Manifestation of disphobia

[Erika_Courtney]

Since I dumped my yes or no questions therapist, I have continued my self discover on my own, while searching for a new therapist, which I hope to have in a couple of weeks.

I had some insight last night. I had a temper tantrum over nothing, nothing physical just some shouting on my part. After I had cooled down for a while I realized because I could not say I was hurt by what happened, I just got angry instead.

I read a lot about how people describe disphobia as making them feel depressed.

I am wondering if disphobia is making me angry.

This is the thought that worries me, I was a pretty cool headed person in life, until I assumed a male role in a relationship, then my anger increased.

Anybody else find pre transition they had temper tantrums?

[Dena]

I was depressed however fighting a world with anger because nothing is right could happen. Other member have driven off there spouse. I believe they were angry at the world and their spouse wasn't able to deal with it. Nothing says that you have to experience dysphoria like everybody else and most seem to have their own twist on dysphoria.

[elkie-t]

It feels good to let it out. Especially if your emotions were compressed with other people demands and needs (obviously more important than yours, in their mind).

Don't overanalyze it, but seek a better balance for yourself


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[MissKairi]

I think everyone is so different regardless of gender. some things that make me throw stuff and want to punch people might make you go 'meh'

People get angry, its a normal response

[davina61]

Being an Aries I am hot headed anyway but yes silly things make me lose it when 99.9% of the time I am so laid back my head rests on the floor. I now know its the frustration from the dysphoria that is the root cause , still doesn't stop me having a rant though. With that and the withdrawn depression ----------- I need HRT

[AlyssaJ]

For me, dysphoria manifests itself in a variety of ways. Sometimes is a massive amount of anxiety.  These are the times where I can't look in a mirror because I'll freak about every little non-feminine feature of my body.  I'll have panic attacks thinking about how I'll never look convincingly female or be able to do the feminine activities I want to do, etc.  I build up a bunch of crap in my head going through every possible bad scenario that could hold up my transition and get all panicked about it.

Other times it comes in as depression.  I'll feel shame in myself and start thinking about how horrible it is that I was born with the wrong body.  I think about the 39 years I wasted trying to be male when this is who I always was. Sometimes this depression can be crushing and has lead me to thoughts of suicide.  Other times it turns into anger that I take out on anyone around me. 

What I've noticed since I started medically transitioning is that these episodes happen less often but when they do the severity is much worse.  However, I'm more equipped now to battle them and get through, especially now that I'm finally starting to see tangible signs of the HRT doing it's work.

[Kylo]

Yes, it had a tendency to cause anger. Mostly repressed anger, which accrued and translates to bitterness and a feeling of having shouldered a disproportionately larger burden within a relationship, which the partner remained happily oblivious of.

When I began the relationship in 2007 I was not an angry individual, especially. But time made it build up. Up until a year ago I'd achieved a reputation for a bad temper, and for being violent to the scenery, which will no doubt follow me permanently as a footnote.

Following HRT with testosterone, I couldn't begin to explain just how much calmer and more self-aware I am. The hormones alone have gone a long way to controlling the rage generated by the feeling of being trapped and suffocated by this condition. I'm not an angry or desperate type normally - but when trapped, cornered, with no view of a way out of a bad situation, I do become destructive.