Why do people think it's ok to touch me and ask personal questions?

[Julia1996]

Hi everyone. Last night my brother's friend Steve was at our house.  He was waiting for Tyler  to get out of the shower. I looked up and he was staring at me like he usually does and then he asks me if my boobs are real or implants. I told him they were real. So then he comes over and grabs both of them and said they felt real. I slapped his hands away and told him to get the ##away from me. Then he wanted to see them! I got pissed off when he asked to see them and told him sure he could see them if I could see his dick.  That douche said "fair enough" and unzipped his jeans and started to take it out! I stopped him and told him I didn't want to see it and I was in the middle of telling him he was a pig and a perve when my brother walked in wanting to know what was going on. Steve said I was just being a baby. So I told my brother what he did. My brother was really not happy and asked Steve why the ##he thought it was ok to touch me like that. Then he asked him if he realized he could be charged with assault for touching a girl like that. He said of course he did. Then he said "but she's not REALLY a girl". So because I guess because I'm trans and not cis it's ok to touch me inappropriately.  My brother told me he wanted to speak to Steve alone. I don't know what he said but they were supposed to go out and Tyler ended up staying home. This isn't the first time this has happened. It's happened with females too. Ive had other girls reach out and grab my boobs. I told one girl I really didn't like that and she said to chill out that we were both girls and that girls do that with each other.They do? That makes it ok? I really don't care which sex the person is I don't like people putting their paws on me without permission. I've also had girls ask to see them. Since I was in boulder for a year and came back presenting as female a lot of people assume I've had SRS already. I had one girl ask me if she could see my V. I asked her why would she want to see it. She said she wanted to see how "real it looks". I've also had guys who know I'm trans ask me if I still had my dick.  I'm talking about guys I know casually not guys I'm going to have sex with. So I guess it's perfectly OK to touch me without permission and ask me really personal questions because I'm trans and not a REAL girl. Have any of you been treated like this?

[Crush935]

Hi everyone. Last night my brother's friend Steve was at our house.  He was waiting for Tyler  to get out of the shower. I looked up and he was staring at me like he usually does and then he asks me if my boobs are real or implants. I told him they were real. So then he comes over and grabs both of them and said they felt real. I slapped his hands away and told him to get the ##away from me. Then he wanted to see them! I got pissed off when he asked to see them and told him sure he could see them if I could see his dick.  That douche said "fair enough" and unzipped his jeans and started to take it out! I stopped him and told him I didn't want to see it and I was in the middle of telling him he was a pig and a perve when my brother walked in wanting to know what was going on. Steve said I was just being a baby. So I told my brother what he did. My brother was really not happy and asked Steve why the ##he thought it was ok to touch me like that. Then he asked him if he realized he could be charged with assault for touching a girl like that. He said of course he did. Then he said "but she's not REALLY a girl". So because I guess because I'm trans and not cis it's ok to touch me inappropriately.  My brother told me he wanted to speak to Steve alone. I don't know what he said but they were supposed to go out and Tyler ended up staying home. This isn't the first time this has happened. It's happened with females too. Ive had other girls reach out and grab my boobs. I told one girl I really didn't like that and she said to chill out that we were both girls and that girls do that with each other.They do? That makes it ok? I really don't care which sex the person is I don't like people putting their paws on me without permission. I've also had girls ask to see them. Since I was in boulder for a year and came back presenting as female a lot of people assume I've had SRS already. I had one girl ask me if she could see my V. I asked her why would she want to see it. She said she wanted to see how "real it looks". I've also had guys who know I'm trans ask me if I still had my dick.  I'm talking about guys I know casually not guys I'm going to have sex with. So I guess it's perfectly OK to touch me without permission and ask me really personal questions because I'm trans and not a REAL girl. Have any of you been treated like this?

Ok so I'm ftm and I can honestly say that I've never had another girl just want to touch my chest because (ever in my entire life). 

The way you're being treated is ridiculous.  Anyone who touches you inappropriately can be charged with sexual harassment at a minimum.   It doesn't lander their gender or status.  You are just as much of a woman as anyone else in this earth.  But even if that had happened to a male, they don't deserve to be touched inappropriately either!

Unfortunately I ran into a much milder version of this in my earlier stages of transitioning.  But, it had more to do with trying date then where I was in my transition. 

I would have guys ask me if I still had my V and my "tits".  I tried to have a sexual encounter with a guy and he completely treated me not only as a female, but as an extremely objectified one at that. 

I feel so horrible for the way women are treated I'm the world by men and women alike.  It isn't right in any fashion. 


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[josie76]

That was totally wrong for him to grab you. He's got some convoluted idea that because you were born with male parts that somehow it's MORE ok to do what he wants than to a born female. He has a real issue seeing women as a sexual object only. He had some sick idea that you would be easy compared to a cis girl. Likely he's been watching too much porn involving MTF girls.

I'm sorry that happened. It was a sexual assault.

[Lisa_K]

Yeah, being touched like that is just wrong and I've never had another girl feel me up in 45 years. It sounds like your brother stood up for you though which shows a lot of progress. Make sure he knows you appreciated his efforts.

Unfortunately, if people know you're trans, #1 at the top of the list of rude and inappropriate questions they ask is what's in your pants. Even if they don't ask that's what they're thinking about which is ignorance, pure and simple.

[MeTony]

He has crossed the line by miles. You don't grab another person's body parts. It is sexual assault.

In female body I have experienced it once when I was 18. An unknown person I met on the street just reached out and grabbed my "tit" when we passed. I was furious. It is violating my space and not respecting my body.

Nothing happened though. I did not know him and he vanished among the people on the street.

In woman body, the only uncalled for touching was when I was pregnant. Magically it is somehow ok go touch pregnant bellies. Old ladies and middle aged women touched my belly and congratulated me.

[Crush935]

He has crossed the line by miles. You don't grab another person's body parts. It is sexual assault.

In female body I have experienced it once when I was 18. An unknown person I met on the street just reached out and grabbed my "tit" when we passed. I was furious. It is violating my space and not respecting my body.

Nothing happened though. I did not know him and he vanished among the people on the street.

In woman body, the only uncalled for touching was when I was pregnant. Magically it is somehow ok go touch pregnant bellies. Old ladies and middle aged women touched my belly and congratulated me.

I have never understood the pregnant thing!  One of my coworkers experienced that.  I mean I want to touch everyone's dogs, but I've never looked at a random pregnant person and said to myself, " ooooo I must touch the belly". 


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[natalie.ashlyne]

No it is not ok for unwelcomed  touch's ever no matter who it is

[MissKairi]

would he go and grab the crotch of a FtM? I doubt it. Just an absolute disgusting person.

[tgirlamg]

Hi Little Sister!!!

I'm glad your brother came to your aid and chose the right side in the situation!... The people you are dealing with in your life right now who are around your same age are in many ways still children... These days I would call the onset of adulthood closer to 30 in many cases!... Young men, sadly. often do childish immature things... This is not an excuse to condone the behavior, just something to keep in mind and be aware of!!! There are also immature people of all ages to deal with but such is life!!  Just be you!.. Be proud of who you are and carry yourself with dignity in this world.... Live your life gently but with undeniable will to carve out your place in this world!!!.... I have great faith in you!!!!

Hugs!!!

Ashley

[Julia1996]

Yeah, being touched like that is just wrong and I've never had another girl feel me up in 45 years. It sounds like your brother stood up for you though which shows a lot of progress. Make sure he knows you appreciated his efforts.

Unfortunately, if people know you're trans, #1 at the top of the list of rude and inappropriate questions they ask is what's in your pants. Even if they don't ask that's what they're thinking about which is ignorance, pure and simple.

He knows I appreciate it. He's always been very protective even before transition. I asked him what he said to Steve but he told me not to worry about it and that he wouldn't be coming over anymore. I should have slapped the ##out of him for touching me like that but I have never had instincts to be violent with people.  And besides that since Steve doesn't think I'm " a real girl" who knows what he would have done. He's way bigger than me. I've heard pregnant women talking about total strangers touching their stomach. It amazes me that people think thats ok! Once one of my friends put both hands on my cheeks and ran them down to my neck. When I asked her what she was doing she said she just wondered if I had facial hair. Uh...you could just ASK me! I just get totally pissed off because people will say and do things to me they would NEVER do to a cisgirl. Even my friends.It's totally ##up!

[sarah1972]

I don't mind the personal questions too much. However I have one friend who is almost obsessed with my breasts and has touched them a few times. Very strange - especially since he knows I am still into women... I  don't ask if I can touch his junk...

Oh well...

[Corastrasza]

It makes me sick that there are so many people out there who continue to basically dehumanize transgender people. My girlfriend told her grandmother after I came out to her, thinking that she would be understanding; Her grandmother called me "an abomination"... I know its a different situation than yours but still, people need to realize that being trans doesnt make you less of a person.

[baseballfan]

That is bizzairo world behavior right there.  I just don't understand how anyone in any context could ever think that was ok.  Trans or cis.  Even if you were a cis boy it wouldnt be ok.  I will just never understand some people.  Glad your brother stood up for you.  Good brothering out of him.

[AnamethatstartswithE]

That was completely inexcusable behavior on his part. I think he was probably doing some sort of mental "rules lawyering" he probably said to himself that "I'm not allowed to touch a Girl inappropriately, but I wasn't given anything about a trans girl."

When I was in high school a friend of mine who had been an exchange student in Scotland would wear a kilt to formal occasions, and lots of people would try to flip it up, and couldn't understand why he would get upset about that.

[tgirlamg]

One more thought from me little sister!

... The underlying factor here for this terribly immature behavior is likely that at some level he feels some attraction for you and the implications in his mind of what that means as far as his ego, his sexuality and sense of self etc are probably quite overwhelming for his little pea brain!!!

Hugs!!!

A

[Gertrude]

Maybe legalized dope has lowered threshold of improper behavior.


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[SadieBlake]

Julia, in your shoes I would both file a complaint fort sexual assault with the local police as well as obtain a restraining order.

That guy belongs on the sex offender registry.

[jentay1367]

POTUS says it's okay. I mean..... if he can?    I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Do what any self respecting woman would do if that happened...kick him in the nuts.

[barbie]

A few of my friends, yes my friends who are older than me, do it when they are drunken. I do not like it. Most of  them are impolite, unsocialized and immature in their mind, although they tend to be smart and intelligent in some sense, and like me as a friend or a colleague.

BTW, a few young men sometimes ask me whether they may touch my legs or other parts, and I think it is OK because at least they ask my consent.

barbie~~

[Artesia]

The only person to touch my boobs is my wife.  My Endo did one time to check for the formation of breast buds.  I have had several people that I have come out to suddenly pounce on me with a hug however right after being told.