I am increasingly comfortable with myself but woke up realizing I'd had a nightmare. In the dream I was in male mode on a road trip and stopped in some unknown small town. In the dream a male law enforcement officer walked up and told me I should be ashamed of having hair like that (shoulder length). I suddenly feared he was going to arrest me and cut my hair off. I was relieved when he got back in his car - and then I realized as the cop drove away, he had nodded towards two guys walking towards me looking to start a fight. And then I woke up.
I've never had any negative experiences with law enforcement regarding gender identity. Last Friday at the Seattle Trans Pride march I noticed several Seattle police smiling and being sincerely friendly with the community. But in my past - I am from a small redneck town in the foothills (cue the banjo), I can feel my pulse jumping just thinking about the town I am from, and it's not good. And I have also seen issues in large cities. On a business trip in Seoul Korea in 1993 a local man began swearing at me on the subway - I couldn't understand a word he said but it was obvious he hated seeing a male with long hair, and his anger continued to increase. I forgot about that incident until just now.
I don't exactly know what triggered the nightmare and I'll get past it. Maybe it's the increasing amount of male-fail I am experiencing - I present male at work although not very well (and I haven't even started HRT yet). I get odd looks when I am in male mode. When I go anywhere presenting as a female I rarely get those looks (I don't usually hear "sir" until I speak, but that's a different topic).
I dunno... maybe this is another sign I just need to switch over asap. Part time is starting to bug me, and I have no intention of backing away.
