducted business was dismaying, to say the least:

The clinics' notions of "passing"
were simplistic and sexist. They
forced unrealistic stereotypes of
femininity and masculinity on transsexual
men and women (Bolin,
1985; Raymond, 1979). The drag
queens were the unfortunate standards
for comparison. Those who
were not Marilyn Monroe burlesques
of womanhood (or John
Wayne parodies of manhood) were
"not transsexual." Those who did
not dress seductively and sexily or
otherwise subscribe to the stereotypes,
or who were naive or foolish
enough to show up for evaluation
not looking like Jayne Mansfield
were rejected. Presenting as what
one actually was, rather than what
one hoped to be, was a sure way
to be denied services.

My first trip to the gender clinic
was in the summer of '86. I
remember two doctors in particular,
a woman and a man. They
were very obstructionistic. "You'll
never be happy.  You'll always be
lonely.  If you have a male partner,
he'll be of below average intelli-
gence, a homosexual, or a crimi-
nal."  "How can you be sure
of that?"  "We just know it."

Lisa_K mentions John Hopkins being a "mess," if she's still around perhaps she could tell us more. 

Chrysalis Quarterly has some great reading - Vol. 5 has the best article on ->-bleeped-<- through history that I've read.

(modified to fix typos)

[JoanneB]

I am a Pre-Jurasaic dinosaur, born in 1956. I got the message LOUD and clear from mom about the age of 4 that boys do not wear skirts. Coming from that era, recent immigrant very hard working blue collar city, anyone gay was almost unheard of and any thing trans was lumped in with drag-queens.

Still that did not deter me from. When I was in high school, about age 16 or so? The Christine Jorgenson Story played on network TV. It was a total shock. So totally different then the fantasy (or real?) ->-bleeped-<-/CD stories I've read. At the end of the movie was a short public service message from The Erik Ericson Foundation. I think at the time it was like the only known "center" for information and probably more about Transgender.  I instantly wrote down the address and sent off my request 

Towards the last year of uni, 1978, I started my first transition "Experiment". Testing the waters for a 6ft tall transwoman in a world where I towered over the average male. After a few disastrous outings the experiment ended. Like WTF was I thinking   So much for starting fresh after uni.

A few years later the GD got really bad. Another "experiment". Another utter fail. TBH - I was not prepared emotionally at all for the challenges. I did learn this time the magic of HRT. Even at the low doses I was taking I found some peace. 

Like Moni said, much of the "Practical" knowledge of how to do anything was gotten from the streets. By this time TV/CD was becoming more known, even Playboy ran an article or two(?) on a TV boutique just across the river from me in New York City. There were CD/TV publications readily available. Some even offering premarin for sale. Known back then as "Purple Footballs" for the 10mG(?) pills. The concept of an anti-androgen was essentially unknown. Any trans-women I've known back then had street access to HRT. Finding an endocrinologist was almost impossible.

The world for MTF's was changing fast around that time. By the middle 70's, I believe, Dr Biber was already doing SRS in Trinadad, Colorado. Still, about all the MTF's I've met back then today you would say they were totally stealth. It was about the only way you could survive and make a living. Even being a "Kept Woman" in some cases, if you were really lucky.  (This was New York City after all).

About this same time, like Moni mentioned, Rene Richards also was in the headlines.  In 1981 there was the little known by all TS in a James Bond movie, Tula playing a lead role of sorts in 1981's For Your Eyes Only.

This old dinosaur can certainly say, then even 2000 it was a totally different, and better, world to be trans in compared to 20 years earlier. Today it is even better. I hope the trend continues as world-wide, as well as in the so called "developed" world, there is still a long way to go just to be mildly accepted and not fair game for "->-bleeped-<-" jokes

[amandam]

Thanks so much I didn't know about this website =)
I read somewhere that Veronica died in 1998 from aids, and her fried is also dead. They were both beautiful.

Sorry to hear that. I used to have this documentary on VHS.

[HappyMoni]

I am a Pre-Jurasaic dinosaur, born in 1956. I got the message LOUD and clear from mom about the age of 4 that boys do not wear skirts. Coming from that era, recent immigrant very hard working blue collar city, anyone gay was almost unheard of and any thing trans was lumped in with drag-queens.

Still that did not deter me from. When I was in high school, about age 16 or so? The Christine Jorgenson Story played on network TV. It was a total shock. So totally different then the fantasy (or real?) ->-bleeped-<-/CD stories I've read. At the end of the movie was a short public service message from The Erik Ericson Foundation. I think at the time it was like the only known "center" for information and probably more about Transgender.  I instantly wrote down the address and sent off my request 

Towards the last year of uni, 1978, I started my first transition "Experiment". Testing the waters for a 6ft tall transwoman in a world where I towered over the average male. After a few disastrous outings the experiment ended. Like WTF was I thinking   So much for starting fresh after uni.

A few years later the GD got really bad. Another "experiment". Another utter fail. TBH - I was not prepared emotionally at all for the challenges. I did learn this time the magic of HRT. Even at the low doses I was taking I found some peace. 

Like Moni said, much of the "Practical" knowledge of how to do anything was gotten from the streets. By this time TV/CD was becoming more known, even Playboy ran an article or two(?) on a TV boutique just across the river from me in New York City. There were CD/TV publications readily available. Some even offering premarin for sale. Known back then as "Purple Footballs" for the 10mG(?) pills. The concept of an anti-androgen was essentially unknown. Any trans-women I've known back then had street access to HRT. Finding an endocrinologist was almost impossible.

The world for MTF's was changing fast around that time. By the middle 70's, I believe, Dr Biber was already doing SRS in Trinadad, Colorado. Still, about all the MTF's I've met back then today you would say they were totally stealth. It was about the only way you could survive and make a living. Even being a "Kept Woman" in some cases, if you were really lucky.  (This was New York City after all).

About this same time, like Moni mentioned, Rene Richards also was in the headlines.  In 1981 there was the little known by all TS in a James Bond movie, Tula playing a lead role of sorts in 1981's For Your Eyes Only.

This old dinosaur can certainly say, then even 2000 it was a totally different, and better, world to be trans in compared to 20 years earlier. Today it is even better. I hope the trend continues as world-wide, as well as in the so called "developed" world, there is still a long way to go just to be mildly accepted and not fair game for "->-bleeped-<-" jokes

Joanne,
   I really related to your post. I was born in 57. When I was little, my sister innocently put eye make up on one of my eyes and my Mom freaked out. With all the messaging out there back then, I felt like a fugitive from the law. I also think that if I had been as bold as you and tried to transition, it would have failed for me. My partner was supportive of me as early as 1977, but I had so much internalized doubt and confusion, it could not have worked even with her support. That attitude from back then  followed me all these years until it was impossible to hold Monica down any longer, about three years ago now. When I finally let go and embraced the new me, I was terrified that it would not work, this transition thing. Month after month, I watched myself as I did more feminine things, still not totally convinced I was doing what was right for me. A testament to the power of my upbringing is that even after GCS, I waited, expecting flash backs of my old turmoil. Well, as I think of it right now, it is ridiculous for me to have any thoughts of doubt. No sense in watching for something that is not coming. After all these years, I finally know in my heart and my head, I am a transsexual. I consider myself to be very, very lucky to see that in my lifetime, finally a whole person.
Moni

[Karen_A]

Like Moni said, much of the "Practical" knowledge of how to do anything was gotten from the streets. By this time TV/CD was becoming more known, even Playboy ran an article or two(?) on a TV boutique just across the river from me in New York City.

BTW We are about the same age and apparently we both grew up in Jersey too. I lived relatively close to the city (but across the Arthur Kill not the Hudson) in a working class city.

My mother watched the Alan Burke show and he did TSes, which did not present us in a good light...
When we drove into the city if she saw an obvious TV (prostitute?) (or anyone who looked abnormal) on the street as we drove by, she would say "You name it and I'll kill it!"

None of that made transition seem a viable option for a big kid like me, even though i would sneak out of the house late at night dressed in the 7th grade and walk around the neighborhood...

- Karen

[Lisa_K]

Lisa_K mentions John Hopkins being a "mess," if she's still around perhaps she could tell us more.

Not that much more because I only peripherally tried to deal with them. Even getting an application was a hassle more so than other places. I have apps from Stanford and either the Erickson or Janus Foundations (don't remember) that were a dozen pages or more long but I became so frustrated at the whole thing and lack of funds and hopelessness of ever getting involved in one of these programs that I completely gave up trying.

You've got to consider by the time I even found out about any of these resources, I had long since moved well beyond social transition in 1973 and the hormones and whatever counseling I did have were provided through a private physician and licensed sex therapist and educator. I didn't really want or need to have to go through some structured program when all I really was looking for was surgery. Since none of these known clinics permitted that sort of thing, I did what everybody else did in the 70's that was in the same boat - I went to Stanley Biber who was considered the premier surgeon of the day anyway and had done his first surgery in 1969.

When I was in high school, about age 16 or so? The Christine Jorgenson Story played on network TV. It was a total shock.

When I was young, I knew about Christine Jorgenson but simply couldn't relate. To me, she was just some guy that was in the Army that had a sex change and became a celebrity because of it. I had always been a girl even if I was forced to wear boy's clothes and had "that thing" between my legs but I had never been a "normal" boy by any stretch of the imagination and couldn't make the connection. I did at least know there were operations that could be done but it didn't even click with me I was a candidate for such things or that it would be possible for me until I was 17 and a doctor told me I was transsexual. Up until then, I knew I was just a girl and was even mostly seen as one and the last thing I wanted was any fanfare about it, a name for it or to have to get involved in any big long process

The world for MTF's was changing fast around that time. By the middle 70's, I believe, Dr Biber was already doing SRS in Trinadad, Colorado. Still, about all the MTF's I've met back then today you would say they were totally stealth. It was about the only way you could survive and make a living. Even being a "Kept Woman" in some cases, if you were really lucky.  (This was New York City after all).

About this same time, like Moni mentioned, Rene Richards also was in the headlines.

Being just a kid, I was isolated and sheltered from any common street knowledge. After formalizing the transition immediately after graduating high school that had innocently and unconsciously been happening since childhood, I did do a lot of research and got my hands on any information or publications I could find but I was still an outsider as most of what seemed to be available was geared toward drag queens and ->-bleeped-<-s and older people. Piece by piece, I did learn about places like Stanford and Johns Hopkins but even then, this all seemed like something other people did that was far beyond my reach anyway. To give you an idea of how in my own little bubble I was, I had never met or spoken to another trans person until I was 22 and checked into the hospital to have SRS. I had even only met one gay person by then. Even after 45 years, I can count the number of trans people I've met in person on one hand and I don't even know of anyone my age that grew up dealing with outwardly being gender inverted throughout childhood and adolescence like I did or got help as early as I did. That does make me feel kind of weird at times.

Coincidentally, my surgery was just about the time Renée Richards was hitting the papers (1977) and I had already lived the last four years of my life as a young woman by then. I thought the whole thing was all kind of a mess and again, here was someone else that more or less ended up in the same place as me but in no way shape or form grew up like I did. I kind of observed the whole debacle from a distance. My mother took a lot more interest in the Richards' story  than I did as it was more or less the first big media event since Jorgensen and I think my mom took some comfort knowing that I was not the only one?

Yes, you could say I was "totally stealth" with the exception of my loving and supportive family and a very few close confidantes that knew. This was not because of the guidelines and gatekeeping that expected you to blend but because I had put up with so much crap and trauma going through school and wanted to get as far away from all that as I could. Socially being a girl, and just a girl, was my respite and safe place and I dealt with all my dysphoria and problems with my body internally and privately as none of that was anybody else's business. Having surgery was just public a blip on the radar to fix a defect. A couple of weeks off work and I was right back into my "life of stealth".  I was never a part of the by then emerging "trans community" and never have been. With no family left, there's only a small handful of people that even know of my history and I really prefer keeping it that way.

In 1992 Chrysalis Quarterly published a fascinating account of the North American gender clinics.  Much of how they conducted business was dismaying, to say the least:

Much of that is hyperbole and certainly by 1992 more or less urban legend and rumor as by then, there were plenty of resources available that understood transsexualism in broader terms. In 1974 doctors at Stanford coined the term gender dysphoria to encompass those that fell outside of these rigid guidelines and they were the first in the country to treat patients outside of the classic transsexual paradigm. Yes, there were expectations but more of a practical nature - could you fit into society (which did mean passing), could you hold down a job and demonstrate stability and things like that. Today, even these diagnostic indicators have fallen by the wayside with the rise of the transgender movement which is nothing like being transsexual was in the 1970's.

It is true that I had a very unusual experience going through all of this during the period of time that I did. In the couple of  years that I've been looking, those of us that did have medical assistance in 1972 when I started HRT are few and far between these days. Our member here, Complete, did but she's 7 or 8 years older than me. Furthermore, being able to start at 17 while still in high school and living with my parents was completely unheard of and totally unconventional for the times when transsexualism in children wasn't even a recognized unique phenomenon so I did have a lot of "special handling" because I was such an anomaly. As a kid, I was treated with kid gloves and probably did avoid a lot of the crap that went on back then?

[Lyric]

This has emerged into one of the more interesting threads I've read on Susan's in years and I appreciate all the contributions. I'm sure many will benefit from your words here. As with many others here, I found Lisa_K's story particularly memorable. Welcome to Susan's, Lisa. Your thoughts will always be of interest when I'm reading. I'm always interested in the stories of those close to my age, as you are. It rare to hear from someone who struggled to establish your femininity from childhood rather than assuming a masculine role as an adult. It was very hard to be different back then and I have great sympathy for you. I hope things went well after. I'd love to hear more of you story sometime.

[Complete]

Hi,

My name is Amanda, 28 years old, I started my transition at 13 and had GCS in 2015. I'm from Brazil, so I'm sorry for my english.  I feel transitioning at the early 2000s was a little different than today, because back then there was not as much information available, and people in general didn't discuss trans issues like today.  No doctor would help me with hormones, so I had to do it by myself, but I didn't find much online information in portuguese. I just used the medication other girls told me to. It may sound ridiculous but as a teenager I didn't know I hd the right of being respected, that people calling me names was somehow ok, or that I could have a normal job. But at least I had internet. I wonder how difficult it was for trans girls at the 1960's,1970's, 1980's, 1990's, without those resources and all the discrimination. I'm so fascinated to learn about those stories and have so much admiration for those women. I recently saw on youtube a documentary called "what sex am I" from 1985 and some videos on youtube. I would like to know where can I find more about that period, and know more about our history? And also I would like to know, for the girls that did it decades ago, how was transitioning back then, what were the strugles ans how you find a way to transition? Also, I would like to say to the girls that paved the way for us that came after how much I admire you all. Kisses.

I am referring back to the original post because l want to draw attention to how much things really have changed. I found the reference to 1985 somewhat amusing. This was 5 years before the OP was born and and must seem like ancient history to her. I have no idea what was in that documentary but by then, 7 years after Renee Richards), the transgender narrative was well evolved and universes removed from what whose like LisaK and l experienced in the late 1950's And early 60's. In 1985 l was into my second marriage. My point is that  by 1985 things were totally different than they were in the very early 70's.  And yes, things were very much more difficult then and yet....a few of us managed to survive.
As for the discrimination, l did not experience any. Although it took an entire year for me to completely transform my body, l did so very quietly and discreetly. Essentially l disappeared for about a year, and then reappeared a year later as a completely different person. New name, new look, the real me and absolutely no history. Pre-internet was really not all that bad.

[Jessica]

I was born in 1957 and growing up there were only a few things I knew that were trans related. I stole (and later returned) two books from the library, one on Christine Jorgenson, and a novel called Myra Breckinridge. I was fascinated with Renee Richards, the tennis player. Of course, that was  considered so bizarre at the time, it only made me sad. Oh, there was a story from a relatives Playboy about guys going to sleep and waking up as gals. I was fascinated. All   the feedback for anything trans was negative. It wasn't until 2-3 years ago that I went on line and found out there were happy trans people. It was so scary to me to have any record on my computer that I had read anything trans. I was convinced everyone would hate me if they knew. Well maybe that still stands today.
Moni

I was born in 1956, this could be my story too.

[big kim]

I was born in 1957, there were many clues which made me realise I was different from other boys but it took me til 1978 to put it all together. The only time I remember seeing anything about transexuals was in the News of the World, a crap newspaper my parents read. It had sensational stories usually featuring a burly sailor who was now a woman. I kept quiet, there was no one to tell or talk to in the 60s/70s. My teenage years were hell for me & anyone round me. Like Elizabeth I turned into devil kid. Getting drunk & fighting was my way of coping, I soon learned it was possible to do 1 or the other but it never ended well if you did both at once.
Shortly after my 21st birthday  I realised who I was. I planned to transition the following year but it looked impossible. By then I was 6'4" with dark facial hair, I thought you had to be undetectable & couldn't do it. I never knew about HRT, electrolysis etc.Attitudes to transexuals were bad, getting beat up, refused jobs, hosuing etc was commonplace.
Fast forward to 1989 & I finally decided to do something. I went to the doctor & was referred to a local psychiatrist who threatened to section me. I asked for a referral else where & it took 21 months to be seen at Charing Cross.In the meantime I was self medicating, buying HRT ( not reccommended my health problems today probably stem from this) from a local girl & doing electrolysis. I cut down on my drinking & intake of speed & weed, started to eat properly. I finally transitioned in October 1991. There were a few problems, I lost a crappy job, it toook a long time to get another, there was a bit of harrassment but it was easier than I thought.

[Lisa_K]

This has emerged into one of the more interesting threads I've read on Susan's in years and I appreciate all the contributions. I'm sure many will benefit from your words here. As with many others here, I found Lisa_K's story particularly memorable. Welcome to Susan's, Lisa. Your thoughts will always be of interest when I'm reading. I'm always interested in the stories of those close to my age, as you are.

Thank you, Lyric, that was very kind of you to say. I did kind of join this club in a way that's a little different than most and try to bring some of my stories to the board from an uncommon perspective because I did have an unusual childhood and transitioned as a teenager. That in itself is not that remarkable these days as we have several young members here that have done exactly that but what I bring to the table is what it was like to do it at a time when it was remarkable if not radical.

At times, such as in a thread like this, I can even add a bit of history or glimpses into the dark ages but I would like to add the disclaimer there were a lot of things I didn't have to go through or experience during those times because I was so young and I had my parents running interference. I can only imagine what others had to go through back then on their own without the support I had. Not that changing sex isn't a hard thing to do now but you really have no idea how it was. I even only know half of it because I was so sheltered but what I do know is things were really different.

Not that I didn't have my struggles and all the depression and anxiety crap that comes with the territory and bullying was considered a character building exercise when I grew up so there was that too but other than that and the at best non-existent and at worst disastrous social life I had, I had it pretty darned easy. I did have a few rough patches but the most difficult years for me were between 15 and 18 and the hardest thing was that I had to be known as a boy that had absolutely no clues how to do that. I didn't even look like a boy.

When we approach the subject of transition these days, most people envision the process somewhat of a linear progression with a starting point and defined steps and milestones but it wasn't really like that for me. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing and I just outwardly became more of a girl more or less unconsciously over time. This wasn't a personality change. I didn't "become" feminine and even if I didn't really understand what was happening at the time, all the things I did to facilitate making the outside line up with what was on the inside just sort of happened. Even as a boy, I was passing by 16 naturally without even trying  and after I got out of high school, there was nary a hiccup to living full time as a girl. I really have no before and after because I was already beyond the middle to start with. There was no script to follow back then.

It rare to hear from someone who struggled to establish your femininity from childhood rather than assuming a masculine role as an adult.

I know what you mean but may be hung up on the way you said it? I didn't struggle to establish my femininity. That was entirely transparent and more than obvious because that's how I just was. Believe me, I was reminded of my femininity at every turn and still have the scars. What I struggled with was not just being female and living as a girl. It was all so wrong. Had I been raised as one, my behavior and appearance would have been completely typical and I had a lot of resentment about that. It has long since passed and memories faded but this came with a lot of crushing pain. It no longer hurts but that doesn't mean I've completely forgotten either.

I see documentaries, read stories and watch YouTube videos of the parents with pre-pubescent trans children that just have to socially transition because they're so out of place and miserable and most make it out to be a case of life or death but kids like this are not a new phenomenon even if that is the perception. These parents talk of the emotional, psychological and social damage their children would feel if not allowed to express who they really are. Well, I was one of those kids and I was damaged because I couldn't fully. A lot of allowances were made as I grew up but it took the first 15 years of my life before my parents really got on board and it was only with their understanding and support I was able to begin doing the things that would help me mend. Otherwise, I could have been really screwed up, if even still living? It's probably sad to think of but I suspect most kids like me in the times I grew up didn't make it? Other than just being as stubborn and bull headed as a rock, I don't know how I did? I remember some of this stuff with a certain detachment and it almost seems like somebody else's life and reading back through some of this stuff, it all seems impossible to have done the thing I did during the time period I did them. Who was that kid anyway?

It was very hard to be different back then and I have great sympathy for you. I hope things went well after. I'd love to hear more of your story sometime.

Sympathy doesn't feel right. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and that's certainly not why I'm posting my stories. More than anything, my early challenges are the things I have triumphed over and I hope my stories will show that success is possible even if the odds aren't in your favor.

As far as how things went after I started my life as a teenage girl, all I can say is normally. I got a job, did things, had fun, made friends and just had a regular life. Sure there were hard and some deeply dark times figuring out how to get surgery but life went on. When I did finally achieve my goal, it really changed very little except the ability to have sex and of course how I felt about myself. I did some interesting things and had some grand adventures that have left me with some incredible memories.

In 1985, I was 30 and got married to the man I'd been living with for almost a year. The next twelve years we were together were some of the best, happiest and most exciting years of my life. The years after that until present day are all more than I ever expected or thought possible. Sure, I have my ups and downs and everyday problems like everyone else and in spite of all the things I went through as a kid, I moved beyond them and life has good to me. Very good and I know I'll be going out with a smile when I go. Feeling like you've kicked life's ass is really kind of a thing!

Sorry for such long posts. 

[Lyric]

Sorry for such long posts. 

Don't be. There's plenty of room on the page and I for one appreciate your thoughts.