My mother

[Sammie]

My mom is completely accepting of the transgender and all of the LGBT community but she doesn't quite accept me. She has been asking me if I'm 'sure I'm not a boy' since I was very little. She thinks that since she has been saying that, that I am saying I am a boy to "please" her or "get her off my back". She also wont let me do any name change or sex change until I graduate. She lets me use the mens bathrooms and bind but thats about it. I dont know how to convince her that I really am a boy. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience?

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[LoveISLoveBeYou]

Sometimes, it is hard for parents to understand this completely as in one hand, they feel like they are losing a daughter or son. Obviously, it is hard for you as well. I think your best bet is to google for local Gender Pathway Services and clinics, and maybe you and your mom can go talk to a specialist. My <AMAB niece> wants to <transition to female>, <s>he is only 13 years old, and as <her> mom is extremely accepting, she is still scared. She is deathly afraid that she will let <her> continue with hormones, or a surgery that could end up hurting <her> (as far as a bad surgery and <s>he dies etc. normal mommy things to worry about lol). So, she initially said she wanted <her> to wait until after he is 18 to do anything like surgery etc. but she also has made an appointment with our local Gender Pathway Clinic to talk about pros and cons of waiting, and she also found out through some researching that there is a lot of things that can happen during puberty that is irreversible and can hinder one's ability to truly be and feel like the person they were meant to be, not the person they were born as. So I would talk to your mom and see if she would be at least willing to go talk to a specialist with you, to at least see the options and pros and cons etc. I hope this helps and doesn't seem like I am telling you what to do. Sometimes I try to hard to help and it comes off overbearing.

Moderator edit: our site accepts and prefers to use the gender that is identified. I don't think you were trying to show disrespect but it sometimes upsets people. I have edited some pronouns and a sentence or two.

[Elis]

You shouldn't need to convince your parents of anything; they should accept you as you. This was the problem I had with my dad and then I gradually realised it's completely unhealthy to live to his unrealistic ideals rather than do what I need to do to try and be comfortable and happy.

She sounds like she's completely in denial. Maybe keep sending her articles about what being trans really is and how it's not something you can change. Other than that keep doing what makes your dysphoria manageable even if she disproves. Trust me spending years unhappy to please someone else was not worth it.

[Elis]

Sometimes, it is hard for parents to understand this completely as in one hand, they feel like they are losing a daughter or son. Obviously, it is hard for you as well. I think your best bet is to google for local Gender Pathway Services and clinics, and maybe you and your mom can go talk to a specialist. My nephew wants to be a girl, he is only 13 years old, and as his mom is extremely accepting, she is still scared. She is deathly afraid that she will let him continue with hormones, or a surgery that could end up hurting him (as far as a bad surgery and he dies etc. normal mommy things to worry about lol). So, she initially said she wanted him to wait until after he is 18 to do anything like surgery etc. but she also has made an appointment with our local Gender Pathway Clinic to talk about pros and cons of waiting, and she also found out through some researching that there is a lot of things that can happen during puberty that is irreversible and can hinder one's ability to truly be and feel like the person they were meant to be, not the person they were born as. So I would talk to your mom and see if she would be at least willing to go talk to a specialist with you, to at least see the options and pros and cons etc. I hope this helps and doesn't seem like I am telling you what to do. Sometimes I try to hard to help and it comes off overbearing.

I wish more parents knew that hormone blockers are completely harmless and the effects are reversible just by stopping taking them.

[LizK]

Hi LoveISLoveBeYou

Welcome to Susan's. I hope you enjoy your time here.

Sometimes, it is hard for parents to understand this completely as in one hand, they feel like they are losing a daughter or son. Obviously, it is hard for you as well. I think your best bet is to google for local Gender Pathway Services and clinics, and maybe you and your mom can go talk to a specialist.

Great idea to chat with specialists in the area to get the correct advice. I understand parental fears as there is so much misinformation around and speaking to a specialist with a sound knowledge of Trans issues helps put things in perspective.

My nephew wants to be a girl, he is only 13 years old, and as his mom is extremely accepting, she is still scared. She is deathly afraid that she will let him continue with hormones, or a surgery that could end up hurting him (as far as a bad surgery and he dies etc. normal mommy things to worry about lol). So, she initially said she wanted him to wait until after he is 18 to do anything like surgery etc. but she also has made an appointment with our local Gender Pathway Clinic to talk about pros and cons of waiting, and she also found out through some researching that there is a lot of things that can happen during puberty that is irreversible and can hinder one's ability to truly be and feel like the person they were meant to be, not the person they were born as.

It would seem that their mother does not want them taking blockers because she feels that the blockers might influence them into making the wrong decision? That is why along with the blockers kids get help to explore these feelings with professionals.  There is also much noise about the myth of desistance amongst trans youth and it is simply not true. What is true, is that by simply preventing the onset of puberty, it gives the child the opportunity to explore these feelings so they don't have to revisit them at a later date in their life. Blockers stop the onset of puberty and when the child stops taking them puberty resumes from where it was.

Having to physically transition after puberty makes things so much harder because of the effects of hormones during puberty. Worst that can happen with blockers is that they start puberty later than most kids

So you are able to get the very best from being here there are a couple of links we give to all our new members

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Regards
ElizabethK
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[Jacqueline]

Sometimes, it is hard for parents to understand this completely as in one hand, they feel like they are losing a daughter or son. Obviously, it is hard for you as well. I think your best bet is to google for local Gender Pathway Services and clinics, and maybe you and your mom can go talk to a specialist. My <AMAB niece> wants to <transition to female>, <s>he is only 13 years old, and as <her> mom is extremely accepting, she is still scared. She is deathly afraid that she will let <her> continue with hormones, or a surgery that could end up hurting <her> (as far as a bad surgery and <s>he dies etc. normal mommy things to worry about lol). So, she initially said she wanted <her> to wait until after he is 18 to do anything like surgery etc. but she also has made an appointment with our local Gender Pathway Clinic to talk about pros and cons of waiting, and she also found out through some researching that there is a lot of things that can happen during puberty that is irreversible and can hinder one's ability to truly be and feel like the person they were meant to be, not the person they were born as. So I would talk to your mom and see if she would be at least willing to go talk to a specialist with you, to at least see the options and pros and cons etc. I hope this helps and doesn't seem like I am telling you what to do. Sometimes I try to hard to help and it comes off overbearing.

Moderator edit: our site accepts and prefers to use the gender that is identified. I don't think you were trying to show disrespect but it sometimes upsets people. I have edited some pronouns and a sentence or two.

On behalf of the site, thanks for a great response. I truly appreciate the logic and intent. I did make some edits as explained in your post. I hope you don't see this as punitive. More as a FYI.

Thanks again.

Warmly,

Jacqueline