Thank you so much for all the replies and advice.
Quote from: Claire_Sydney on June 22, 2017, 09:18:49 AM
I think there are a few things to remember here:
1. Lying is not a good idea. Especially when people are going to wonder increasingly about some of the changes happening with your body as time goes on. And people are going to know at some stage that you've been lying to them.
Don't tell lies or make up fake excuses.
2. Information about your health is yours to control. You can disclose information about your transition to HR and let them know that you are not ready to tell your boss or others in the business about your transition. Be explicit that your medical information is to be treated as confidential. They must not share this information without your consent.
3. It might be good to let HR know what's going on. I told my HR department about 12 months before I made my transition public. They were able to help me with a lot of accomodations, and support in ways I hadn't considered whilst still respecting my privacy. It might be good to let them know what's happening with you, and what you need from them.
4. What do you want? Do you want a private search from the same security guard every day (one who you trust and have told in confidence about your transition)? Do you want to be excused from body searches altogether? Do you want to work in a different area where body searches are not needed? Do you want to be excused from the upper body search only?
I would suggest having a think about exactly what you want, and then taking your request to HR. Be explicit that you expect them to maintain your confidentiality, but that you need special accomodations during this time.
All the best.
Some really helpful and good points in here, thank you so much Claire.
I am thinking of perhaps coming out to the HR lady and telling her that it is confidential and that she cannot share it with anyone without my consent. I live in South Africa, so I'm unsure of the exact legal implications on whether she will have to keep it confidential. I thought that perhaps if I tell her about breast enlargement, it won't be lying to her. I do not want to disclose everything (the whole transition) to her yet, unless I absolutely have to. Am I obliged to tell her the whole truth right now? On the one hand I understand that it might be good to share the information in confidentiality (if she is legally obliged to keep it confidential in this country), but on the other hand I really did not want to come out at work until I have had one or 2 more things done in my long term transitioning plan.
In regards to point 4:
I would either want to be exempt from being body searched, or at least I want them to not search my upper body. The problem is that if I get a female to search me, it will be visible to others and will cause gossip to start.
Quote from: jfong on June 22, 2017, 08:44:10 AM
I think you need to have a reasonable and believable excuse. The women at work were also searched and touched there right? Saying the gynecomastia excuse doesn't seem like a good excuse to use. They might prod further into why you don't want to be body searched, since everyone else get the same treatment. It might be uncomfortable for you to be touched there by the male guards but they probably won't feel anything that will expose you.
Having a reasonable excuse that will still allow yourself to be searched makes more sense. But that only happens if you come out and tell HR the real reason so they can arrange the searched by female security instead.
And yes the incident hurts a lot, but I survived and learn to defend myself from any hit to the chest anymore.
The nips won't hurt all the time as you progress (a month or two for me), and eventually only when a lot of pressure applied that they will hurt.
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I probably can keep on letting the male guards search me for a while, but inevitably it will get to a point where they will feel proper breast growth, and so I need to face this problem anyway somewhere along the line. Since it is an issue right now, I probably would have to do it now. I do understand that making up excuses is not a good thing, so I am seriously considering coming out to the HR lady on Monday morning confidentially.
Glad to hear the nipple pain subsides a bit eventually. I am not really that bothered by it, I'm actually more excited to have it.
My body seems to be responding to the hormones very well as I have had a bit of growth already inside the first 2 months of HRT.
Thank you again for all the advice and input. I think my biggest fear is having to come out to more people in the professional environment, and that I would like to at least look more authentic by the time that I do so. It seems like the right thing to do will be to come out to her. As long as she keeps it confidential..
Have a good weekend everyone!
X
