I'm done with living.

[Saira128]

Friends have left me, some friends don't reply, I'm depressed and don't wanna live anymore.
    But I'm scared of dying too. I'm scared that it will be painful. Only the fear of the pain is keeping me from slitting my wrist.
    There's just too much pain to handle for a single person. I don't think I'll ever get to really live my life anyway.I'm better off dead.
      My parents will get hurt, but they will forget me after some months.
      I'm very negative, I see no light, everything feels dark and gloomy.

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[Kendra]

Saira we truly care.  You have a support network here, and I hope you also have local resources you can contact and work with to find the happiness you deserve.  I have had utterly terrible moments and days in my past, and I can say from personal experience - life is more than worth living, it is precious.  And you only have one.

Think of this another way.  If you can somehow solve this by chipping away at the little pieces that add to the large bad things you are seeing, think about how you can help others in the future with what you learn.  I bet you can.

Kendra

[SadieBlake]

My parents will get hurt, but they will forget me after some months.

Saira this is utterly wrong. I know you're hurting and I guess you've never know someone who suicided. Your death, especially at your own hand will leave a hole they will never repair. I know this because I've known people left behind by suicide.

[elkie-t]

Honey, death is so final and very boring. You still can make your life better, you can do it one step at a time and see where this new adventure will bring you. You will new friends along the way and they'll be better friends who accept you for who you are


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[eyesk8rboi]

First off: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,112545.0.html


Secondly - I know how you feel. Every time I've been suicidal I have the EXACT same thoughts...Too tired of living, but too scared of death, the unknown, etc....
Though I think for those of us who think that way I believe it's for the better. It's a voice deep down saying some day things will get better, and everything's going to be alright, and if you end it now, you'll never know!

[stephaniec]

there are a lot of help lines to reach out to. In the worst case in your darkest hour go to the emergency room and ask for help.

[coldHeart]

Saira I know exactly how you feel I,m in the same place all you see is the darkness, please talk to people here or just rant away to get it off your chest death is not the answer. Sara

[JB_Girl]

Ah Saira,

One of the saddest things that I know of is the darkness that comes with depression.  That feeling of numbness and the certainty that nothing will ever change.  It will!  Change is the only thing that is assured, but only if you keep breathing.  I've held people I was close to in my arms as they passed and I have cleaned up after people I loved committed that final desperate act to end the pain.

Think about it, someone who loves you will have to clean up the blood after you bleed out, or pick the pellets out of the wall, or clean things up after your body begins to decompose. 

I've had to do these things.  We kill ourselves with alarming regularity and I volunteer with young people at risk.  At risk because of gender identity, or sexual assault, or bipolar disease, or substance abuse.  The saddest thing is this is all unnecessary.  You are here and that means you are loved.  There are people who will talk to you at any time of the day or night.

Mac sent you this lifeline

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,112545.0.html

Use it sweetheart.  Got names and numbers?  If not get them.  Send me a PM, send anyone here a PM  let us know how to call and we will.  You are valuable and precious.  The darkness can and will lift.  The exhaustion will evaporate with rest.  "You are a child of the universe.  No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to exist."

Namaste,
Mama Julie

[JMJW]

Do you really have nothing to live for? You have to use the analytical mind here and ask if there is genuinely nothing you enjoy, nothing you want to work toward, nothing and no one you want to be around for, nothing you want to see that's not out yet or hasn't come to pass yet- even if it seems trivial, or shallow. Personally I want to see my stories published, want to see what Craig David will release next, want to see  if Zac Snyder will screw up the Justice League movie, if Phil Heath will stay Mr Olympia, and so on. Little things that add up in a major way. These desires exist despite the presence of punishing dysphoria. What little things in your life do you want to stick around for? Are you a fan of anything and would like to see where it goes?